Published August 24, 2008
A ghost of my past haunts my dreams
Shallow breathing, Shaking hands
A whisper in the shadows of my mind.
It doesn't want to let me forget,
But I will prevail!! I will forget!!
I lie awake at night, thinking of my ghost
I know I am forgiven, yet I can't seem to let it go.
The ghost shall haunt me for awhile
Of that I'm very sure.
God has cast my past into a sea of forgetfullness
But, I need time to heal.
I'm sure in time, I'll forgive myself
Learn to let it go
So, for now I'll say goodbye to my fretful ghost
And sink into a peaceful slumber
Where nothing can touch me
And I will not fail.
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141,408 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
Wow!
Just wow!
I can completely relate to this. The words are so simple yet meaningful. No review from me. I didn't find anything wrong in it.
Anyways, keep writing!
I can't say anything important about this because I'm don't know that much about poems. But I can say that if you kept your spacing between two lines to one or two spaces, it would have been better.
Okay, I can say it's a greatly written poem. About that unforgiving ghost and the person turning to a new way to forget about the ghost.
I think this would have been better if it was "It doesn't want me to forget"
That's the only thing I can point out.
But it was really greatly written poem.
Well done.
This is a very unique poem. It's like trying to leave all the past behind and start on a new path. Well, there are some parts that need to be improved a little, but still, great work!
Keep writing and good luck!
I think it is a very great poem, trying to forget the ghosts of the pasts... sort of what I try to do. I also like the mystery... all together very good! (sorry, brain dead, can't think of any better adjectives
)
Hello, well I took a look at the other version of this poem and I thought that it needed more. Since it was locked I came to read this one and it is a much improved. Although, in my opinion, I think that the topic that you chose to write about should be more explored say by writing a narrative poem. This fits perfectly in lyric poetry because it flows right down to the end but I think you could do so much more with this.
Keep writing,
-Angel
Ohh yes....i wrote it so quickly, i didn't really think of putting whisper. that would be a much better word.
im glad i had fewer editing mistakes this time. :]
thanks for the review,
as always.
A good poem, I love the mysteriousness of the ghost
. I think most people have commented on improvements before, as you rewrote it, but I do have some tiny nitpicks.
Shaking doesn't need to be capitalised, but maybe you could put a fullstop after breathing to make two seperate sentences to add affect.
No comma needed
Personally, I think it would flow better if you replaced "say" with "whisper" or "wave" but this could just be me.
Favourite line of poem: "I will not fail"
It's so definite and a very powerful ending it really highlights the characters determination.