Sorry Can't Help Anything (Chapter One)

Today is the day. The day I can finally kiss him. Hold his hand. See his face in person. After a year of Skype calls, texts, calls and emails. A year of sleeping in our empty bed, thinking of him. He’s finally coming back from his service. God I miss him so much. He’s the only thing I’m thinking about.

We have it planned out. I have a “doctor’s appointment” to go to, so he can pick me up from school at eleven.

I gather all of my things in my backpack and sit with my friends at lunch waiting for his text, so I can see him.

“Where are you going Evan?” my friend Lynn asks.

“Going to see Nathan,” I say checking my phone.

“Ooo. He’s finally coming back?” Kay asks.

I nod smiling. My phone buzzes.

I’m here babe

I smile and say bye to Kay and Lynn. I walk through the front doors. I look for a second then I see him standing in front of his truck. He smiles. I smile back and run to him. I drop my bag before I hug him. He stumbles a few steps before he regains balance. I smile into his chest.

I hug him tight my head touches his cheek. He kisses my head. We hug for a while then he tilts my chin to look into his green eyes that reflect the sunlight. He kisses me and I kiss him back. I feel the warmth on his lips and on his fingers that pulls me into him.

He smiles whenever he kisses me.

I pick up my bag and get into his truck.

“I love you Evanlyn,” he says starting the truck.

“You know you’re the only person who calls me that?” I say leaning on his shoulder. I look out his window and watch the school get farther away.

“Yeah, I know. I just love the sound of your full name. Evanlyn Louise Lucas. It’s the best name ever,” he says in a goofy romantic voice.

“Gosh, you’re such a dork,” I say smiling into his chest.

We ride in silence all the way to our apartment. Our roommate, Ryan, doesn’t come home from work until four.

I moved out from my house during our six month anniversary because my mom and my sister passed away a month before then and my dad began drinking and verbally and physically abusing my brother and I.

I leave my bag in his car and grab his keys and go up the stairs to our room. Third floor. I unlock the door, I put his keys in the keybowl and take off my shoes. He spins me around and kisses me with intent.

I kiss him back. Hard. I feel his hands run down my back. He grabs the hem of my shirt. He shuts the door and makes me walk into the room. He takes off my shirt.

I find his shirt and take if off. I feel his chest and he picks me up and kisses me. He walks into our room and shuts the door. He drops me on the bed, he unbuckles his pants and slips them off. I slip mine off too.

He towers over me, I take off my bra. He pins me to the bed and takes off my boxers, then his. His kisses my neck down to my stomach, then my legs. He spreads my legs, kisses my inner thighs, he smiles at me.

We get tired and go under the covers. We fall asleep spooning.

I wake up to my phone buzzing. I see it on the nightstand and grab it. I open the text from my brother, Ely.

Where are you?

I reply.

Home, why?

I roll out of bed. Find my bra and boxers then put them on. I look in his drawer and put on a button down shirt. I open the door and walk to the kitchen. I’m starving, so I get a box of macaroni and start boiling the water.

I look into the living room and say, “Hey Ryan, want some mac and cheese?”

He looks away from the tv at me and nods.

Ely calls me.

“Hello,” I say stirring the noodles.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing really, why?”

“Dad’s in the hospital. I just got called a little bit ago. He was passed out drunk at a bar, so he got taken to the hospital. They, uh--he has cancer. Like really bad. He’s in a coma as we speak.”

“That fucker can die, I don’t care.”

“Yeah I know, but he’s our dad.”

“Ely. That fucktard abused us. He got a year in prison for raping me. He got Mom and Gwen killed. He can go rot in hell for all I care.”

“Okay. Sorry to salt your wound. Bye.”

“Bye.”

I set out three bowls. After the mac and cheese is done I pour it into the three bowls. I grab two forks and bowls. I walk over to Ryan. I watch him play video games and eat mac and cheese.

“Fucking hacker bitch,” he shouts into his headset.

I laugh at him.

“What? You think you can do better Evan?” he asks.

“Bet money I can,” I say.

I stand up and hands me the controller and headset. I end up getting fifty kills, twenty were headshots, and I only died ten times.

I hand him back the controller and headset. His mouth is open with surprise.

“That’s my girl,” Nathan says walking out of his room in boxers and a t-shirt.

He grabs my waist and pulls me into him. He kisses my head. I let him take me into the kitchen. He grabs a bowl. He looks at me. He looks at me with those green eyes. I look at his furrowed eyebrows with a spoonful of mac and cheese in his mouth.

“What was that phone call about?” he asks.

“Just Ely. Nothing.”

Nathan takes me into the living area and turns on the radio. He dances with me while eating mac and cheese. I laugh at him trying to eat and dance. He pouts at me and sets the bowl down.

We dance to a few songs. We get tired from dancing to all my favorite songs. I sit on his lap on the couch listening to him breathing heavily. My phone rings. I answer it.

“Hello?” I ask sitting up.

“Evan, it’s Kate,” she pauses. She starts crying. I hear the bottle of pills in her hand move. “I love you and--”

“I’m on my way. Shop?”

“Yeah.”

I hang up and put on my socks. I rush into Nathan’s room, I grab my pants, his pants and a sweatshirt for me.

“Put on your pants and shoes. I need you to take me to the tattoo shop,” I say trying to get the sweatshirt on.

Nathan helps me get it on, takes my hand and grabs his keys. We get into his truck. We drive in silence to the tattoo shop. I get out and tell him I’ll call him when I need picked up.

I walk in and Kate’s brother and Dad are gone, but Will is there.

“Will?” I say walking over to the chairs.

“Hey Evan. What’s up?”

“Where’s Kate?”

“In the bathroom,” Will says pointing to the back.

I nod. I run to the bathroom, but I think, what if I’m too late? I throw the door open and look at Kate with a handful of pills in one hand and the bottle in the other. I run in front of her and knock the pills on the floor.

She starts bawling and shouting at me.

“Kate,” I say softly. She calms down, but still crys. “If you ever killed yourself I wouldn’t be able to live in this world.” She tries to talk. “Stop. I love you more than you even know. You’re my bestfriend I tell you everything and you tell me everything. If you ever killed yourself I wouldn’t be able to keep living myself. I would feel like you doing that would be my fault and this world would be the shitiest place in the universe without you. So, stop trying to do this because I care too much for this shit to ever happen again. I’m also not the only person who cares about you. I just care the second most. You’re dad cares about you more than anything, ever.”

I wipe her face of tears on the sleeve of Nathan’s hoodie and she calms down. I grab her hand. She walks with me out of the bathroom.

“Will? Can I use your car to take Kate home? Promise I’ll be careful.”

He tosses me his car keys and I get in his car with Kate. Before I start the car I squeeze her hand. She smiles at me.

I drive to her house and help her inside. I walk her into her room. She climbs under the covers of her bed.

“Where are the other pills?” I ask crossing my arms.

“What do you mean?” Kate asks wiping tears off her face.

“I said, where are the other pills, Kate.” She doesn’t say anything. “Kate, don’t you fucking lie to me. You told me like a year ago you had a some pill bottles under your bed just in case.”

“You remembered that?”

“Yes, because I care about you.”

She gets up and pulls out three pill bottles out of the drawer under her bed. I put them in a bag. I hug her. She cries into my shoulder.

“Now, get some sleep.”

I kiss her forehead and she climbs into bed. I linger for a minute longer. I walk out of her room. I stop down the basement where her stepmom is.

“Hey, Evan. Didn’t know you were here,” Jane says.

“Yeah, um, I brought Kate home from the shop, because she called me. She was gonna kill herself will pills. Don’t flip out, she’s upstairs sleeping just go check on her every once in awhile. Also, don’t force her to talk about it.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks so much Evan. See you around.”

“Bye, Jane.”

I get back into Will’s car and lean my head on the steering wheel. Tears roll down my cheeks. “Fuck,” I say to myself. I pull out my phone. I find Nathan and call him to pick me up at the shop. I drive there. I give Will his keys back. While waiting I sit on one of the couches looking outside.

I see Nathan pull up. I walk out of the shop and I get into his truck.

“Want to talk about it?” he asks wiping my face from tears.

I shake my head. He kisses my cheek and drives to our apartment. I grab my bag, then walk in the door behind him. I walk over to the table and take off his hoodie. I look over at Nathan. I smile, then start crying.

“Awe, babe,” he says walking over to me. He pulls me into him and I lose it. He walks me into his room and sits on the bed. I pull off my shorts and socks and climb onto his lap. He looks up at me. “Wanna talk about it now?”

“She could’ve been dead… I--Kate, gone,” I say holding his hands. I bring his hands to my face and cry into them. 

I climb off of Nathan and under the covers. I cry into the pillow. He leaves the room and shuts the door. I cry myself asleep.