Young Writers Society

Hello, Horselover!
I'm really, really sorry I never got to reviewing this, even though I promised to. I'm going to try to make up for the long wait, even though it might not help you, as you've likely improved quite a bit (That's why I avoid older pieces)
But you requested it, so let's waste no more time!

First off, this is a really interesting concept, and I think there is a lot you could do with it, however, you could use a tad more detail to add more suspense to this, and keep us hooked.
(I actually checked out the other piece you requested, I find it kind of funny how you went to writing a little a couple paragraphs, to super long first chapters)

Ok, aside from a lack of detail, some small revisions of mine include A. the use of "Ho ho ho" Implies a jolly character, such as Santa, which felt a little out of place here.
B. The time skip caused you to miss a lot of chances to build up the atmosphere.
And C. the super sudden ending caught me off guard a bit.
These things are all my opinion though, so do what you wish with this review.

Anyway, I hope you keep writing, and have a wonderful day or night! Really sorry for the... Year? Oh god, year late review! So sorry.

i enjoyed this can you make more?

Hey Horselover1001!

I enjoyed reading your story! I think that someone being left alone in the woods by their friend is an interesting concept. I also like your use of onomatopoeia to build tension towards the ending. Since this is from the first-person perspective of Lilliana, I think that there should be more of an incorporation of her feelings and reactions to what's going on around her. Like, her expressions, thoughts, or physical reactions. This will help to further build her character and further build tension. Also, you have some complex sentences in here that need a comma to help with the flow of your structure. For example in "As the darkness fell the fog settled in for the night." a comma should go after "As the darkness fell" since the sentence can either be written as "As the darkness fell, the fog settled in for the night." or "The fog settled in for the night as the darkness fell." Anyways, I hope you have a good day and keep on writing!

~ May

Hey Horselover! (Glad to see another one around. )

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review. Let's get right into it, now, shall we? Right!

So, you have an interesting plot here, and I could definitely see you expanding this some more. Usually what a reader wants is to see who, what, where, when and why? You'll need to work on who, what, and why. Where and when you got. Where - she's in the woods. When - at night. And the picture explains quite a lot too, so that's great help for the reader to picture your image.

There's a website called Author Learning Center where I saw some very interesting rules on how to punctuate dialogues. I highly suggest you read it and maybe use it someday. It would be very useful for you.

I found a little spelling mistake that needs to be fixed~

In the distance, I could just make out stables, and I heard a faint niker of a horse.

Hey Horselover1001!
Your story was good, it had a solid story line. Just a question though, was this part of a series of stories? You left a good cliff hanger at the end, even if it was intended or not There wasn't a lot of explanation for why the main character was in the forest. BUT I don't know if it a series or not. (If it isn't, you should write one!!!) Also one last thing, I would watch your grammar. It will make your story smoother. Other than that, I really enjoyed your story. Can't wait to see what else you write!

Stellar Jay