Milo woke up to a screeching sound of creaking wood; somebody was walking through the apartment.
“Uh…” He said, as he stretched his arms out of exhaustion. “Wasn’t this place almost empty?”
He rolled out of the dusty couch and put on his gray and green sweater. He grabbed his broom, and walked outside.
“John… I promise I am paying rent tomorrow, just let me clean the halls for the last couple of dollars I need.” He said, his voice echoing through the empty halls.
No response.
“John?” He repeated, no voice answering back.
No one seemed to be there, the building was empty. It looked like a weird nightmare. A ‘no one is left’ type of nightmare.
“Ohh… I this is a dream, I am oversleeping and I’m going to wake up at any moment!” he guessed, delusionally.
Then, the eerie silence was broken by a step echoing from afar. Milo's body froze, sending chills down his spine. Other steps followed, getting consecutively louder and louder as the mysterious person approached.
He suddenly snapped back to reality, instinctively rushing back to his room.
“Wh- who is there?” He managed to murmure, sticking his head out.
“No, I won’t be bossed around.” He told himself, not even fooling himself.
He filled up with bravery and sneakily slid out of his room, trying to not be heard. He tiptoed down into the halls, then around the corner…
“Brr… Brr… Brains…” A raspy voice said, it didn’t seem to be coming from far away.
“Hey… sir…” Milo managed to say, his voice small.
Bam! A rotten zombie jumped out of the halls.
What is that thing?! Where is everyone?!
The undead stared at him with a hungry look, his eyes empty black. The zombie seemed to be frozen. Milo’s brain turned off. He was about to pass out. In an instant, the zombie charged at him! Thankfully that woke him up, his reflexes moving him just in time.
Frightened, he dashed back to his room, the zombie right behind. He instinctively slammed the door shut. Leaving the zombie outside.
He ran to the corner of the house, into the kitchen, desperately looking for a knife to defend himself with.
“A fork?! That’s it?!” He exclaimed in horror, he had thrown away most of his utensils planning to buy new ones.
He frantically grabbed the fork and tried to hide in the corner. He could hear the zombie scratching and tearing the door apart; he would soon break in.
“Stay back! I… I have a weapon!” Milo said, threatening with fear, holding the fork towards the door.
The zombie, as a brainless creature, didn't follow instructions from anybody thus not stopping.
Fear filled his body, what should he do? What COULD he do?
Strangely enough, the zombie stopped, sounding like he was stepping back.
“Phew… he is gone-”
SLAM! The zombie flew through the door, slamming into the dusty wooden floor of Milo's apartment. It slowly stood back up, filling the room with the smell of rotten, moldy skin. Milo jumped out of fear, causing the zombie to get agitated. Milo grabbed his cutting board and tossed it at the zombie, distracting it enough for him to move.
“Back off!” He yelled in horror, backing away. “I don’t want to hurt you!”
The zombie growled, slowly raising its hand trying to reach for Milo.
"Don't take another step!" Milo yelled in fear as he stepped back.
With one abrupt move, the zombie propelled towards Milo, jaw open. Jumping back in fear, Milo slammed into his window, and thinking fast, jumped out.
He didn't realize what he had just done until he was in the air, he jumped from the top floor of the apartments.
"Few... Im' saf-" He thought, until it finally clicked, “Wait- i'm falling?!”
He desperately looked for something to hold onto. The closest thing being the floor. He closed his eyes, knowing what was happening next.
Then… BAM! He hit the floor, but strangely enough, it didn't feel like crashing into concrete, more like falling into an old mattress… He sniffed the place, his body still tense, it smelled like rotten bananas… He slowly opened his eyes, knowing what this might be.
“Puah!! Eww! Why the trash?! There were some mattresses just beside the trash can!” He said, disgusted by the smell and stains left on his sweater. “And… no! My hair is ruined!”
He jumped out of the container, soaking wet from the mysterious fluids that mixed in the trash bag.
He grabbed a container out of the trash; using it to collect a bit of the water from the light rain.
Then, he took a quick bath and also fixed his hair too.
After taking his quick bath using the rain, he looked at his surroundings. The city had been evacuated, it was empty, some empty cars left behind crashed into buildings. There was a zombie attack. He sneakily passed by one of the cars crashed into the apartments, a smell of rotten flesh filling the car and the building surrounding it.
“Please tell me it's a zombie and not a corpse.” He thought to himself stopping to look.
He slowly looked over the car’s window… His nightmare was true, it wasn't a zombie but a dead body. A human body. It was a woman, some flesh bitten off, blood filling the car walls and floor. She probably crashed into the apartment walls while everybody was escaping and unfortunately, the zombies caught on.
This was a lot gorrier than he could have thought. He had heard of some weird experiments happening around here, but he never thought it could end up so horribly.
As Milo went deeper into the desolate city, he looked for some kind of rescue plane through the swirling dust of the debris.
He slowly scanned the sky, shaken by what his eyes were seeing. The clouds revealed fissures in the sky, these revealing cracks in space and time.
As he stood there, mesmerized by the strange beauty of this midnight sky, the ominous groan of a horde of zombies snapping him back to reality. Milo decided to head to the Mayor’s house located in the park, hoping to find supplies. The place, however, was in shambles—raided and infested with the undead.
Determined to atleast get something out of this frightening travel, Milo decided to go to the Mall. To his disappointment, the place had been raided as well. With nothing more than a flashlight he found from the toy Isle, Milo left disappointed. Dejected, Milo sat below a tree, contemplating his next move.
Just as he began to lose hope, he was jolted awake by the groan of a zombie, sending a chill down his spine.
Milo knew he was defenseless, the fact that zombies relied on their sense of smell not helping at all. As expected, the zombie detected his presence immediately.
Panic set into Milo as the zombie approached him. making it apparent that this creature knew where he was. In a panic, Milo threw a rock far away as a distraction for the zombie, attempting to flee.
Unfortunately, not to Milo’s knowledge, the undead were basically deaf. The zombie immediately dashed towards Milo. He kept running in circles, feeling the zombie’s breath in his neck. Just when his legs were about to give up, a defeaning sonic boom reverberated through the sky.
Milo caught a glimpse of a small blue meteorite leaking out of one of the fissures in the sky.The commotion distracting the zombie momentarily, allowing Milo to climb up a tree. As he observed the object descend from the sky, he noticed it took a sharp turn, redirecting towards him, then colliding with the zombie’s forehead, knocking the creature unconscious and shattering the meteorite into pieces.
Milo cautiously descended and approached the unconscious zombie, reaching out for the shards from the strange meteor and made his way back to the mall. In there, he found some duct tape to piece the meteorite back together.
After he reassembled the object, he realized this wasn't a random rock, but instead a giant, foot and a half tall diamond. This beautiful crystal had a faint turquoise glow. Since it was a bit too big, Milo disassembled it once again, and put the shards in his backpack.
Armed with his flash light, Milo ventured through the other side of the abandoned mall.
There was nothing left there, just a promotional sign for the new jewelry shop that just opened.
“Wait…” He said to himself, the moment a idea struck him, “Can I use the jewelry store stuff to fix this rock?”
With anticipation, Milo retrieved the duct tape and the diamond from his backpack and made his way to the jewelry shop. To his relief, the shop still contained various tools, including the magnifying glasses. He placed the blue diamond shards on a tray, directing a small light at the objects. Through the magnifying glass, Milo noticed deep cracks and scratches marring these crystals. It seemed nearly impossible to restore the diamond to its original state, causing Milo to give up in frustration. After all, he wasn't a professional. Nonetheless, he knew the diamond was a valuable find.
Milo peeled off the duct tape residue and gently wiped away any dirt with a piece of cloth, clumsily dropping the tray in the process. Then, without warning, the shards began to vibrate, emitting a buzzing sound and intense heat. Milo attempted to grab them, only to burn his hand in the process.
"Ouch!" he yelped, recoiling in pain. "What the heck?!"
As Milo backed away, the crystals continued to radiate an unbearable heat. To his astonishment, the objects began to float, and through the dancing flames, he could see the diamond's eerie, aquamarine glow.
"Wha—"
BOOM!
The pressure from the intense heat shattered the store's glass windows, and Milo instinctively shielded his face. He braced himself for the worst, expecting to be struck by shards or collapse from blood loss. But nothing happened. He felt no pain, no impact—just heard the sound of glass shattering.
Slowly, Milo uncovered his eyes, surveying the scene. The heat had dissipated, the flames had extinguished themselves, and the molten glass lay cooling on the floor. As he looked down, he realized he was now wearing an aquamarine diamond armor.
"What? I... I didn't put this on!" Milo marveled at the shimmering armor, momentarily captivated by its beauty.
Before he could find a mirror to examine his appearance, the diamond armor emitted a blinding white light, causing him to shield his eyes once more. When he regained his vision, he noticed the armor had vanished, dissolved into tiny particles of light.
"No... No!!!" Milo exclaimed, desperately trying to grab the elusive lights, attempting to reform them into the beautiful armor.
Fortunately, his disappointment was short-lived as the tiny light particles began to merge, emitting another radiant glow. Then, a thud drew his attention, and he noticed the full diamond lying on the ground, miraculously restored to its original, flawless form.
"Whoa... How did it do that!" Milo said, overcome with amazement.
He grabbed the diamond, noticing its smooth surface, now devoid of cracks and scratches. It had somehow transformed into an armor to protect him and then reverted to its initial state. This mysterious gem was undoubtedly extraordinary, and Milo knew he had found something truly remarkable.
End of chapter
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This is AMAZING! Like, Holy 🍮 bro you cooked. I've always liked Zombie stories but this is just, (imagine a random blondie doing a chef's kiss) masterpiece. Also I can't wait to see what the Diamond turns into next. Keep up the good work!
Tysm! This first chapter was written a few years back so I wasn't sure people would like it
thanks for the support!
Hi, HoliBanana. I will be reviewing your work today.
This is a very interesting and surreal world you have created. You combined several elements here, but personally the one that really struck me the most was the anomaly in the sky. I liked the mystery of it, but at the same time I wish to know more about.
On the whole, the impression was that it was a nice and creative try, an exciting way to kick off your story, although there are some points and recommendations I'd like to raise:
Firstly, the intermission, "Five minutes later," feels out of place in the story. It breaks the flow and intensity of the ongoing action between Milo and the zombie.
I could suggest skipping the intermission entirely and instead bridging the action scene with Milo falling off the building to keep the readers engaged. Perhaps, since I see you're aiming for humour as well, you could add a hilarious sequence leading up to Milo's fall, but this is just a suggestion to help me get the idea across.
The following scene honestly confused me as a reader. Milo fell off the 12th floor (I never imagined he lived in an apartment that high and dusty and managed singly by a guy named John), lands on garbage with mattresses, survives without a single injury (even with mattresses, off of 12th story?), and his first concern getting up was his hair and smell. Moreover is the way he actually took a bath with rain water using a container he found on garbage, all after he had just fought a zombie and nearly died. As a reader, the story felt unbelievable.
Although fiction writers usually bends the rules of logic and reality in their stories, I could recommended either to embody absurdity as a whole and commit to it from the start or creating more probable stakes for Milo's survival. Deus ex machina situations may frustrate readers, especially when it feels very unlikely and out of the story's character. I suggest a logical deliberation even over illogical circumstances, such that the scene feels believable for readers. That way, they could focus on the plot.
Additionally, the character's attitude could be reexamined here. As a quick suggestion, you could try putting yourself in Milo's own shoes. Although you, not only as a writer but as a person, and Milo are two distinct people with different character and attitudes, one thing you have in common is your humanity. Think of Milo as a human like you are; imagine how you would react in his situation, having just experienced nearly dying, adrenaline still flowing in your veins, and the unexpected and very unlikely survival you had just when you already accepted your fate still fresh in you. Introspection could give life and humanity to your characters, and it could also be an effective tool to help readers relate with them more.
To conclude, the work has a lot of potential. I really enjoyed the work. Zombies, sky anomalies, strange diamond armour—there's a lot of thrill thinking of the many possibilities of how the story would go with elements this diverse. Fun to imagine Milo blasting his way in flames through hordes of zombies in that meteoric armour. Overall, very interesting. Keep it up!
Thanks for the feedback, this chapter was written a while back so some things are too childish. I will review these bits to keep the pace consistent. Thanks for the feedback!
Gave those little bits a little fix
hope you can check that bit.
Hello! Just popping by to give a quick review!
This is a very exciting and interesting beginning to your story with twists and turns, that leave questions about what has happened, and what will happen. The chapter starts off with the main character Milo confused and scared after he woke up in his apartment building and finding himself face to face with a zombie. We then learn that the area had been evacuated through him saying "The city had been evacuated." Through this quote, a few questions do come to mind while trying to picture the whole story, like:
Where was Milo during the evacuation? Did he sleep through it? What was Milo doing while all of this was happening?
These are a few questions that can be answered through simple sentences where Milo could state, "I wish I had evacuated yesterday too" or "maybe I shouldn't have slept for 16 hours."
The way Milo continues to be scared and runs from the many hoards of zombies is quite the comedic relief, making the situation funny. It currently seems as though Milo will have a hard time surviving due to the zombies running around, and lack of food that he has found. Running around the tree was quite hilarious.
To finish this off, this chapter is full of questions. From the start to the end, Milo jumps from place to place in the city trying to survive an unseen and sudden apocalypse. Milo leaves many questions, and even more when this strange magical item shows up. Overall a really interesting read and I'm looking forward to reading more at some point. Keep up the good work!
Many of the questions are answered farther into the book. For example, your main question, how he passed through the evacuation is soon after explained in the next chapter (Spoiler: they where abandoned by the goverment). Hope you see the next chapter!