Young Writers Society

Hello!!

I'm a little confused after reading because it's listed as a short story but I feel like I'm missing a big part of the story. Who are these people? How did they meet? What's the build up to this intimate moment? I think the moment you've shown here could be more powerful if we have some of the backstory about these two people. (And maybe there is more to this story that was posted earlier or hasn't been posted yet that I missed).

The title being "her fantasy" though makes me think that it's just that - a fantasy. Which is fine! And an interesting idea! But I think the same though applies for me. Even if it's a fantasy, I want to know more about her and I want to know more about this guy she's fantasizing about and how we got to this intimate moment. Why is this in particular a fantasy for her? What is it about this guy that makes it so special? Or what is it about the act that makes it so special for her?

As for the writing itself, it reads like I'd expect an adult romance to read! I thought you balanced the descriptions well and while there was a little too much rose imagery for my liking, nothing made me want to barf in my mouth, which is good :p (I'm sure you've read some adult romance stuff that makes you want to barf because it's so over the top!)

I think overall I'd like you to zoom out a little bit more and give me a little more context about these characters and why this is happening now (and if it's purely fantasy, why this is a fantasy) to make it a more well-rounded story and less of a moment. Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd me to comment on anything else!

This was a very good story. I liked the part that was. Add more details next time. Improve Adapt Improvise

Hi there Honeypod and welcome to YWS! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.

The first paragraph is solid, but it feels a little weird to be the opener of the story. I would start with what you currently have as the third paragraph, setting this scene of a nice tame world that she doesn't really want.

So...we have this man and woman in some sort of relationship, and then all of a sudden they flip from what sounds like it was a more conventional into a more BDSM type relationship with essentially no discussion. That's the sort of relationship romanticized in books like Fifty Shades of Gray, but it's not great in reality. A healthy relationship exploring those kind of dynamics would talk about it and get full consent before anything happens. If I were writing a romance/sex story, I would think about what sort of relationship I'm promoting in my work as something my readers should desire.

Also, I feel like I'm getting a snippet of something that doesn't make much sense in context. I don't know who these people are and I'm not given a reason to care. I get the impression that they're both pretty casual in previous relationships and I guess they see something different in each other, but I'm not sure what that is. This seems like it could be a decent turning point, but it doesn't feel like a self-contained story on its own. Also, the rose metaphor is kind of convoluted and roses are so overused that it's hard to reference them without sounding cliched.

I would build up the characters a little more. Give them names, give them backstories, let us see their dynamic. The "good girl gone bad" and "submitting to a mysterious dominant man" tropes are pretty well-worn, but that doesn't mean there couldn't be something that stands out here. I'm just not seeing it yet.

She wanted to be his only muse and not just some late night afterthought.