Soft ears, doggy breath
Auburn hair, whiskers that stick out
Gray tinged around the mouth, white belly underneath
Short and stout, curly tail waving
Getting old, getting tired
Not like she used to be
Good and faithful, a great companion
Soft curls, curvy whiskers
Auburn hair, white belly
And the depth of brown shows
How the puppy in her
Never left
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
**My Thoughts**
This nearly made me cry. I usually don't cry at poems or books, but I nearly did. I really don't know why. Anyways, hello @Ho4x, LZ here with a review.
**Formatting and Grammar**
Formatting was great! I liked how most of the lines were around the same length. It was very neat.
As for grammar, I only noticed one thing (that may not be a mistake):
Did you mean curly whiskers? I understand you did just use "curls" before hand, but "curly" would make more sense.
**Punctuation and Capitalization**
As for punctuation, you didn't use any besides comma. It looks good in this poem. I appreciated how you did capitalize all the first words. The poem looks very neat because of this.
**Other**
I have a dog, who is now approaching 14. He's a Labrador Retriever, so that's a pretty long life. Frazer's gold fur has turned white in various areas. He always falls at least twice when he tries to stand. But, he still has the puppy in him. When people arrive, he's all jumpy (as much as he can be) and rubs against him. He tries to catch the tennis balls, but gives up half way through. I love him so much.
Keep on writing, this poem was great. Have a wonderful Wednesday!
Oddly enough, I was just mentioning in a review how if a person writes a poem about their dog that they should use concrete details about their dog, because it makes the poem more concrete rather than theoretical and abstract.
You've done a great job with the imagery here - I can just picture your adorable dog that you're describing and you've got a good instinct for line breaks too. I also like at the end how you say "the puppy in her never left" that brings some significance to the poem as for humans we like to attribute emotion and extended meaning to animals and sometimes even objects, and like connections of these outward things to our own life experience. I enjoy that you mixed physical imagery with descriptions of the dog's personality as well.
The only piece of criticism is I'd love a bit more of the speaker's own interaction with the dog - do they love the dog, do they play with the dog, how did they meet the dog? etc. These details would help us have even more empathy and connection with the speaker to build a closer connection.
Overall, this is one of the best dog odes that I've read! Keep writing!
Tell your dog "whoof" from me!
-alliyah
Heyo! I’m new to this reviewing thing actually all of YWS to be exact so please excuse me if I’m not doing this right.
I really like this little poem you made. Although I found it a little confusing when at the end it says:
“ Auburn hair, white belly
And the depth of brown shows
How the puppy in her
Never left”
Are you talking about her hair being brown? I felt like I needed to read that line a few times to understand. But it might be just me not being very good at reading poems.
Anyway, I really enjoyed your poem and it seems like your dog is very good and beautiful.
Keep writing ❤️
Hi!
I loved this poem! I can picture your dog really well; I love the description. I’m a little confused how a dog can have auburn hair, but that might just be me.
You say ‘getting old, getting tired, not like she used to be’, and that was kind of powerful to me. I used to have a dog who you could see getting older, and it’s a really good description of what happens over time. But you also kind of say that that’s okay because the puppy in her never left, and that’s really great.
I love how you end, too. Your line breaks were really useful, and that made it powerful.
I only think that, in the fourth line, waving might be better as wagging? That’s just my opinion, though. It’s your choice.
Yeah. I hope this helps and welcome to YWS (I don’t know if I can officially say that yet because I’m technically a new member too, but welcome anyway!)
-Rana Noodles