E - Everyone

Piercing the Veil CHP 2 {Sanders Sides Fanfiction}

J.M.J

CHP 1 RECAP: Thomas Sanders enrolls in an experimental drug trial designed to prevent magical veil piercings from healing. After getting pierced as an adult despite the risks, he falls unconscious and wakes in a hospital bed attended by a strangely familiar person who disappears when the doctor enters. The doctor informs him he received the placebo and his veil will heal normally, then clears him to leave. Ignoring advice to call a cab, Thomas chooses to drive himself home.

Thomas backed the car out of his parking spot in the hospital parking structure slowly. The entire hospital ground was a labyrinth of confusingly labeled buildings pointed to by poorly designed cartoonish maps and the parking structure was no different. It was five stories tall and annoyingly cramped, not to mention full. He was forced to park on the fourth story on his way in, and it was even more crowded now.

A few cars were trying to leave like he was, but the majority were looking for parking spots. Thomas had to keep pulling to the side to let someone go past him. There was also the occasional pedestrian, mostly parents and their children. It reminded Thomas that St. Luke's was a children's hospital. Eventually the concrete walls opened up and Thomas felt something in his chest unclench.

He validated his parking, smiled at the attendant, and turned onto the street. The roads were mostly open. It was late enough that most people had gotten to work, but still early enough that the lunch rush hadn’t started. Thomas maintained a slow pace, erring on the side of caution.

Eventually, his carefulness dulled with the repetition of driving. It was slowly getting more busy, but he wasn’t far from his house at this point. Thomas was surprised at how tired he was. The visit had taken more out of him than he’d thought. He would need to go back to sleep when he got home.

No, wait. That was wrong. Thomas gripped the steering wheel tighter. He didn’t feel like sleeping. He felt tired. His mind was still sharply aware of what was going on around him, but for some reason his hands felt tight, his breathing was heavier than it should be. His head hurt. Goosebumps had formed on his arms.

Thomas furrowed his brow, he looked down at his arms, how odd. He wondered what had-

It felt like he’d only glanced away from the road for a second when a loud blaring interrupted his musing. He stared blankly at the black truck hurtling toward him. It felt like his body responded to him sluggishly, or maybe that time had slowed down, or maybe it was just adrenaline that made it seem like the world snapped into sudden, perfect clarity. It felt like seconds passed between him ordering his hands to jerk the steering wheel to the left, and his body actually doing so.

Then everything sped back up. His car spun out of the way, its tires squealing angrily as Thomas slammed on the breaks and the car skidded to a stop. The other driver swerved out of the way before stopping as well. Thomas and a terrified teenage boy locked eyes and gave each other a fair approximation of the same shellshocked expression.

It was the boy who broke eye contact first, he fumbled for his phone and began to frantically talk to someone on the other end of the line. Probably his parents. Thomas turned away and had to force himself not to hyperventilate. He carefully pressed on the accelerator and inched the car toward the curb. The second Thomas was no longer obstructing traffic, he tugged his keys out of the ignition and laid his head on the steering wheel.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that. But eventually a small voice in the back of his mind told him that he needed to get home. When he looked up, the teenager and the truck was long gone. Thomas started the car again, and began to drive home. Traffic was heavier, the lunch rush had fully started at this point, between that and Thomas’s increased caution, it took him almost thirty minutes to complete the fifteen-minute drive back to his house.

He pulled into his driveway and pulled his hands off the steering wheel, flexing them a few times to get rid of the stiffness from his death grip on the wheel. He pushed open the car door and stepped out into the sunlight. His head spun slightly as he stood and he had to lean on the car for balance.

After catching his breath he wandered up the driveway and into his house. He kicked off his shoes and slunk down the hallway. He entered the living room, flopped down onto the couch and groaned, he pushed a heap of dirty laundry onto the floor and pulled a stay blanket over his head.

“Thomas.” A voice said,

Instantly he began scrambling to free himself from the blanket and grab the nearest available weapon (the TV remote).

The man from the hospital was standing in the mouth of the entrance hallway, near the stairway. He held up his hands in a pacifying gesture as Thomas prepared to throw the remote. He lowered his weapon slightly, more in surprise than out of some kind of trust.

He looked exactly the same as he had an hour or so ago. Black shirt, blue tie, thick black rimed glasses. Maybe it was because he wasn’t groggy from sedatives, but Thomas realized exactly why the man had seemed so familiar.

“You have my face.” Thomas whispered,

The man furrowed his brow slightly and pursed his lips in confusion. “Y-e-es, I do.”

“Why do you have my face?” Thomas tried, was he hallucinating? Hadn’t hallucinations been listed as a symptom?

Understanding flickered across the stranger’s expression. “Oh. I think there has been a misunderstanding. My apologies.”

“Okay?” Thomas said, standing up properly, but not releasing his grip on the remote, or looking away from the man.

“Hello, I am your veil manifestation.” He said, holding his hand out for a handshake.

Thomas stared at him, and he lowered his arm awkwardly.

Thomas blinked. Nope. Definitely not. “You're human.”

“Yes.” The man said, adjusting his glasses with a slight smug smile. “Your memory says that the more human-like a manifestation is, the more power it is likely to have, so I chose to present myself in this form.”

When Thomas didn’t respond, he cleared his throat slightly and continued “First impressions are important afterall.”

Thomas kept just staring at the man- or manifestation? He could be lying and was trying to take advantage of him, somehow, or was a hallucination, or- or… something.

The… guy… frowned and crossed his arms. “You don’t believe me.”

“Uh.” Thomas said, lowering the remote. “No…?”

He looked thoughtful for a moment. “I didn’t expect this.”

Thomas suddenly felt slightly guilty.

The guy seemed to come to a conclusion. “I believe that I can prove my identity,”

“Okay.” Thomas said, and when the man didn’t do anything, he added “...Go ahead.”

“Please do not be alarmed.” He said,

He blurred, then vanished from existence with a soft pop that wasn’t quite a sound. Thomas flinched and stepped backward, tripping on the couch.

A small tuxedo cat jumped onto the coffee table.It had a pair of glasses that were clipped onto the bridge of its little nose, and instead of a normal collar it had a miniature shirt collar with a blue tie hanging from it. No way.

“You were alarmed.” He said, “Perhaps I should have given you a better warning.”

The cat’s mouth didn’t open, and Thomas wasn’t sure how he was speaking, but he was, undoubtedly speaking.

“You’re a cat now.” Thomas said, feeling a little stupid afterward. Yes, he was clearly a cat now.

He tilted his head, “Yes. You like cats, but are highly allergic. Due to me not actually being a cat, I will not trigger a reaction. I assumed that you would find this form more suitable.”

Thomas blinked, actually, yes, this was a bit better than talking to a clone of himself who looked like he worked at the Business Store… somehow.

“You kept the tie and glasses.” Thomas said, then winced internally, wow he was on a roll today.

The cat sat up a bit straighter. “Yes, neck ties represent seriousness, and glasses signify intelligence. They are visual cues that express that the wearer is responsible and able to be relied upon.”

Was he… quoting from somewhere? It didn’t matter. “Alright.” Thomas said, “You are my manifestation. Nice to meet you.”

He felt awkward. Manifestations were usually no smarter than animals, if they had any intelligence at all.

“It is my pleasure, Thomas.” The cat said. His tail swished. “Now, we should get down to business.”

“Ah… alright?” Thomas said, what business?

“I have a strong suspicion that your piercing was done unsafely, and your veil’s structural integrity is in jeopardy due to the experimental inhibitor.” The cat said,

“Uh. cat… mister cat?” Thomas tried

“Please do not call me that.” the cat said, his tail twitching in annoyance.

“Noted. Uh, well, I feel tired, and kind of stressed right now, but I don’t have any symptoms of veil damage, and besides, Dr. Pocket said that I received the placebo.”

He looked exasperated. “I don’t think that you did, Thomas.” 

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
candyhearts
Review

Hai :3

This is such a fun chapter!! I love how it starts with something very mundane and stressful, like getting out of a confusing hospital parking structure, and slowly lets the wrongness creep in until Thomas almost crashes. The pacing there is really effective because his body notices something is wrong before he fully does... That detail makes the danger feel internal and external at the same time, which is super exciting in the best way!!

He didn’t feel like sleeping. He felt tired.


That distinction is SO good!! It captures that uncanny physical exhaustion where the mind is awake but the body is betraying you. It also makes the later reveal about the placebo feel suspicious before the manifestation even says anything. The near-crash works well as proof that something is deeply wrong, not just the idea that he’s sleepy after the hospital.

The manifestation is adorable and unsettling at the same time, too!! Having it first appear with Thomas’s face is such a creepy image, but then turning into a tuxedo cat with glasses and a tie is immediately charming ~~ I love the personality too: very formal, literal, and just a little smug. The explanation that ties “represent seriousness” and glasses “signify intelligence” made me laugh because it feels like a creature trying to understand humanity through symbolism and getting it mostly right, but in the weirdest possible way.

^^^ Small note: Some of your sentence punctuation could be cleaned up, especially around action and dialogue tags. There are a few places where commas are doing the work of periods, which can make the rhythm feel slightly breathless in a way that may not always be intentional. But structurally, the chapter is really strong: hospital aftermath, near accident, home invasion panic, then the reveal that his veil situation is probably much worse than he was told

Thomas kept just staring at the man- or manifestation? He could be lying and was trying to take advantage of him, somehow, or was a hallucination, or- or… something.

The… guy… frowned and crossed his arms. “You don’t believe me.”

“Uh.” Thomas said, lowering the remote. “No…?”


Thomas’s reactions are really believable!! He doesn’t jump straight into accepting the magical explanation; rather, he grabs a TV remote as a weapon, questions the face thing, and only slowly adjusts once the cat form appears. That makes the scene feel grounded even with all the fantasy elements happening around him. I'm not familiar with who he is, but I'm sure you've characterized him well!!
.
I don’t think that you did, Thomas


:eyes: Great ending!!

This is such a simple cliffhanger, but it works because the whole chapter has already shown us that the official explanation is probably false ~~ This is a really engaging follow-up chapter!! It has anxiety, humor, magical world building, and a tiny professional cat-man manifestation... There's a lot of really silly/whimsical ideas floating around!! I'll have to check out the next chapter sometime.

Happy Review Day!! Good work!!

- Payton

User avatar
Tikaya
Review
Tikaya wrote a review · Sun Mar 15, 2026 7:59 pm

Ah yes, the dice finally landed on this one. I didn’t quite like the centaur story as much but I was rly looking forward to this chapter 2 :3

I appreciate the summary!

Oha what type of hospital is this to have this many stories of car parking! It truly is America, huh? =D

Oh you validate the parking… from the car? You don’t have a machine you have to pay and then you get a little card which you give to another machine when you want to actually leave by car?

Oha, I actually snapped to attention when you wrote: “That was wrong” because I remembered the doctor telling him specifically that he should call a cab and he didn’t and now I’m wondering if this is these side-effects they were talking abt. I am also wondering if he actually got the placebo or not…

Wait was the teen driving a black truck? Are normal ppl driving trucks? Is the kid calling his parents for moral support or to hear from them if the police are necessary bc some guy nearly drove him off the road? (Yes I had all these questions in that order xd)

Also I think you described really well how the near-accident happened. From the way Thomas’ attention drifted of to the way he slowly but also quickly reacted, to this weird delay between command from the brain and execution by his hands. Very well done!

I feel like this paragraph here: “After catching his breath he wandered up“ has too many sentences starting with “He did action” It felt repetitive but not in an emphasizing way.

Oh the betrayal XD

“Thomas.” A voice said,
What is this sentence? Do I need to break out a lecture on dialogue formatting? =D

*reads on* Ok, yes a lesson in dialogue formatting is necessary.
Here is how this should look like:
“You have my face,” Thomas whispered.

Notice how I switched comma and period? That is because “Thomas whispered” is not exactly a full sentence. The dialogue is part of it. He whispers the dialogue. Ergo, these two things belong together and are connected via the comma. Incidentally because they are the same sentence, you would write “a voice said” in the earlier example, with no capitalization. I am very sensitive about dialogue formatting and I will keep mentioning it whenever I notice it xd
You can check this article for more info Punctuation within Dialogue But I also have an off-site resource which I used to learn English grammar and punctuation if you want me to share.
Ok I just went back and checked and I already mentioned the dialogue formatting in the previous chapter. Please please please check out the resources qq

…oh my, the plot is so interesting but I can’t stop looking at the wrong dialogue punctuation. Help.
I mean, VEIL MANIFESTATION talking! That is so cool! But then there is no comma connecting the dialogue and the cool moment is lost because I keep wondering how I could make learning proper dialogue formatting more enticing to you…

…why? “Thomas suddenly felt slightly guilty.“

Ah I knew it! No placebo for Thomas! I also find his manifestation very cute. I just wish there was an explanation on why he showed up in the first place?

Image
Join the fight! Write more reviews!

Hi. Thanks for the review! I'm planning on writing Chapter 3 of this as soon as I finish the next chapter of my main story. As far as the dialog goes... Uh. Yeah my bad. I'll work on that.

As for your questions...

1. I was basing the mental image of the hospital parking lot off of this one I went to recently. Usually it is a large lot with several specialized hospital buildings on it for different things. So the parking lot has to be big. I probably could've gotten through that section with a bit less description, so it was over exadureated, but I was trying to build a bit of calm before the suspense of the near-accident, and there is not much to write about while driving.

2. Yes there is a machine, but i've always seen it where you pay the machine from the car, like, its this thing with an arm and you roll down the window and give it your credit card and then it pays you. I don't actually drive. So, I've never validated parking. May have mixed some steps up? not sure actually. Ill have to look into that...

3. Yeah. The teen is driving the truck. Do normal people *not* drive trucks? They are a bit expensive and big, four seaters and minivans are more popular but trucks are not uncommon at all, at least where I live. He's calling his parents because 'oh shoot i almost just died/crashed my dad's car' no he didn't call the police, or anything, he was mostly freaking out.

4. uh, yes. I need to use less repetitive sentence structures, its on the to-do list. *tired sigh* I'll get right on that.

but also validation, usually there is a person, too. Like, making sure no one attacks the machines? I dont know how this works tbh.

Ah are the centaurs the main story then? =)

I don't necessarily need answers to the question. It's just some things I was musing while reading ^^

Regarding the different validation methods, that's probably just cultural differences xd
I also always associate trucks f.e. with the huge things that Optimus Prime turns into. To carry cargo and stuff. We don't really have what you call trucks in Germany (at least they are not so common. I think a lot of them also are forbidden in Germany for safety reasons lol)

Thanks for the clarifications and happy writing :3

<3 The centaurs are not technically the main story, my main story is a dungeoncore I post on Royal Road, but the centaurs do get priority over Veil because I'm posting it on Quotev



cron
I’d heard he had started a fistfight in one of the seedier local taverns because someone had insisted on saying the word “utilize” instead of “use".
— Patrick Rothfuss, A Wise Man's Fear