Hate not hating you

Interesting poem showing how much people's words and thought differ. Like it very much! But try to work with punctuation, especially quotation marks, because somewhere it's hard to say who is saying what in your poem.

You need to work on showing us a whole lot more. Use imagery to convey your feelings about this person. Only then can we truly connect. HOW is this person to you? Like what? Is this person a needle in your stomach? Is this person a rainbow of emotions within you?

Alright, so I'm tired right now, but I'll do my best! This deserves a review.

You are telling us way too much. It was an easy read, but it was easy because...there wasn't much in it. The parentheses were really cheesy in my opinion. The only line I felt was really good was "I hate not hating you". You need to work on showing us a whole lot more. Use imagery to convey your feelings about this person. Only then can we truly connect. HOW is this person to you? Like what? Is this person a needle in your stomach? Is this person a rainbow of emotions within you?

Stuff like that. Give it a rewrite and see what you come up with! Keep on writing!

Hey there, HenPen. Here to lend a review for your poem here. I have to say I rather liked it, which for some reason only leads me to praise all that I found unique and fitting about the work usually. But I'll try and be constructive!

So I suppose the thing that stood out most here in the way you stylized this was the parenthesis beneath each stanza. It's almost like --well, entirely like-- you were muting the true desire that lay behind the preceding words. In a way I guess it was as if you were making apparent the confliction of how one expresses their feeling to the ones they love most. And I think that by creating this as your all around point, you made it completely relateable to your audience. As you said, you left out the terms "mom" or "dad" so that the reader could place the poem to someone relating to themselves naturally. I think you did a great job with creating this poem to depict this.

I think that if this could use any tweaking or fixing of any nature, I would have to say the only thing I might like to see done with this is some elaboration as far as feelings go. There was that presence of feeling, but it wasn't as strong or overwhelming of an emotion as it could have been, and I think that would've only made this poem that much more powerful sounding. But aside from that, I really do think what you have here now is quite nice. And I'm sure you think so as well, which makes it sort of hard to really want to do any tweaking at all. x)

Anyway though, overall I think you really did a wonderful job. Keep up the nice work.

-Smylin'

Im kind of confused if the first person is the parent..yet this poem show very strong emotions of a parent- child relationship many will agree

Is it just me or do the paranthesises come out as long whispers etching into my mind? Or am I just going crazy? My impression of it is that this poem describes a spat between the parent and the child, something all of us can relate too. It's something all of us have had at some point in our life (though in my case, it's always one sided - theirs).

Though I can't tell if the "I" or the "You" should be the parent because there are instances where they conflict. For example, the parent would never walk out on the child. For example:

“Tell me you love me.” I plead.
“I hate you.” ease out of the figure's mouth.
(I know that already.)

Often times it is the child that hates the parent, so I assume the talker is the parent.

The door is open you tell me time after time.
I go to leave, but I stop.
(Because I love you.)

But here, I would be the child because the parent owns the house, why would they leave it.