An Ode To Grandpa !!
What is Life ?
What is Death ?
What is Heaven ?
What is Hell ?
From Rills The Water Flows
Where Did My Grandpa Go ?
He Would Protect Me in Every Weather
His Arms were As Good As An Angel's Feather.
He Lived His Life Peaceful & Slow
With an Attitude Of Never Saying "NO".
I Was a Bad Grandson, Who Made all The Mistakes
But, To Protect Me He'll Put His Life At Stake.
But, Whatever I Do He'll Care For ME
Grandpa You Were Always There For ME.
All He Wanted Was To Spend Some TIME & Share Some LOVE
I Didn't Even Get The Chance To Give Him "The Last Hug".
Grandpa You Were "Angel In Disguise"
You Are The One Who Made Me NOBEL & WISE.
Because Of You I am Standing On My feet
You Made Me The Man That No one Can Beat.
The Fact Remains The Same That you've been Always Humble & Vivid
Yom Made Me Strong, Rough & Rigid.
He Died For You But, He Didn't Died In Vein
I am Glad He Left The World With No Pain.
His Thoughts Bring Tears In My Eyes
I Hope You Are Shining Like Fireflies In The Night.
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141,345 Literary Works • 674,370 Reviews
This is a very heartfelt poem but it has some spelling and grammar issues in it.From Rills The Water Flows.That part was kind of random and I'm' not sure rills is a word?The Fact Remains The Same That you've been Always Humble & Vivid
Yom Made Me Strong, Rough & Rigid.You should change been always to always been and yom to you.He Died For You But, He Didn't Died In Vein
I am Glad He Left The World With No Pain.The didn't' died in vein should be didn't' die in vein.Keep up the good work sincerely,sockmonkey.
Hello sockmonkey....
i am really great-full for suggestion and i'll definitely work on my spelling and grammar issue and "rills" is definitely a word which i have explained through-"the water flows". Actually it's a small stream from where the water flows !!
sincerely
Mr. Hijinks.
Hey, Tobes here with your review (Go RED!)
Annnnyway...
I really like this poem. It's sweet, it's well written, planned and presented.
Your Grammar was good but I don't think you really ned to Capitalize whole words. You actually shouldn't capitalize every word and I cringed reading these:
They just aren't needed.
You have good word use but I think this poem is a bit bland. I think you need to add more colour to this and make it more attractive. Put some better describing words and make us feel liek we're a part of it.
My favourite parts were these:
Pretty much those last four stanzas were terrific.
Some of the lines were a bit out of time with the rest though:
[/quote]He Lived His Life Peaceful & Slow
With an Attitude Of Never Saying "NO"[/quote]
The last line doesn't sound to good with the rest fo the poem, I suggest changing it to something like this:
He lived his life peaceful and slow,
an attitude, never saying no.
It just sounds better in my ears.
You also need to put some punctuation in.
At the current moment, it's a bit out of whack.
My view is to re-read it and edit it.
You might find a few errors.
Tobes Review Rating: 6/10.
A sweet poem wiht a few errors and a few things that need some help.
Overall, a gret piece!
Hello SirTobes,
frankly speaking i am totally new to this writing culture and this was my fist poem. SirTobes your review helped me a lot in order to find flaws. All i could say is i definitely need you by my side in order to become a renown poet and i am surely gonna re edit it after i'll be done with my assignment which i am working at the moment.
A Hearty Thanks
-Sirtobes.
This is a really sweet and heart felt poem. It really shows how much you loved him.
your flow is beautiful and seems to some naturally.
The one thing that annoyed me was the capitalisation of every word. I feel that you don't need and that the poem carries itself well enough without it but it is up to you whether you keep it or not!
There is a great feel of personal voice in this poem and it is seeping out of every word.
You highlight the story very well and what your grandpa meant to you!
Good job!!
Hello Nargles,
reading it now again all i could say is "You are definitely right about it", the capitalisation of every word is really annoying and in my defense all i could say is that is my first poem and your review was really sweet and did boost my morale to a great high.
Thanks a Ton.
-Mr. Hijinks
Glad I could be of service, let me know if you want another review
Definitely...
Hey I read your poem, time to reveiw (by the way I stink at reveiwing so sorry...)
The first four lines are nice, they set up the mood of the poem without putting all the emotion of the poem in them... so good. Though I feel that the spacing was weird, the spacing between the stanzas is used to give the readers a mental pause. You need to space it so that it makes the poem easy to read (i.e. complete thought pause complete thought, instead of: parts of a thought seperated evenly). Although for most of the poem the spaces worked (mostly at the end).
I would also like to add a coment about the rhyming... it was odd. The first few stanzas and the end few there was no end rhyme, but most in the middle had end rhyme. If you're going to use end rhyme you NEED to comit it for the WHOLE poem, otherwise it sounds weird to read aloud. Lastly the capitilization of the first letter in every word was weird, but it did give the poem that artistic edge. Personally I LOVED it, but most people don't so just be cautious with that.
All in all it was a great poem, it had a story and emotion. Really nice job
Hello Willowcutz,
your reviews are helping me a lot to improve my poetry skills. In my defense all i could say is this was my first poem and i am pretty much new to this writing culture, and as i am working on another assignment at present but i'll definitely like to hear your reviews on my second piece of work that i'll be uploading pretty soon considering all your suggestions in mind.
Hey I read your poem, time to reveiw (by the way I stink at reveiwing so sorry...)
The first four lines are nice, they set up the mood of the poem without putting all the emotion of the poem in them... so good. Though I feel that the spacing was weird, the spacing between the stanzas is used to give the readers a mental pause. You need to space it so that it makes the poem easy to read (i.e. complete thought pause complete thought, instead of: parts of a thought seperated evenly). Although for most of the poem the spaces worked (mostly at the end).
I would also like to add a coment about the rhyming... it was odd. The first few stanzas and the end few there was no end rhyme, but most in the middle had end rhyme. If you're going to use end rhyme you NEED to comit it for the WHOLE poem, otherwise it sounds weird to read aloud. Lastly the capitilization of the first letter in every word was weird, but it did give the poem that artistic edge. Personally I LOVED it, but most people don't so just be cautious with that.
All in all it was a great poem, it had a story and emotion. Really nice job