Published February 23, 2008
When I was born
I was torn
And thus taken away.
Alone in a kennel
Being gentle
Every single day.
Getting sick
Not even giving a lick
Not even going to obey.
Fading down
Not looking around
I had to pay.
Leaving this world
You would have hurled
Please neuter and spay.
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141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
How does this inspire people? It doesn't make any sense.
-Rick
my cat has already been spayed.
It's a very rare day that Brad (Incan) and I agree, but I am with him on this one. If you want to write a poem with this theme, forget about the message. Just get into the mind of the dog and write about the situation from his point of view. One thing I have learned is that, unless you're writing a Judy Blume type novel, messages and lessons will come out if it's well written, not by the author planning it.
E.G. Fiddler on the Roof was about Jews in Russia and daughters breaking tradition, not about how bad anti-semitism is.
Altogether, a rather amateur attempt at poetry, even for a first. I admire the message your trying to convey, though my own opinion is 'please just take care of your pets so they're not on the streets spawning more poor, unfortunate animals.' There's just not really a lot of emotion in this. It's flat, boring and unartistic. Props for standing up for what you believe in, just find another way. Use symbolism, rather than outright saying 'this dog is dying SPAY AND NEUTER.'
I agree with Incandescence. This is not poetry--this is a poor attempt at being socially-aware... or something. Those of you who say it's "good" have very, very low expectations.
HelpSOS,
It's hard to take a message seriously when it isn't even spelled correctly. It's "Neuter"--not "Nueter."
Political poetry almost always fails because the two things, politics and poetry, when combined, create a haze of too-general abstractions and emotional hearstrings for it to mean anything but to the people who already sympathize with the point being made. On the other hand, if you try to persuade another side, then you lose all poetic license and effectively undercut the status of the poem as such.
Anyway, most of it fails. This goes in the "most of it" category.
Best,
Brad
Okay, first of all, this IS a poem. Yes.
And that person is a jerk.
I liked it! It was really good, but sometimes your rhythm was off. But for a first poem, EXCELLENT!!!!!
~Nightfall
Welcome to YWS!
Now, for the basics, this IS a poem, but it does sound too preachy for it to be an artistic one.
Another basic idea which is badly done in this poem is grammer. (ugh, let's not get into details.)
Plus, the rhythm was boring! Make it exciting, make it move. Right now, it's "A LONE in a KEN nel / BEING GEN tle / EVery SINGle DAY"
More people would help you on this.
PM me if you don't understand my crit or if you ever need some help!
I posted this because. Um yeah it is a writing peice.
I don't care how you see it, it's just something I wrote.
- HelpSOS
p.s. Chain mail always has something like "respond to 5 people or you will be attacked by a dog." Which this isn't. And I'm not sure if you KNEW but this is MY FIRST POEM!!!!!!!
I don't think you ever got chain mail.
And I'm not mad at anyone.
I made this after a dog died at my local shelter from PORVO. If you don't know what that is it's a deadly diesese. Yeah, and innocent dog died cause it's parents weren't spayed and nuetered.
This sort of "message" poem belongs in a chain email or animal shelter advertisement, not here. It doesn't strike me as a serious piece in any way. So. Spay/neuter the pen that wrote this so it'll stop spawning Humane Society babble.
Also, polls are more for Lounge or Randomness posts.
(And yes, my kitty is spayed.)