Published March 29, 2010
Written on the plane ride back from California next to the cutest baby ever.
The cutest thing I'll ever know
is something I want and used to be
I love to see them everywhere I go
and even more when they are next to me
It's one of my future dreams
to have a little adorable me
I want to have a child
and I want it to be a baby
The parents of the babies I see
couldn't look more bright and cheery
And the fact that I'm too young to be one
makes me a little bit teary
'Cause it is one of my future dreams
to have a littler loving me
sitting in my lap or next to me
I want to have a child
and I want it to be a baby
I might only be fifteen,
a little too young for this dream
and although it's a big decision
I'll need a girl who agrees with me.
By that I mean it's her dream too
to have a cute baby or two (at the most)
and of course I wouldn't pressure her now
but someday I'd like to have a baby somehow.
And I know I'm going to have to wait
but I have my one demand to considerate
Because I think it'll be worth it in a couple of years
for you to push a baby out of your vagina
Because it is one of my future dreams
to have a baby combination of a girl and me
I want to have a child someday in the future
and I want it to be a baby.
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Howler... Jeez where do I begin...
You've got a pretty good subject, but you turn it into a self centered kind of repetitive rant type thing. It's just you saying in different ways that you want a kid with a girl that wants a kid. At first you have a basic rhyme pattern, then you just drop it. I think it's probably personal to you, but it really needs a lot of work.
Try making it as Snoink said more about the baby, and less about you.
Sorry if I sound mean, I just really think you can do better.
Hey Howler!
With that said, the one thing that I found kind of annoying about this poem was how self-centered it is. I don't know... I keep on thinking of Colin Meloy's song, "Wonder" which is about his son. The song goes like this:
Babies are indeed cute!
Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oT_UHGgUAA
And I don't know. Your poem was less about the baby and more about you not being ready to have a baby. Step out of yourself and describe how beautiful and wonderful the baby was. Your poem will be that much sweeter, honest.