Published October 14, 2007
Dreaming of who you will be
Dreaming of how perfect your family will be
Just like the one you have now
You are just a child
In your own world of joy
where everything is perfect
you dont know what mommy and daddy really are doing
you don't know how much money you have
you just know the words of which were spoken to you....
I love you
from mommy and daddy are the only words you need to have a perfect world.[pre]
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141,457 Literary Works • 674,477 Reviews
I'm not sure. It is good and the idea, but it is too short. There is alot of things you can say and there is alot of potential, but you're not using it.
I think with a little more work you can get a great poem!
I quite liked it. The innocence of a child. The bit about the money is very good. When I was little, I thought we were really rich andf had loads of money because my parents were always buying my toys and clothes andfood, and to me being poor was living on the streets or ina third world country with nothing to eat. Now I know much more about being 'poor'.
I think you should change the last line, or break it up. It was very long.
This poem is rather too simple and too obviouis.
I mean, this is addressed to a child but speaks in a mature way, I don't think you could make a child understand the meaning of this poem without confusing him.
Also, what need is for a child to know the harshness of the world? And you've only mention family matters and this makes the poem repetative.
The title too isn't very appealing.
Sorry foor the harsh critique.