Squeak Squeak the see-saw goes,
Which sides heavier nobody knows,
Squeak Squeak,
Dark, Anger, Hate, Depression,
Squeak Squeak,
Light, Joy, Love, Happiness,
Squeak Squeak the see-saw will go,
Which sides heavier everybody wants to know.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hi! I'm going to attempt to write a helpful review now.
This is a very artistic, intriguing poem. I love the way you used a seesaw to represent the delicate balance of emotions. A couple nitpicks, 'sides' should be 'side's' because it's a contraction. Also, I think you should place a comma between the two 'squeak's. But other than that it looks good. One more suggestion, I wonder how it might look if you separate the poem into three paragraphs, with the line between Dark and Light standing alone. I don't know if you'd want to do that, it's just a suggestion. YWS formatting is weird, so if you want paragraphs you have to hold Shift and press Enter.
Overall it was a great poem. I love the general message about the conflicting nature of emotions. Great job!
~DragonLily
Hm, this sounds more like the opening of a novel than just a poem on its own, though I will admit this poem is definitely intriguing.
The see-saw seems to represent the balance between the good and bad feelings, I noticed every word emotion word you used wre the exact oppositemofmrach other. Hence I believe the seesaw you mention here refers to the line between the these, heavier meani which way it will lean but yet there is no telling where it will go.
What I have read, that is what I interpreted and I liked the way you formatted the poem and also how you have lines corresponding each other. This poem is pretty much short so I don't have much to criticize, you seem to balance the show and tell pretty well here. The voice doesn't lie flat but is not too flowery either. The rhythm actually almost works like a nursery rhyme,
7-8-2-4 and then 2-4-7-8.
I also agree that sides should be side's but beside that, I have no nitpicks.
This is an interesting poem in general about the conflicting nature of feelings, nice work!
Kudos.
-S.s
Hey! XD
You've got something really clever going on here, and I know that, because I can't really understand it.
I have to work at it to derive meaning, which makes it artistic and good. So...
The see-saw is a metaphor for the balance/dis balance between feelings, I can tell that much. Then, 'Which sides heavier nobody knows,' you're unable to tell which kind of feelings you have are more dominant, which breeds some sort of confusion.
'Dark, Anger, Hate, Depression,/Light, Joy, Love, Happiness,' then this is the exploration of the two different sides of the feelings and what they contribute to. How you would swing between both of them depending on your mood.
'Which sides heavier everybody wants to know.' - this should be 'side's' because it's which side is... and this is the bit I don't really get.
If this was a poem about bipolar specifically, I understand it perfectly, because you flip between moods without much control or understanding, but for general purposes, I find this a bit confusing.
Like I said, this makes it a work of calibre because it's unattainable to understand. Lulz.
Good job.
~BSF