New World

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

“Lady Blanche!” You blink groggily as you open your eyes. Your hand brushes against the silk sheets of the bed you lay in. Silk? You sit up hurriedly, looking down at the strange bed you find yourself in. Rose petals adorn the bed. Candles that were possibly lit the night before trace a path from the door to the place you lie in. Your bed is made of soft material and a stuffed animal lays under the sheets beside you. Along with the young man who lies half naked beside you. Huh?

You cover yourself, your cheeks burning red with embarrassment. “What are you doing in a young lady’s bed?” You say shrilly, grabbing onto the sheets and using them as cover while you retreat away from the bed. However the young man looks as bewildered as you do, looking around frantically at the room he finds himself in. He mutters, “Wasn’t I just in the Library’s Disposal room?”

Disposal room? You open your mouth to ask a question however the same voice that awoke you calls again from the door. This time filled with urgency. “Lady Blanche, hurry! Lady Del Lune is here! You need to hide Prince Trilith!” Too late. The doors slam open, the dark room filling with light…along with a silver haired woman. The young Archduchess narrowed her eyes as she looked at the scene, her tone icy as she glared at the two in bed, “What is the meaning of this Prince?”

Well this is quite the little scene here. A powerful one, and a confusing one at the same time by which I mean in the good way that we can understand the sheer confusion that everyone in this scene happens to be experiencing at this moment with what's going down here.

I love the way this pans from the simple description and then into the actual scene here. You really set up a neat little scene establishing how its all come together in terms of the feeling of the bed and the surroundings and then the sheer shock factor of precisely what is in said bed comes together incredibly well there showcasing just how confusing it is for both parties judging by that reaction that we saw there from the Prince.

And that last paragraph closes it out perfectly. The servants all seemingly aware and trying to patch up what's happening before a scandal takes place while the two of them look completely confused by it all.

Overall a wonderful way to capture this I think, its a simple scene but it stands out strongly with these little details you've managed to squeeze in. Very nicely done there!

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate

Hi again Honja! Atticus here, tackling some more green room works while I can Let's jump right into it!

First of all, a quick note: please mark this as 12+ or 16+ due to sexual content, as there are some sexual implications throughout this work. While that's completely permissible on YWS, we do ask that people give it an appropriate tag so that our younger members aren't exposed to material they may not be comfortable with. You're not in trouble at all, so don't worry, but this helps us keep YWS friendly for all ages.

Moving into the actual content, I thought that second person was an interesting choice for narration here. It was not my favorite -- although it's workable and my discomfort may lay in my lack of familiarity with it as a narrative choice. This article gives an introduction to some tips and tricks for writing in second person; I'd recommend checking it out if you're interested! I will say to be cautious with this, as it's a bit more tricky to master and can have some unintended effects if you're not as familiar as writing with it.

I did notice that you used quite a few adverbs in your writing. This can have the effect of weakening your writing, as it packs a less powerful punch than finding singular verbs or nouns that convey the same message. For instance, here you write:

You sit up hurriedly, looking down at the strange bed you find yourself in.

Instead, something like this:

You shoot upright, looking down at the strange bed you find yourself in

capture and commands more attention, and improves the pacing of the story (as in, the narration is quick and brief, just as the action is). Generally adverbs are fairly easy to spot, as they often end in -ly; I find that trying to eliminate all adverbs and replace them with a singular noun or verb (says questioningly becomes asks, etc.) is a fun writing exercise that I recommend in the editing process!

Beyond that, I thought the setting of this story and the description was spot-on. The fantasy setting works well with the plot you've chosen, and the description did a great job at painting a picture for what's occurring. I thought it was a good point to start the story as well, with someone waking up from slumber and not quite knowing what is going on. It kept my attention throughout, and I am interested to find out what happens next to these characters!

I hope this review was helpful to you! Please feel free to reach out with any questions or concerns.

Best,
Atticus