The very mistaken Knight

Hi! Don't worry I was nervous the first time too, but everyone on this site is generally helpful and supportive. we are Writer's united and welcome to the party!

So, your flick, it makes me recall when I first started getting into more detailed writing, and was so eager to describe the character that I disregarded everything else. We all do it. It's what makes us awesome in the long run. Yet the first sentence immediately rang red alarms in my mind. One: the tenses were confusing at times. I had a feeling you were going more for present tense? Sometimes you slipped into past tense, or something like past tense. Take this sentence for example:

"The young and daring Stefan holds fast to the rope of that he had made from those of silky bed sheets. It will indeed lead them down from the wicked tower where she was being kept..."

Very adventurous, he's very courageous, yes (Granted, if anyone ever came to save me from a tower with bedsheets I'd tell him to turn right back around and get some quality rope if he intends to gallivant around saving people,=D) but it could have been put in a way that didn't boggle the mind. Maybe something like this?

"The young and daring Stefan holds fast to the rope made of silky bed sheets, made sometime before. Later, he planned, it will lead us down from this wicked tower where the Princess is being kept,"

Perhaps that would help, but you are the writer. Other than that, great story! Keep writing!

Hey Just to say, I'm very new here too and am also very nervous about starting to post. Seeing as Roach has already given a relatively comprehensive review I'll just jump in on things I think you should add.

So firstly I like the sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek feel of the piece. My biggest problem with it is your set up. It starts mid-action, almost in mid-story, and the reader has no idea what motivates Stephan, or what the princess even looks like. Obviously you are playing on stereotypes but you can't expect your readers to assume that, describe the area, the tower, how far is the tower from the city, what kind of city is it, what does the room look like where the princess is being kept, etc etc. Basically, flesh it out more In my mind I see a tower standing in the middle of this giant green field, with the princess and Stefan in a more or less empty room at the top of the tower, a bed presumably there thanks to the sheets. If this is what you pictured while writing hi5! but if not you need to describe everything a bit more.

That being said, I love the way you write, the sentences etc are individually very well written, apart from the ambiguity at some places.

I like specific examples so lets jump to where you say that Rosella goes "...back to her "normal" self she..." I think you should better establish her being her 'normal' self. Also i would advise you to take you the quotation marks around the 'normal', though it goes well with the overall style of the piece, it could make readers feel as if you are being condescending (I only say this because I have been berated on the issue before)

Reading over this I seem to have not liked the piece very much, but I did. Its sweet and funny and has brilliant characters. The only thing it really needs is a proof-read and some fleshing out . And through all that the one thing you have got to remember about all this is that writing is an art form and art is subjective, so everyone will have their own opinion, someone will definitely hate your stuff and someone will definitely love it, but all and all if you enjoyed it that's all that really matters. And besides that I liked it . So WRITE MORE! Always write more xD

(P.S. I don't know if its intentional, but Princess Rosella is a barbie princess. I like it, adds another dimension to the story, nicely satirical.)

Hey Hopkin. I used to be terrified of posting on YWS when I first joined, so I empathize with you! I’m going to review your piece honestly, here we go.

Your first paragraph is grammatically confronting. It should read something like this;
“Rescuing her from imprisonment at the hands of the traitorous Malcom, the young and daring Stefan holds fast to the rope that he had made of those silky bed sheets. It will indeed lead them down from the wicked tower where she is being kept, to the safety of two horses brought to carry them to greater safety and security. Back to her home and father, to the king, Dasmal himself!”

You kept swapping tenses and your sentences seemed confused, I hope this gives a bit of guidance on structure. This is a constant throughout the piece so I won’t continue correcting it throughout the whole work.

Proof reading its definitely necessary to make this piece coherent because in certain parts it just isn’t. You also flick between language of antiquity and contemporary slang. It not only confuses me about who is speaking but also breaks the pace and atmosphere of the story.

I like the twist of the princess being newly married to her captor (that is a serious case of Stockholm Syndrome, a real life thing you should look up!) because it really puts Stefan at odds with his ambition, morals, orders and justification for invading another kingdom. This story has potential and I think you just need to put a bit more effort into proof reading to make sure it all makes sense.

As a close point, the term is to “call it a truce,” as in the bring fighting to an armistice, as opposed to calling it truths.

Keep on writing!