I've tried to stop caring.
About you.
About everything.
Caring has got me nowhere,
Caring has only brought about my own turmoil,
My own devastatingly self destructive death.
It brought sorrow that I could not bare,but politely nod my head in agreement
As her eyes fested on your flesh ready to kill her next pray.
Caring brought about the saviour in me,
The saviour of those around me but not myself,
The saviour of their feelings and defender of their uncaring ways.
But in a life of caring you have no defenders at your side,
Yet your mind tries to persuade you otherwise,whispering sweet nothings of how these people will be there for you, for how could they not?
you've been at their side,
A lap dog,
Always ready to battle.
Battle for them,
Battle for the right to their unwavering affection.
But as it continues to rustle in the breeze,
You stay.
You stay to make sure there is never a storm,
Never a hurricane that knocks away everything you've worked for.
And it's all so tragic as every time you try harder you realise,
They need not a storm to waver them slightly,
But a gentle breeze to be completely knocked off their feet.
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140,178 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
The emotion in the piece is conveyed excellently through your language. I can almost taste the bitter taste of the anger felt within the poem. The comparison to "A lap dog" is a stark and strong metaphor, truly encapturing the feeling of submission to a lover.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed the emotion and thought sealed within the imagery of this poem. Definitely deserves a like!
I not only love HOW this is written but also WHAT is written. I think this poem brings out the deepest emotion of the reader. I know I have had these similar thoughts but never liked addressing them. You did a great job with writing about something that isn't always a typical topic.
Well done!
Tigerlilly here to review!
This poem is super deep, and I absolutely love it! It is just amazing the way you describe just how easily humans can turn on one another. As for critiquing, you changed tense a couple times. In the beginning, you were using the word 'I', but as you went on, you began to write it in 2nd person. Another thing I noticed was that you didn't space after your commas most of the time, which can easily be fixed if you just read through it a bit. Other than that, its pretty good!
Great job! Keep writing, I look forward to reading more of your works!
A lot of powerful words and imagery in this piece, I was very impressed from beginning to end.I know another pointed out how you capitalized the words at the start of each line, I actually like that about this poem. It feels like this is something that should be read aloud and that at the start of each line, even when it is a continuation of another, there should be some force behind it. To get the attention of those whom you are reading to and have them really hear and take note of every word that is spoken.
Very well done. I look forward to reading more by you in the future.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it so thoroughly and yes whenever I do write its always in a way that is meant to be out loud but I am trying to work on a way of expressing accurately how I actually say the words so I need to work on that. But this is honestly the first poem I have written and I was nervous putting it up but all the feed back is phenomenal thank you so much.
This spoke to me! Keep up the good work. What comes from the heart is always best!
thank you, means a lot
Hi Hereitstarts,
Believe me or not I was caught like a fish on a hook by the first three lines alone, it made me think as I read this piece that there was extreme pain somewhere. I do like this though there are a few spelling errors and a few grammar errors as well.
I. At the beginning you don't have any kind of punctuation and so it makes reading it a bit tricky at first so commas, period, semicolons and such are really needed.
II. There are a few typos that you may have not caught example: "As here eyes fested on your flesh....." here should be her and fested should probably be feasted.
III. You capitalized each line when some are continuances of the line before.This is an easy fix with some punctuation.
Those are a few things I noted right off hand as I read so maybe a bit of spell check would help with most of these and going back and rereading as you type. Even I have to do it so no one is perfect. But I do hope to see more piece from you because i do like your style. So happy writing and good luck.
~Danceingtreeelf