Tbh, I kinda forgot I wasn’t supposed to be reviewing this chapter when daisies name came out cuz I was to invested in the plot. So that’s a good sign I guess.
Andrew here for a liiiiggtning fast review! I really liked this chapter, the building of suspense over the past couple bits was good, and daisy geting chosen first is a good old fashion sucker punch. If I’m being honest, I hope Harry isn’t chosen, because that’d be a devastating twist, but you could still get him on the team somehow later. Y’know? Anyway, guess I’ll need to read the next section to find out. You did a really good job here at getting us to feel the way Harry’s feeling, my feet were sweating with him (maybe I shouldn’t write reviews lying in bed XD) but I’d just say I think you can do even more for us to feel what he’s feeling, get us in his shoes even more!
But into specifics!
That name made everything in his mind go blank for a second. His heart skipped a beat. Suddenly, he wasn't sure if he should be clapping or crying. He settled for cheering because that seemed like the more reasonable thing to do and started clapping with the rest as Mrs. Kane began her description of which abilities Daisy would be a part of the group for.
He didn't hear a word of it though. It was all tuned out as he looked to Daisy. She didn’t look much better off. Her mouth was stretched in a smile but her eyes betrayed her true feelings on the matter. She seemed dangerously close to tears. He gave her the bravest smile that he could muster hoping it would reassure her that everything was fine. The two of them continued to look at each other.
This is the most powerful part of the chapter, and it’s really well done, I just think you could do even better! I think if you cleaned it up a bit, the surprise would be all the more devastating.
But that’s just my two cents, hope it helped!
Like I said, this was really well done, and I can’t wait to read the next bit.
Thanks, and keep writing,
Andrew .
Points: 34
Reviews: 178
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