My philosophies changed when I turned 16, I’ve opened myself up to a world full of possibilities and try my best to see everything in its best light. In today’s world, it’s hard to find anything good in something so horrifying. You cannot find beauty in blood that is on the streets.
You cannot find serenity in a room full of people screaming. It is almost impossible to find light in the darkness of tragedy, but it is what happens after that is extraordinary. Strangers hug and cry into each other's shoulders like they’ve been friends for 15 years. Candles are lit to extinguish the darkness that covers the crime scenes. Flowers are left on the streets, because lifeless flowers are much easier on the eye than lifeless bodies. Songs of sadness are carried from block to block, representing the cries of innocence that have been snatched away by heartless souls with cold hands and warm guns.
So…with that, my philosophy is this: Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it isn’t the end.
This gave me chills. The imagery you have created is astonishing ; I could picture everything that you said.
It is too bad that it was this short, as it was amazing to read. As a stranger and fussy reader you have brought a smile to my face with all the great devices used.
High hopes for you!
stay safe x
Rubes
This gave me chills. The imagery you have created is astonishing ; I could picture everything that you said.
It is too bad that it was this short, as it was amazing to read. As a stranger and fussy reader you have brought a smile to my face with all the great devices used.
High hopes for you!
stay safe x
Rubes
I do not know how to edit such a work as this one, a philosophy. But I will still try to do what I can to make this work even better. I hope this review helps you and you do not need to agree with me about anything at all. All it is below will be my opinion only.
You have one or two spots where the sentence are rather not understandable because of the way you have ordered the words in it but this is a thing we can correct very easily, it was just more difficult to understand what you mean and I needed to read it several times.
As I understood it, you are talking about the changes in your life that had come to you when you turned 16. It happens in every each person's life when we understand what is around us or just realize what we are in this world, or what we want to be. I really enjoyed your work because it is something very different from what I usually see and read, also review. A new thinking and fresh mind. Shortly you tell the reader your story and how your life had changed in some ways, starting to see the things in different light. Your examples in the second para like serenity in a room full of people screaming, they make this work even more appealing, at least for me. You tell us about things that we think of as something impossible to happen, and still proving us that this is not the point. In general, good job for main messege. It is very good and it makes me think that people should be more positive.
My philosophies changed when I turned 16 sixteen, I’ve opened myself up to a world full of possibilities and tried my best to see everything in its best light.
Have a great day!
On content:
It's hard to critique a philosophy.
So I won't.
Perhaps, instead, I will just ask if the way humans pull together makes what happened before feel okay.
I have a personal experience that I thought of in relation to this.
The twenty-second of July has been forever engraved into the cultural consciousness of my country. It was a day of blood on the streets, and notable in that Norway is not a terrorist hotspot. But the memory that has been shaped is not one entirely of tragedy, as the aftermath of that tragedy is one of the more beautiful examples of the human spirit.
The words that you used to describe the aftermath of the 'blood on the streets' feels like my real experience mourning in solidarity.
So... thank you for that, I suppose. For getting it right.
On the writing:
This feels like an essay with a strong poetic bend.
The middle paragraph has lovely imagery. My favorite line is 'lifeless flowers are easier on the eye than lifeless bodies.' There's something wonderfully melancholy (and almost *cynical*, but the cynicism of one who's participating all the same) about the equation of the two.
Some of the punctuation here could be easily changed for dramatic effect. Specifically, I'm looking at the opening statement and the first sentence in the last paragraph. End that first 'My... 16.' sentence with a period and it'll come off as stronger. In turn, the 'So... with that' feels weak, like a chat partner who suddenly feels awkward about what they're saying.
Have confidence in your work!
And keep going.
Hola! 5kKitty here to review!
Let's start off with some grammatical issues that need to be corrected!
1. 'My philosophies changed when I turned 16,'
(Two problemos: Firstly, I would end this with a period instead of a comma, due to the fact that if you did this it would move into the next sentence a little more smoothly. Second, in writing, you should usually write numbers out as words just to make your piece look better. It also makes you look less experienced that I'm guessing you really are when you write the numbers in number form. I pretty sure that you are a pretty good writer, knowing this from what I've read from you so far.)
2. '...like they've been friends for 15 years.'
(One: I would change 'like' to 'as though'. In my opinion, it sounds better that way.)
(Two: Again, change the number into word form so that it looks like this, 'fifteen'.)
3. I disagree with Gymnast2801 on what they said about 'its'. You were actually correct to not put an apostrophe there since that would create the idea that you were saying 'it is' or 'it was', which, from what you wrote, does not seem like your intention. Good job on keeping 'its' in it its possessive form!
Overall: This was a very good work, containing a whole lot of truth about our world throughout! Fantabulous job and I hope to read more from you! Keep writing!
-5kKitty
Hi HeyImLikeHannah, it's Gymnast2801 here with a review for Team Jawbreaker!
Oh, wow. I think this is beautiful. It states the growing issues of our world and I love how you just let your thoughts out onto paper (well, you where trying buy ya know what I mean) so amazingly well. I see that you are now 17 so I'm wondering, do you have a new or another philosophy to replace or go with this one?
I really, really like your philosophy. I do see a few flaws in it, but I won't go over those as they are complicated.
My only cortque is that '...to see everything in its best light.' It should be '...to see everything in it's best light."
Overall, very nice job and please keep on writing!
-Gymnast2801 for Team Jawbreaker.
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