Young Writers Society

Sorry I was so late to post this - Year 12 throws so much homework at you, It's hard to make time for anything.

Please tell me how real the characters seem and how I could improve them (as well as anything else you spot that could be improved)

Arthur's footsteps were drowned out by the gale as he walked briskly along the cobbled streets toward home. On either side of the road he was surrounded by walls of foreboding houses, casting muted shadows upon his path. A few drops of drizzle before the storm began to fall as he turned onto a dirt track between two fences. Crooked nails hanging from the neglected timber tried to gouge him as he passed through.

In the distance the sky was smeared towards the horizon by torrential rain. From his vantage point he could see the bleak plain surrounding the town over the top of the palisade.

The gate to his house creaked on its rusty hinges as he pushed it open. Up the garden path he dragged his feet, willing time to halt, knowing perfectly well that there was nothing he could do to resist conscription.

He reached out a trembling hand and pulled open the dilapidated door.

'Thank god your back,' said his distraught mother as she flung her arms around him. 'Where've you been?'

'Just out saying goodbye,' he said, his head resting on her shoulder.

'Come have some dinner,' she said, leading him by the hand into the kitchen.

'I don't want any,' said Arthur, 'I'm not hungry.'

'You have to eat something,' she pleaded. 'You hardly touched your breakfast and lunch.'

'I don't feel like eating.'

'Dear me,' said his mother, tears welling up in her eyes as she placed her hands on his shoulders. 'This is the last time I'll see you for ten years.'

'I don't want to go,' said Arthur, his tears finally bursting from him as he hugged his mother tightly. 'Don't let them take me.'

'I know,' sobbed his mother as she ran her fingers through his hair. 'I don't want them to either.'

The door flung open and his soaking wet father came in. 'Its alright son,' he said, hurrying towards him. 'It'll be alright.'

'Don't let them take me.'

'I wish I could. I really wish I could. But there's nothing I can do.'

Arthur released his mother from his embrace and wiped his eyes.

'I'm proud of you son,' his father said. 'When you finish your service, I promise you won't have to see war again.'

Arthur nodded, looking into his father's blue eyes.

'I think I might faint,' said Arthur's mother.

'Sit down Sue,' said Arthur's father, pulling a chair to her.

A crack of thunder resonated through the house, shaking the floorboards and rattling glasses. Arthur jolted around to face the door.

'It's just the storm,' said his father.

The brass doorknob slowly turned, and the door swung open, revealing two silhoettes against a flash of lightning. The soldiers stepped in, their boots clapping loudly on the floor. One of them stepped forward. In his hand was a rope. His other hand hovered by his sword.

'I've come for Arthur,' he said, glaring at Arthur's father.

Arthur took a step forward.

'Come here boy.'

Arthur stared back at the soldier. He wouldn't be moved so easily.

Before he could react, the other soldier swung his arm back and lashed out with a lead tipped whip. The metal sliced deeply into the skin on Arthur's chest, and he fell over. He felt the weight of one of the men on top of him. A fist smashed into the back of his head, slamming his jaw against the floor.

'You do as you're fucking told,' said the man, lifting Arthur up by the hair. He threw him against the wall.

'John, do something,' cried Sue.

Arthur saw through tear filled eyes as his father picked up a kitchen knife. The soldier was too busy aiming another punch to see him. The other guard called out a warning but it was too late. John pushed the dead body over.

Arthur's barely conscious body slid down the wall. He watched his father scramble for another knife. The soldier ran towards his parents with a sword drawn. John picked up a bloody meat cleaver. The soldier shied away slightly as he made a wide swing with it. The soldier edged carefully towards them, keeping both eyes fixed on John.

Taking advantage of this, Sue took the pot of steaming soup from the table and threw the contents on the soldeir. He screamed, and John slashed his neck with the cleaver.

'Son, are you okay,' said John. 'Son can you hear me?'

Arthur managed a groan.

'He needs help, get some water,' said John. Sue hurried to the kitchen.

Arthur felt his father's hands lift him up and carry him onto the carpet.

Sue arrived back with a jug of water and a wet cloth. She wiped the blood from his chest, revealing a deep purple scar. His father held his head in both hands, turning it from side to side whilst searching for fractures.

'What's going on?' said Arthur's sister Sibohan as she closed the front door behind her.

'Arthur's hurt,' said Sue.

'Jeez,' said Sibohan, kneeling beside him. 'That looks serious. Will he be alright?'

'He'll live,' said John.

'What'll we do,' said Sue. 'We'll all be arrested now. Probably killed too.

'I don't know,' said John, stroking Arthur's hair. 'We're in it now.' He breathed deeply through his nose. 'I'll go ask Black for help, he'll know what to do.'

Sue nodded. John stood and took his coat of the rack. The curtains blew violently in the wind as he opened the door.

John hurried through the empty street in the failing light. He held his arm above his eyes to shield them from the rain. Ahead stood a crude wooden shack. John knocked on the door and waited in the rain for an answer. A moment later, the door swung open, to reveal a large bearded man with a sword in his belt and a mug in his hand.

'John,' he said. 'Come in.'

John took off his wet coat and draped it over a wooden stool by the entrance. As he walked into the house, he felt the warmth emanating from a wood fire burning in the stone heath. It cast a warm light upon the walls of randomly placed wood, metal, bricks and canvas.

'What brings you here in this weather,' said Black as he placed his cup of coffee on the oak table.

'I need your help,' said John. 'Arthur just got beaten up by the guards who came to take him away to the army. I couldn't bear it. I killed the guards.'

'And now they're onto you,' said Black.

'Yes.'

Black walked over to his unmaid bed and pulled a key out of the pillowslip. 'Of course I'll help. It is an opportunity to show the Emperor he hasn't turned everyone into mindless slaves after all.' He inserted the key into an ornate chest at the foot of his bed. He lifted the lid open to reveal a large assortment of weapons.

'Hold these,' he said, passing a handful of swords to John. He then fished out two crossbows and a quiver full of bolts.

'Are we ready to go,' said John. 'I don't feel right leaving my family alone.'

'Just one more thing,' said Black. He strode to the fireplace and took a huge double sided axe down from its shelf.

John grabbed his coat off the stool on the way out. Black was dressed in a huge oilskin jacket. They ran back to John's house.

Arthur was sitting on a chair drinking a glass of water when they returned. His face was purple from bruising.

'How are you feeling?' said John.

'Crap,' replied Arthur in a pained voice. He took another sip of water. 'Does this mean we'll have to go into hiding?'

'We'll have to leave town at least,' said John. 'Hopefully it'll blow over eventually.'

'Shh,' said Black, completely still. 'I think I heard someone outside. Everyone hide.'

Arthur staggered into the kitchen with help from his mother. Sibohan was already there.

Black handed one of the crossbows to John. They were crouched behind a lounge chair.

'Let me make the call,' said Black.

John nodded, listening carefully. Footsteps came up the garden path, growing louder and louder. Then they stopped.

The door crashed open and two men with crossbows charged in, holding their weapons at the ready.

'Clear,' said a voice, and another two sets of footsteps entered the room.

Black listened, carefully determining the locations of each soldier. They were moving slowly through the front room. Two of them broke off and went down the hallway. Once they were gone, Black shot up and fired his crossbow at one of them. The other turned around, and was hit square in the chest by John's bolt. They writhed on the floor as Black ran to the hallway corner. One of the other men came running out to investigate. As soon as he was around the corner Black buried his axe in the back of his head.

The next man leapt around the corner and thrust his spear toward Black. Before it made contact, Black severred the barb from it. The guard threw the useless stick away and drew his sword. Black tried to quickly behead the man before his sword was drawn, but the guard was quick enough to parry. Black dodged a stab by stepping to the side. He swung at the man's outstretched arm. The guard withdrew it just in time. The two blades locked, producing a high pitched scraping noise. Black kicked the guard in the stomach. He crashed into the wall, and with lightning speed, Black shoved his sword into his neck.

Arthur heard cries for mercy, before they abruptly ceased as Black finished off the men with the crossbow bolts through them.

'We need to hide,' said Black as he and John walked into the kitchen. John stared at the ground.

'Follow me,' said Black as he slung his crossbow over his shoulder. They left via the back door. He helped them climb over the rusty iron fence onto a dirt track between the derelict houses. They ran through the freezing rain, the wind blocking out all other sounds, and blinding them to the fact that they were being followed.

A few minutes later they arrived outside an old barn near the edge of town. Leaning against it were planks of wood and sheets of rusty metal. A dense layer of cobwebs smothered the eaves. Most of the windows were either smashed or boarded up. When they entered it greeted them with the smell of mouldy straw. Faint blue beams of moonlight shone through holes in the roof.

Black fumbled in his pocket for a box of matches. He struck one, and the light revealed old horse stalls with the gates hanging off the hinges. He took a torch and lit the oily rag. It burst into flames, illuminating the building in red light.

'Wow,' said John. 'It doesn't look like anyone's been here in centuries.'

'Close to it,' said Black. 'This used to be farmland when my father's father was around. When the town was built this building was walled in. They used it for storage while the town was under construction, but since then it's been abandoned.'

'Are you sure the guards won't come here?' Said Sue.

'I've never known guards to come in here, and it's only for one night. Tommorow we'll leave town under disguise.'

'Why don't we go now?' said Sue.

'Because they'll be suspicious if we leave at night,' replied Black. 'During the day we'll blend in with the traders leaving town.'

Sue nodded and sat down in the hay. 'I suppose we'd better get some sleep then.'

'I'll stay on watch,' said Black. 'We can't be too careful.'

Black walked to the foot of a ladder that lead to the hayloft. It creaked as he climbed up, carefully testing the resilience of each rung before trusting it with his weight. The roof in the loft was low, and he had to walk hunched over to the window. He sat down and watched the wet road below.

Arthur lay in the hay, it's musty odour filling his nostrils. At least it was soft he thought. The events of the past hour were finally catching up with him.

Had he done the right thing? He had gotten out of ten years in the army, at least for the time being. But he had also dragged his family into trouble. It weighed heavily on his mind as he stared at the roof where thousands of spiders navigated the tangle of cobwebs.

The hours went by and still he couldn't sleep. He sat up, brushed the hay off himself, and looked up at the loft, remembering that Black was up there. He could sure do with some company. He walked to the ladder, careful not to be too loud.

'Can't sleep,' said Black, not even turning around.

'Yeah,' said Arthur, sitting down next to Black.

'You did the right thing,' said Black. 'Never let someone force you into something, no matter what.'

'I feel bad about dragging the whole family into it. And you too.

'Don't,' said Black, putting an arm around his shoulder.

'But it's for my sake that my family is suffering,' said Arthur, studying the patterns left in the wall by termites over the years.

'Your father loves you very much,' said Black. 'There aren't many people who have the love and the courage to stand up against the Empire to protect someone. He'd never want you to feel guilty about this.'

Arthur let out a sigh.

'Besides,' said Black, a hint of cheeriness invading his voice, 'wherever we go can't be worse than this right?'

'How did the Empire start?' said Arthur. 'Who'd want to create something so terrible?'

'Well,' began Black, clasping his hands. 'The Empire was founded sixty odd years ago. Before that, the land was covered by small peaceful villages. Nobody knew of war or famine.

'Emperor Julian Cajun was nineteen at the time. His hunger for power was unknown by people then. His goal was to unite the villages under him, so he could rule the world.'

'Why did people let him do it though?' said Arthur.

'He was cunning. He proposed that his village unite with a neighbouring one. Of course, in their ignorance the people agreed, seeing only the benefits of trade and increased wealth.

Cajun was hailed as a hero when the union became rich and plentiful. Droves of people moved there,seeking their own share in the abundance. It also inspired other villages to unite, until there were three unions, Cajun's being by far the most powerful.'

'Then he crushed the others?' said Arthur.

'Not quite,' said Black. 'He commanded them to join him. One of them did, the other refused. Cajun wasn't happy, and decided to take the third union by force. However, he had no army as of yet. No bloodshed had been necessary so far. So he announced that all men in his kingdom aged between twenty and twenty five must come to him. Not being used to obeying such orders, most didn't come.

'Cajun needed to show his subjects who was boss. His method was simple – kill all those who didn't show up, make those who did into officers, and levy all men aged fifteen to twenty five. Out of fear they came.

'The other union, had no leader. Instead the people voted on everything. They were divided over whether to succumb or fight back, and their division was their downfall.'

'Where you around then?' said Arthur

'My father was one of the ones killed for not showing up,' said Black.

'Oh,' said Arthur, 'I'm sorry.'

'It's alright,' said Black, taking a deep breath. 'My mother and I fled our home. I grew up on the border of the Empire where their grasp was weak. There was rarely a year without bloodshed. I saw the Empire's evil with my own eyes as it greedily tried to expand its borders into neighbouring countries.

When I turned seventeen, I became a mercenary with some mates. We were hired by the neighbouring kingdom Arbadras in the fight against the Empire. I sure saw some bloody battles and lost a lot of friends. We were pushed back in to the Northern deserts, where Arbadras lies today. Back then it occupied much of the Empire's lands.'

'I always thought you were in Cajun's army,' said Arthur.

'No,' replied Black firmly. 'Never have been, never will be. I fought against them.'

'Oh.'

'After four years of fighting, I was captured and taken to the heart of the Empire as a slave to work on the Emperor's citadel. We were whipped and mistreated for years, until the citadel was finally completed. It is completely impenetrable, with flawless defences. Only sheer numbers could overwhelm such a structure.'

The ladder creaked. They turned around and saw John climb into the loft. 'Hey,' he said 'You guys ought to get some sleep, I'll take over the watch.'

'Come on,' said Black, 'A good night's sleep'll do us good. Big day ahead.'

Arthur crawled to the ladder and lowered himself onto it. Black waited at the top. The ladder was rough but dry. The rain still bucketed down outside, but the thatched roof silenced it somewhat, and the barn's atmosphere was warm despite the abundance of leaks and cobwebs. Arthur settled down in the hay and fell asleep.