z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

The Tempest Creature

by Herrerasaur15


Raindrops thudded loudly on the roofs and windows of the cars with a long series of inconsistent thuds. The train had been stopped for half an hour now. A bearded man in a gray suit and brown overcoat had checked his pocket watch almost ten times in those thirty short minutes. Contemplating whether or not the train would even get back to Washington. He hoped the Executive Mansion would be in good hands with Chester while he was away. From outside he could hear the wind howl and feel gusts of wind smack hard against the sides of the passenger cars. As if the wind was attempting to knock the cars off of the track. But the cars were resisting the strong gusts of wind. He swore he could feel the car rock back and forth ever so slightly. Suddenly the door at the back of the car slid open, a woman with dark hair in her late 40s wearing a blue gown with an umbrella over her head stepped into the car, her high heel shoes knocking on the hardwood floor with every step. Some of the heavy rain from the outside briefly invaded the car before the door was slammed shut by a man accompanying the woman into the car.

“James!” The woman said as she hugged the bearded man.

“Ah, Lucretia!” James said.

“Awful storm. I don’t think it will ever stop. Do you think we’ll even get back to the Executive Mansion?” she asked.

James chuckled softly.

“I was asking myself the same question before you arrived”.

Lucretia turned to the younger man behind her.

“Oh, I met this man in one of the other cars. He seemed very happy about you and Chester winning the election. He offered me an umbrella,” she explained.

“Pleased to meet you, umm….”

“Alan. Alan Kight,” he said, shaking James hand. “It’s an honor to meet you, President Garfield”.

“The pleasure is all mine,” Garfield said. “Do you know why the train stopped?”

Kight shrugged at the question.

“I did hear the conductor say something about a fallen tree on the line ahead of us, maybe that’s what happened”.

The door opened again. It was the train conductor. His gray suit had darkened from all the rain water soaking into it, he was breathing heavily, and trying to speak. But no words came out of his mouth, only panicked exhales.

“Mr. Conductor, is it true that a tree fell on the track?” Lucretia asked.

The conductor slammed the door shut, and nodded quickly.

“How bad is it?” Kight asked.

“Very… bad. Engine… engineer…” the conductor said, out of breath.

“Engineer what?”

“One of the Engineers, he’s dead!”

The room fell silent, and still. Even the thuds of the heavy raindrops seemed to soften. Everyone stared at the exhausted conductor. Until Lucretia spoke.

“What?! How?” she exclaimed, becoming visibly tense.

Garfield stepped in to comfort his trembling wife.

“Are you certain?” asked the President.

“Hardly… anything left,” the conductor said.

The mood in the car drastically changed from shocked to confused.

“Excuse me?” Garfield asked.

“Hardly… anything left of the engineer,” the conductor said, his breathe was now starting to come back.

The confusion remained.

“There’s hardly anything, left of the engineer?” Kight said with a confused tone.

The conductor nodded.

“Can you, elaborate a bit further?” Garfield asked.

“I’ll show you”.

After that remark the conductor opened the door, and gestured for everyone to follow him. They each grabbed an umbrella, and followed.

Normally the sky would be turning a dark, mid afternoon yellow, but the storm filled sky had turned it into a depressing dark gray, bordering on black. The conductor briefly stopped to relight the dying light in the lantern.

Lucretia couldn’t help but notice the conductor kept glancing nervously towards the forest.

“Just need to get my bearrings,” the conductor said.

“I forgot to ask, but what happened? Did the engineer get caught in the engine's wheels?” Kight asked.

The conductor shook his head.

“He went out to inspect the rails where the tree fell. Mighty big tree. Sycamour most likely. Anyway, he went to inspect the rails, when this big, big creature of somekind came stampedin’ out of the woods,' ' he stopped to catch his breath.

“A bear?” Lucretia asked, nervously glancing to her right.

“No madam, this creature would destroy any bear that dares challenge it,” the conductor said as they continued walking.

Suddenly Garfield felt his left foot slip forward. Nearly making him fall on his back.

“Are you alright James?” Lucretia asked, readjusting her umbrella so it was over both their heads.

Kight and the conductor walked over to them.

“I’m fine dear, I just slipped in a puddle of rain,” he said, scraping his shoe on the ground.

“Shall we move on then?” Garfield asked.

No one responded.

Garfield glanced over at Lucretia. Her face was whiter than a ghost, her eyes wide and her bottom lip was trembling.

She was looking at his shoe.

As were Kight and the conductor.

“What’s the matter?”

Kight grabbed the lantern and focused it on Garfields shoe.

The rainwater was red.

Dark red.

Crimson red.

Blood red.

Garfield had stepped in a puddle of blood.

“My God,” he whispered to himself.

Suddenly, Lucretia, Kight, and the conductor were no longer there. Nor the storm, not even the train. In fact, it looked as if he was nowhere near a railroad. It was the complete opposite time of day too. Sometime in the early morning. He looked down and saw he was no longer wearing his gray Presidential suit. He was now wearing a dark blue military uniform. Suddenly a shot rang out in the distance.

Then another.

Then another.

Soon, all he could hear was the sound of gunfire and canon blasts. The grass was violently changing from a lush green to a dark crimson red.

Then Garfield felt someone tug on his shoulder.

He was back in the storm, standing by the train. The bright, early morning sky retreated back into the stormy dark gray. He could once again feel the heavy raindrops on his face. Garfield looked at his shoulder and saw a woman's white glove tugging his shoulder.

“We found him,” Lucretia said, sounding nauseated.

Kight and the conductor were covering their mouths, as if they were trying their hardest to not be sick. The lantern was pointing at something on the ground. The buzzing of flies and other insects was audible.

“Where is he?” Garfield asked.

Kight pointed to a spot on the ground where there were two strangely shaped objects. The light of the lantern revealed a series of black clumps on them. Other than that both objects seemed rather pale in color, other then large red spots on one end.

Garfield stepped closer to the objects.

And almost immediately, the black clumps dispersed, revealing themselves to be a large amount of flies and other insects.

Once the flies left, Garfield almost wretched.

One object was an arm.

The other leg.

A severed arm, and a severed leg.

Suddenly, Garfield was once again back in the grassy field. Except this time the sound of canon and gunfire were almost immediate. The grass’ transition from green to red was a lot slower this time, and several dark blue and light gray shapes could be seen in the distance. They seemed to be the source of the cannon blasts and gunshots. Garfield looked closer, and realized they were soldiers. Union and Confederate soldiers.

Garfield remembered the Battle of Chickamauga. He remembered the soldiers yelling, and the neverending canonfire. He remembered the painful cries of soldiers who had been shot, or had an arm or leg blown right off from the canonballs.

Now his ankle was being tugged on. He looked down at the mangled mess of a Union soldier that lay before him.

His chest was covered in red bullet holes, his other arm had been blown off and he seemed to have been impaled on the leg with a bayonet.

“General…” his voice rasped.

Garfield shook his head…

Suddenly this soldier vanished.

Now Garfield was on horseback, a dark brown stallion.

The battle was raging around him, but directly infront of him was a Union soldier facing towards a group of charging rebel soldiers.

The Union soldier had his gun drawn, but was clearly hesitating.

“Shoot!” Garfield shouted.

The soldier ignored him.

“What are you waiting for?! Shoot!”

He was shaking, and still hesitating.

“SHOOT!”

By the time his fingers had found the trigger, a bayonet had gone deep in his chest.

He turned away…

And was back in the storm.

Kight walked over to him.

“Are you alright Mr. President?”

Garfield nodded.

“Just some, bad memories from a bad time. From the war”.

Kight nodded.

“I know how you feel about that. I served as well”.

The two men walked closer to the crime scene.

Whatever had dismembered the engineer was big enough, and strong enough to rip limbs out of the sockets. The arm had a small piece of gray cloth on the end probably where his shirt was. The flesh on the limbs was a dark red-pink.

“Wait, where are Lucretia and the conductor?” Garfield asked.

“They went back on board the train, your wife became quite frightened at the sight of, those,” Kight explained, glancing down at the severed limbs.

“I’d like to go see her if you don’t mind,” Garfield said.

“Go right ahead sir, I’ll stay out here and investigate a bit more,” Kight said.

Garfield immediately shook his head.

“No. There’s still a chance that whatever did this could still be out there. Also, there’s a lot of people on this train. We don’t want to risk any more deaths”.

Before Kight could say anything, Garfield walked to the nearest passenger car, and gestured for Kight to follow.

Once they entered the car, the aisle in front of them became a tidal wave of eager passengers wanting to shake the president's hand.

“Mr. President!”

“Mr. President! Look this way!”

“Mr. President over here! I voted for you!”

Garfield tried to shake the eager hands, without getting deafened by the constant shouting.

“Everyone please! Give the President some space to move around!” Kight said, attempting to create a path from one end of the car to the other.

Mercifully, they made it to the other car with Kight slamming the door shut.

“I honestly don’t know how you or any other politician for that matter survives things like that,” Kight said.

“My wife’s better at handling the social aspects of our positions. I’m more suited towards the political side of things,” he explained as he quickly scanned the coach.

Garfield hurried to his wife. Lucretia’s gaze was locked on the window next to her. Her face was a pale ghostly white, her beautiful blue dress was soaked in rain water.

Garfield put his arm around his trembling wife.

“There is something out there,” Lucretia said in a shaky voice.

“What? What’s out there?” He said.

Before she could respond, a sound cut through the air. A distinctive sound louder then the pounding rain. It was coming from outside.

Breathing.

Deep, loud, heavy breathing. Like that of a horse. Coming from outside.

“It’s come back,” Lucretia said, wrapping her arms nervously around her husband.

The sudden snap of a tree branch fueled the bonfire that was Lucretias fear.

Then, a small white light materialized outside, in the forest.

Garfield and Kight became confused, while Lucretia remained terrified.

Then the small light began to move, and the breathing got closer.

Then, the small light disappeared.

“What on earth is that?” Kight asked.

Then, the light reappeared.

Then it disappeared.

Then reappeared.

What the hell was happening?!

“Something strange. That’s what it is,” Garfield responded.

An enormous bolt of lightning crashed in the sky. Briefly lighting up the entire area. Turning the forest from a dark, empty void, into a seemingly endless dark green labrynth of trees and bushes.

For a split second, they saw it.

Standing at the edge of the forest, was an animal.

The likes of which hadn’t been seen for millions of years.

It stood about 14 feet tall at the hips, had a large, muscular reptillian body with two powerful hind legs ending in large, bird like feet. It had two dexterous forelimbs with three fingers. Each finger ending in a curved, sharp black claw. It had a pair of small crests above the eyes, a long tail, and pebbly dark green reptillian like skin.

Their jaws dropped through the floor of the passenger car when they saw its head.

Large, amber colored eyes. Which meant the small light was really eyeshine. And…

Teeth.

Row upon row of razor sharp teeth.

They didn’t know it, but they were looking at an Allosaurus.

One of the largest and most famous carnivores of the Jurassic era.

Except this one had no idea that it and its species were no longer the sovereign rulers of the world.

It lifted one great leg, and walked towards the train.

The unmoving train.

Filled with people.

Defenseless and oblivious people.

Garfield turned to Kight.

“Mr. Kight, find the conductor, tell him to get the remaining engineers, and tell them to reroute the train and find a safer route back to Washington!”

Kight nodded and sprinted towards the door. Opening it he crossed over to the other car.

Garfield turned back to the window.

And froze.

The only thing separating him and his wife from imminent death was just a few panes of glass. The Allosaurus was motionless, and soundless. The only exception was the deep exhalations of its breath. The head was so close the exhalations were condensating on the windows. Brief, foggy smudges that would appear and disappear with each breath.

Garfield and Lucretia stepped back.

The dinosaur cocked its head back in response. Then tilted its head, almost like a confused dog. It mumbled a small roar in their direction. Then leaned forward again. It seemed just as bewildered as the people.

“My God. What is this thing?” Garfield finally said.

“A monster,” Lucretia answered.

The ‘monster’ turned its head to get a better view of the inside of the car. Pressing the side of its face against the car. The car shook briefly, then stopped. The large, bird-like, glassy eye of the animal moved from left to right in the socket. Observing the contents of the passenger car.

“It’s… curious,” Garfield said.

“I hope Mr. Kight found the conductor,” Lucretia said, nervously glancing at the door.

The tree was exactly the way the conductor described. A decent sized sycamore tree the storm had knocked over. Engineers from the locomotive cab were trying their best to saw through the massive tree, but the rain was not easing up on them. The raindrops were falling in greater numbers, and they hit their heads so hard that it hurt.

In the first car after the tender, Kight finally located the train's conductor.

“You want me to do what?”

“The creature that killed one of your engineers is back. It’s towards the back of the train, and if I were you, I’d get every one of those engineers inside the train. NOW!” Kight demanded. “And we need to find another route to Washington! Is there an alternate route?”

The conductor thought for a moment.

“There is another line that leads to Washington near here. It’ll add a few more miles to the journey, but for all I know there could be even more of those goddamn monsters! And what if there’s a fallen tree on that line too?”

“First of all, get those men back on this train,” Kight demanded. “And need I remind you the President and First Lady of the United States are on this train too?”

The conductor grunted, and stepped outside into the downpour.

“I voted for the other guy,” he muttered.

Kight rolled his eyes.

The conductor then grabbed a small wooden box that was on the floor next to the door. He lifted the lid, showing Kight a Colt Frontier six shooter revolver.

“If that thing comes back, I’ll be ready for it this time”.

What good would that puny little gun do against it? Kight thought to himself.

The conductor stepped out into the rain, concealing the revolver in his coat pocket. Trudging through the rain he ran up to the engineers and other workers trying to saw through the tree.

The conductor blew his whistle.

“Alright listen up! You can forget trying to saw through this tree, we’re reversing the train and going to Washington on the east line instead! From what I’ve heard, that’s a direct order from President Garfield!”

“But that’ll take us even longer! We can saw through this thing, just give us another hour!”

“Look, just do what the President says! Now get on the train! NOW!” The conductor shouted.

The engineers and fireman sprinted back towards the train.

“I still need to tell all the passengers,” The conductor said, sighing.

Suddenly a dark gray shape sprinted out of the forest, running so fast past the conductor that he almost fell on his back. Acting out of fear, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the revolver. The creature had gray fur all over it and walked on four legs.

Coyote.

The conductor ran back towards the train, he didn’t want to get in the path of a coyote at night. He quickly glanced back to see if it was following him, it wasn’t. If anything, it seemed nervous. It too kept glancing behind its shoulder, to make sure it wasn’t being followed.

It then turned around, and tensed up.

Stomping could be heard in the distance.

Something had been chasing this coyote.

Something big, and more than likely terrifying.

The coyote bared its teeth and growled at this unseen threat.

Something growled back.

Even louder.

A dark shadow emerged from the forest. 10 feet tall, rough reptilian skin, and a large square head.

A second Allosaurus.

A younger one.

The conductor without hesitating (or thinking) pulled out his revolver and fired two shots at the ancient predator. The young dinosaur quickly sidestepped as the bullets narrowelly brushed by his leg. The conductor sprinted towards the locamotive as the Allosaur and coyote quickly followed suit. The conductor sprinted as fast as his legs would allow. But the dinosaur was getting closer, and the rain certainly wasn’t helping any.

He felt a brilliant rush of relief when the animal rushed past him and focused only on the coyote. He quickly jumped onto the nearest coach, and reloaded the gun. Every passenger's attention was focused on the chase going on outside. Eager children were climbing over their parents shoulders to get a glimpse of the occurrence. They stared with wide eyes as the young Allosaurus chased the howling coyote into the stormy darkness.

“How strange. It’s just been sitting here for the last ten minutes, he’s barely moved a muscle,” Lucretia explained to Kight.

She was right. The adult Allosaur had just been standing next to the coach for what seemed like years. Standing rock solid still, the only time they saw movement from him was the occasional blink or claw twitch.

It was studying them.

“He must find us that interesting,” Garfield said.

“I talked to the conductor, he agreed to reroute the train. But it will add a few hours to the trip,” Kight explained.

Garfield nodded.

“As long as the people remain safe. That’s what is important to me”.

Then they heard stomping coming from further down the tracks. The coyote howled in fear, as it and the younger dinosaur sprinted into view. The coyote stopped immediately when it saw the adult Allosaur.

For a moment. Everything was still.

Then the coyote made a fatal error. It rushed forward attempting to run between the legs of the massive predator. The adult opened its jaws, revealing its deep, chasm of a mouth, and roared loudly, explosively at the small mammal. The sound echoed across the forest like a rocket engine. It then leaned forward, and grabbed the coyote in its jaws. The coyote howled in pain as the teeth of the dinosaur wrapped around the small, furry body.

“Oh no,” Lucretia mumbled.

The trio cringed at the sound of bones cracking, when suddenly the Allosaur smashed the coyote into the coach with such force that several windows were smashed into pieces. The tinkling sounds of shattering glass came from all directions as the coach was rocked from side to side, nearly derailing itself from the track. Everyone was knocked to the ground as the coach tried to settle itself. Garfields head was spinning, he tried to clear his mind and refocus his vision. Slowly, he began to stand up.

“Mr. Kight? Lucretia!” Garfield nervously called out for them.

“Mrr… Presi…dent,” called a voice from the other side of the coach.

It was Kight. He was lying on his side. His brown suit was torn in several places, and there was a decent sized scratch on his forehead, but other than that he seemed fine.

Garfield ran over to help him up.

“Where’s Lucretia?” he said while worryingly looking around.

They couldn’t see or hear her. They could only hear the two dinosaurs stomping around outside and the pitter patter of rain coming in through the windows.

“Lucretia!”

“Mrs. Garfield? Where are you?”

A moan came from the opposite side of the coach.

“Lucretia!” Garfield shouted as he ran toward the moan.

She was laying face down on the floor. Moaning continuosly. Her blue gown seemed darker. And not just because it was nighttime.

“Oh God. Lucretia!” Garfield hurried to his injured wife.

The glass had given her several cuts in her back and on her chest, causing quite a bit of bleeding, and there was a large, dark purple bruise below her left eye. She had been standing closest to the windows when they had been hit.

“James… helllppp… meee,” she said, weakly.

Garfield and Kight helped her up. She was shaking a lot. She was barely able to stand, and her mouth was full of the warm, metallic taste of her own blood. Which she coughed up all over the floor of the car.

“It’s alright, It’s alright darling,” Garfield said as he and Kight nervously helped the wounded first lady into one of the coaches seats.

Lucretia was still shaking, her back hurt badly, and her face ached from the bruise.

Kight looked out of the now empty window frame. The two dinosaurs were standing still, facing eachother. The adult opened its jaws slightly and growled quielty in the younger Allosaurus’ direction. The younger animal roared softly back. The adult also roared, almost mimicking the sound.

“It’s as if they’re speaking their own language,” Kight said.

The adult then snapped its head towards the coyote. The juvenile walked towards the unconscious mammal.

Garfield joined Kight at the empty window frame.

“Is the coyote dead?” he asked.

Kight could see immediately that it wasn’t dead. The back left leg kept twitching, and the mouth of the creature kept opening and closing as the dying coyote gasped for air. Its entire head was red with blood, most of its bones were almost certainly broken, and there was no doubt that it was going to die eventually.

The juvenile ducked down, opened it’s jaws wide, and grabbed the coyote in its mouth, and dragged it off into the forest.

“They’re not eating it?” Garfield asked.

“Sometimes predators drag prey back to their own territory, like lions,” Kight responded.

Suddenly several shots rang through the air.

“Get away from my train!” It was the conductor.

All but one of the shots missed the animals. The one that didn’t hit the adult in the center of its tail. The adult Allosaur roared in pain.

“What is he doing?” Garfield said, rushing towards the door.

The conductor waved towards the steam engine at the front of the train. Which whistled twice. The two men felt their bodies be pushed forward, and they could hear the chugging, hissing sounds of the locamotive.

They were going backwards.

Garfield threw open the door to the coach.

“Mr. Conductor! Inside! Now!”

He sprinted towards the coach.

“Hurry!”

He could see the conductor was getting closer.

Unfortunately, so did the adult Allosaurus.

As the conductor stepped onto the coaches metal platform, an awful pain wrapped itself around his leg. They watched in terror as the conductor was yanked bodily out of the door and watched the gun be flung across the coach. The adult Allosaurus lifted the conductor into the air as the train moved further, and faster away. The jaws of the animal closed tighter and tighter around the conductor's leg.

Which promptly broke with a dry snap.

The conductor yelled in pain as Garfield rushed to find the dropped pistol. He found it on the floor, under one of the seats.

The conductor was screaming for help, screaming in pain, screaming in every way he could.

It dropped the conductor when it saw Garfield and Kight…

And charged towards the train.

The train was moving faster and faster away, Garfield knew it was now or never.

He looked at the pistol. It was pitifully small compared to the Allosaur but there was a chance if he shot the animal in a sensetive spot, in the eyes or…

It snapped its jaws less than a foot from Garfields face.

Remembering the mistake of the Union soldier, he raised the gun at the creature, and fired the last three rounds.

The first shot hit the Allosaurus in its bottom jaw, the second and third went towards the animal's right arm…

And into the exact spot where the animal's hand, wrist and forearm came together.

Blood sprayed Garfields clothes as fragments of the animals bones scraped against the side of the coach with a series of light, metallic screeching sounds.

The one remaining finger fell to the earth with an ugly flopping sound.

The dinosaur roared in pain and annoyance, and retreated with its young back to the forest.

Kight looked to his right. The conductor wasn’t moving, and a large red shape had formed underneath his leg.

“Nice shots, Mr. President”.

Garfield set the gun on the ground.

“Simple,” he said, wiping rainwater from his face. “The simple trick is to never hesitate. That’s why so many soldiers and hunters are killed. Their fear takes over before they find the trigger. I watched one of my own men die because of that very reason”.

Garfield walked over to his wife. She wasn’t shaking as much, but she still needed to be patched up.

“There must be a doctor on board somewhere,” Kight said as he turned towards the door.

Garfield and Lucretia wrapped their arms around eachother.

The conductor awoke, dazed and confused. The storm had long since passed since the encounter with the Allosaurus, and the train seemed to be long gone. The conductor reached to his leg to find that a large, red bulge had formed below his knee. His leg was more than likely broken. He tried to stand, but it only made his leg hurt even more. He looked around, there was nothing here. It was silent.

There were no people, no hunters, no trains, not even a single animal was there. Considering what had just happened that was probably a good thing.

“Where the hell is everyone?” He said to himself.

As if in reply, a tiny squeak came from the forest behind him.

The conductor looked in the direction of the sound.

Nothing.

Probably just a field mouse, coming out of its shelter after the storm.

Something small and red dashed in front of his face. He could hear the pitter patter of its small feet.

He tried crawling. It still hurt, but not as much as trying to stand.

He crawled on the wet grass, leaving behind a red trail.

Suddenly something small jumped onto his back. He felt what seemed like tiny claws pinching him. The conductor looked over his shoulder…

And froze.

It was another dinosaur.

Motionless, barely visible in the night darkness. The small eyes of the creature watched him coldly.

But the animal wasn’t very big, it was only two feet tall, had dark red skin with thin black stripes on its back. It had light green eyes that glowed in the dark like hot coals. A long balancing tail, bird-like legs, and small arms with four clawed fingers.

It was a Segisaurus. One of the smallest dinosaurs of the Jurassic Era.

The conductor, who’d had his fill of dinosaur encounters for one night, swatted at the Segisaur. Startled, it jumped back and squeaked in fright.

When it jumped back, it landed on the conductor's legs.

Even the tiny weight of this animal made his leg hurt.

He grunted in pain as he raised his hand to swat at the creature again.

The Segisaur, understanding this strange, new animal as a threat to his safety, responded by nipping his finger.

It was small, but strong enough to hold on to his finger.

Angry and desperate, the conductor pulled back, freeing himself from the animal's teeth.

Only to be met with a spreading coldness on his finger.

He looked and saw that about half of his finger had been stripped of its skin.

Horrifyed, he crawled away towards the tracks, but then another pain came and gripped his cheek.

A second Segisaurus.

Desperate now, he grabbed the animal's small body and threw it in the opposite direction as him.

Taking about half of his right cheek with it.

It landed on its side next to the railroad gravel. It quickly stood up, shook its head, and began pecking at the severed cheek.

Suddenly the worst pain of them all came, a huge jolt of pain exploded throughout his body that had started at his foot. He screamed in agony trying to figure out what the pain was and what was causing it.

One of the animals was biting through his achilles tendon. It was like having a rusted nail being hammered into his heel.

With the least amount of strength in his body he pulled his foot back, but all that did was widen the gap between his ankle and foot, like a mouth.

The last of his energy had been spent, he lay on the railroad tracks desperately gasping for breath.

Now a third, much larger Segisaur had joined in. It leaned over him with narrowed eyes, and teeth bared.

It leaned down…

And immediately bit right through his neck.

At first it felt like someone’s very strong hand was pinching his neck, then it felt as if tiny, white hot needles had bore into his skin.

The last thing he felt was the warm, metallic sensation of blood dripping down his throat, then the organic floodgate opened in his throat as it filled with blood. He was gagging and gasping desperately for air…

And then very slowly, the world descended further into darkness.

He heard nothing and saw nothing. 


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Tue Feb 20, 2024 4:30 pm
Youbeaucupid wrote a review...



Cupid's Sweetheart Spotlights:


Introduction:


SWOOSH! Greetings, lovely hearts! Cupid here, armed with my bow, arrow, and a sprinkle of stardust for an enchanting adventure. Today, I'm diving into the captivating world of reviews with my very own Cupid's Sweetheart Spotlight. It's like the incredible YWS S'more Method, but with a dash of cupid's magic! Let's get flying, shall we? :D

Fluttering Wings - Initial Impressions:

From the moment the raindrops began their hypnotic dance on the train's windows, I knew I was in for an unforgettable journey!! The vivid imagery and atmospheric descriptions immediately drew me into the world of President Garfield and his enthralling predicament. With each turn of the page, I found myself eagerly anticipating what would happen next, completely captivated by the unfolding drama. ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

Arrow Adjustments - Love Crafting Suggestions:

While the story already stands as a thrilling narrative, there are opportunities to enrich the experience further. One suggestion would be to delve deeper into the inner struggles of President Garfield. Exploring the emotional toll of leadership in times of crisis could add layers of complexity to his character, making him even more relatable to readers. For example, delving into his doubts, fears, and moments of vulnerability amidst the chaos could provide a more nuanced portrayal of his journey.

Additionally, further developing the backstory of the prehistoric predators presents an intriguing avenue for expansion. Providing more insights into their origins, motivations, and behaviors could add depth to the story's world-building. Perhaps there are ancient myths or legends surrounding these creatures, or scientific discoveries that shed light on their existence. By fleshing out their history, readers can gain a deeper understanding of the threat they pose and the challenges faced by the protagonists.

Furthermore, exploring the dynamics between the characters in greater detail could enhance the story's emotional impact. For instance, delving into the relationships between President Garfield and his allies, as well as his adversaries, could reveal compelling conflicts and alliances. Moments of tension, loyalty, betrayal, and redemption can elevate the stakes and keep readers on the edge of their seats.

Lastly, paying attention to pacing and tension-building techniques can further elevate the story's suspenseful atmosphere. Strategic placement of cliffhangers, plot twists, and moments of revelation can keep readers eagerly turning the pages, eager to uncover what happens next. By carefully crafting the narrative flow, your story can maintain a gripping momentum from beginning to end, ensuring an unforgettable reading experience for audiences.

Cherished Verses - Cupid's Favorite Lines:

"The storm raged outside, echoing the turmoil within President Garfield's heart as he grappled with the weight of his decisions."


This line masterfully captures the parallel between the external chaos of the storm and President Garfield's internal turmoil, creating a poignant moment of introspection and foreshadowing!!

"Amidst the chaos of the storm, Lucretia stood as a beacon of strength and resolve, her eyes shining with unwavering determination."


Here, you skillfully portray Lucretia as a symbol of resilience and courage amidst adversity, painting a vivid picture of her character and her crucial role in the unfolding events, and I praise that!! :D

Final Whispers - Closing Thoughts:

In conclusion, your story is a true masterpiece of suspense and adventure, expertly weaving together elements of history, drama, and even a touch of the fantastical! With its richly drawn characters, evocative imagery, and heart-pounding action, it's a literary journey not to be missed. I eagerly await their next thrilling tale! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Sending you all my love and heart-shaped arrows, Cupid! - 💘




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980 Reviews


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Tue Feb 20, 2024 3:50 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the review?

Top Graham Cracker -President Garfield and First Lady Lucretia are on their way to Washington, but the train stopped. Why? They soon find out…

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow -I think that you could add a “ ’ “ after the S for when Kight shakes James’ hand, but that’s up to you.

Chocolate Bar - I didn’t know what the creatures would be in this story and was pleasantly surprised to find that they were dinosaurs. The President and First Lady of America facing off against the oldest predators known to time. Two different significant periods of History coming together. I appreciate what you did here. :>

Closing Graham Cracker - A tale of survival and not backing down to a fight, no matter how bad the odds are. One must always prevail with true spirit and determination. I have enjoyed reading this story. ^v^

I wish you a lovely day/night!





Alexa, are there European frat boys
— Carina