The Beasts

by Hiccup

  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

Published August 27, 2011

Spoiler! :
The 'beasts' are wolves, (as I roughly put them together as), otherwise those little thoughts in your head that put you down. Sometimes, these beasts appear as a person, saying things to you that really hurt you inside, and after a while you begin to accept them, and believe them. You let them hurt you and play with your emotions. They steal your warmth and happiness, and you let them.


They push and pull,
gentle snorts growing firce,
lips peeling back into snarls
their muzzles bending down,
smearing blood against your skin.
You lay in silence
letting them mangle your body,
frozen air drifting from your lips,
eyes as calm as the sea.
A snowflake lands on your nose,
melting with the warmth
as the beasts tear at you.

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
DevanEWilliams
Review
DevanEWilliams wrote a review Review · Aug 27, 2011

Hey there!
You have a wonderful poem that can be interpreted in many different ways. Your images are great, and you can really get a good sense of what the person is feeling.
Since this can have multiple meanings--the literal, as you mentioned, and figurative, in your mind that destroy you from the inside--I think that it makes the poem that much better.
A couple little nitpicks I have here:

gentle snorts growing firce,

There are two things that I noticed with this line. First, it should be "fierce." ;) And second, I'm not sure if "gentle" is the right word here. I know that it's modifying the word "snorts," but it still makes it seem that they are trying not to hurt the person, which is obviously not the case. You could go with something else, or not change it at all, but that's just my opinion.
Looking at this poem, I think that you might be able to expand it and make it into more of a narrative, but it's great on its own.
Other than that, this is a beautiful poem. Awesome job!
~Devan

User avatar
Hiccup
Comment
Hiccup commented Comment · Aug 27, 2011

Thank you, both. :)

CrazyMonkey, no, I meant what I meant. It's saying the victim is not afraid, and she is not fighting back, simply letting them destory her slowly. Sorry if that seems a bit confusing.

User avatar
CrazyMonkey
Comment
CrazyMonkey commented Comment · Aug 27, 2011

hey!
This is a great poem and shows how fierce the beasts are and how scared you must feel but the line that says 'eyes as calm as the sea' i don't think is a very good description as the sea isn't very calm. (or is that the whole point?)

User avatar
CrazyMonkey
Comment
CrazyMonkey commented Comment · Aug 27, 2011

hey!
this is a great poem and shows how fierce the beasts are and how scared you must feel but the line that says ;eyes as calm as the sea' i don't think is a very good description as the sea isn't very calm, (or is that the whole point?)

User avatar
Demoness
Review
Demoness wrote a review Review · Aug 27, 2011

Hi Hiccup! I'm Demon, and I thought I'd give you a review!

I'll begin with saying; this is a great poem!

Your way with words is great and the imagery in this piece is really good! I like how you don't make it clear what animals or creatures the "beasts" are but still, with great descriptions and imagery paint a pretty good picture that hints what they are. My only nitpick is the lack of periods, seeing as how you do use punctuation with commas I think you should add some periods as well and don't force the reader to read it all in one breath ^^

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness



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