Published March 10, 2007
Soaring sky high,
Blood-tipped wings flying away to
escape it all.
Before your poison arrows
struck me down,
Spiraling into my love
for you.
Now I'm drowning in your
endless sea of pain.
Lost among the shoals,
Living in torrents
of crashing emotion.
Finding refuge only
in the ebbing tide,
Never forgetting the
waves of grief,
soon to come again.
Can't do this anymore,
My love for you,
an iron weight
inside my chest.
So there's no room for my heart.
Someday,
I'll fly away
and leave you behind.
I won't let my crimson tears
blind me to the world
beyond this prison.
Someday,
I'll walk away.
My footprints in the sand
the only reminder
of my lost love
for you.
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141,411 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
Really nice poem you have here, Clouds!
I like your keen eye for description. Although there was maybe one or two misplaced puntuation (sp?) marks, this was great.
I can't write a poem to save my life, so I can't really help you out. Sorry! But, what I can say is that you're very good. Brava! lol
*~Aquarius Angel~*
The poem seems to contradict it self.
You talk about all this like it has already happened.
then here you talk like none of it has and yeah... It caught me up.
It was pretty but I think the idea was repeated too much for my liking. It made me think a little of mythology, the visualization and all of the angel and an ebbing ocean. It was pretty, not bad.
Soaring sky high,
Blood-tipped wings flying away to
escape it all.
Before your poison arrows
struck me down,
Spiraling into my love
for you.
Turn the period into a comma, perhaps? Should struck be strike?
Now i'm drowning in your
You're so grammatically scrupulous throughout the poem; why the lapse here? I think "i'm" should be "I'm." The apparent mistake detracts from the power of the words.
Now mind you, I am not a poet, and so am not well versed in the crafting of poetic form. Personally, I think this poem is very beautiful. It isn't exactly a happy poem, but there is hope, and the emotions it appeals to are well invoked. This poem is easy to read, and has an implicit sense of rhythm despite its employment of free verse, which gives it a vital sense of cohesion. I enjoyed it very much, and I look forward to reading more of your work. As anyone who knows me knows, I love descriptive quality in any genre, and you certainly have that, which I very much appreciate. Well done.