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Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 11.2

by KateHardy


Once everyone's applause and the various murmurs throughout the room had died down, Mrs. Kane reached into the box once more to pick the third member of the team.

At this point Harry was praying to all the probability classes he’d been in, wishing his chance of getting picked wasn’t as tiny as it currently was.

"Daisy Danvers"

That name made everything in his mind go blank for a second. His heart skipped a beat. Suddenly, he wasn't sure if he should be clapping or crying. He settled for cheering because that seemed like the more reasonable thing to do and started clapping with the rest as Mrs. Kane began her description of which abilities Daisy would be a part of the group for.

He didn't hear a word of it though. It was all tuned out as he looked to Daisy. She didn’t look much better off. Her mouth was stretched in a smile but her eyes betrayed her true feelings on the matter. She seemed dangerously close to tears. He gave her the bravest smile that he could muster hoping it would reassure her that everything was fine. The two of them continued to look at each other.

Aria cleared her throat behind them and Harry jumped, snapping back to reality as he remembered where they were and what they were supposed to be doing. Daisy gave him one last smile, this one genuine, before she walked off in the direction of the stage. Harry followed her movements as she squeezed past chairs, pushing empty ones out of her way as she made her way towards the center of the room where Mrs. Kane welcomed her on stage with a smile.

The clapping intensified as Daisy took a seat next to Ryan. Mrs. Kane turned once more to the box. It didn't matter that the odds were heavily stacked against that possibility, Harry was practically on the edge of his seat, ready to run, hoping against hope for his name to be the next one. Please be me. I can’t lose Daisy. No. No. No. Daisy will be fine, no matter what. They will succeed. There were too many conflicting thoughts flying through his mind at the moment for him to make much sense of any of them.

Mrs. Kane pulled out the fourth name for the team. As she unfolded the paper, her eyes registered barely disguised shock. Huh. What would actually cause her to be shocked? Is there some kind of...no that's not possible. She would never approve such a name to be put in there to begin with. Unless...ohhh...Aria.

Just as the thought finished hitting Harry with full force, Mrs. Kane confirmed his worst fears.

"Ariana Kane"

He found himself on the verge on tears. Aria gave him the same look that Daisy had given him just moments ago. Things were really taking a turn. The people being chosen were defying all logic and probability and somehow also turning him into an emotional mess. Harry steeled himself to see Aria go up on the stage as their mom finished describing how Aria was going to be the one leading the team.

Aria acknowledged everyone's applause and then made her way down to the other three. She sat next to a beaming Daisy that was clapping particularly hard. That managed to bring a smile back to Harry's face. At least she won't be alone. That's something. I'll have mom and dad at least.

Mrs. Kane reached into the box to take out the last and final name. This was it. The moment of history that Harry had been looking forward to for so long. He held his breath, hoping against hope that somehow it would end up being the name that he'd been waiting to hear all evening. Mrs. Kane unfolded that paper and the expression on her face told Harry all that he needed to know.

There was no way that the shocked expression currently on Mrs. Kane's face could be created by any other name being on the paper. Still not quite daring to hope he waited as his mother managed to compose herself and read out the name.


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178 Reviews


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Sun Feb 20, 2022 2:23 pm
MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



Tbh, I kinda forgot I wasn’t supposed to be reviewing this chapter when daisies name came out cuz I was to invested in the plot. So that’s a good sign I guess.
Andrew here for a liiiiggtning fast review! I really liked this chapter, the building of suspense over the past couple bits was good, and daisy geting chosen first is a good old fashion sucker punch. If I’m being honest, I hope Harry isn’t chosen, because that’d be a devastating twist, but you could still get him on the team somehow later. Y’know? Anyway, guess I’ll need to read the next section to find out. You did a really good job here at getting us to feel the way Harry’s feeling, my feet were sweating with him (maybe I shouldn’t write reviews lying in bed XD) but I’d just say I think you can do even more for us to feel what he’s feeling, get us in his shoes even more!
But into specifics!


That name made everything in his mind go blank for a second. His heart skipped a beat. Suddenly, he wasn't sure if he should be clapping or crying. He settled for cheering because that seemed like the more reasonable thing to do and started clapping with the rest as Mrs. Kane began her description of which abilities Daisy would be a part of the group for.

He didn't hear a word of it though. It was all tuned out as he looked to Daisy. She didn’t look much better off. Her mouth was stretched in a smile but her eyes betrayed her true feelings on the matter. She seemed dangerously close to tears. He gave her the bravest smile that he could muster hoping it would reassure her that everything was fine. The two of them continued to look at each other.

This is the most powerful part of the chapter, and it’s really well done, I just think you could do even better! I think if you cleaned it up a bit, the surprise would be all the more devastating.
But that’s just my two cents, hope it helped!
Like I said, this was really well done, and I can’t wait to read the next bit.
Thanks, and keep writing,
Andrew .




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Sun Oct 10, 2021 12:54 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back with a short review! :D

Definitely one of those parts where you can almost see how desperate and shocked Harry is. A climax where you don't recognise him in the usual frame, which I like very much.

I like this part and how it develops into a tightrope walk over a square, where you can really empathise with how the people involved feel. I like this image of Harry sliding from one side of the chair to the other because he's so excited. Harry's thought processes are very good here. These moments of shock give me this feeling of being in his situation myself.

I think there is really nothing that bothers me here. You create this clear interaction, even as a reader participating in the text, because you can't really expect what else is coming. At the moment we are really on a path here where the gates of the crossroads have not yet opened.

In general, I think the text flows much better here than in the previous chapter because you get this dynamic so extremely well. I can now slowly understand why there was such a "lull" in the previous chapter and I have to revise my opinion a little. I am now very deep into the story.

One other point I noticed while reading:

Mrs. Kane pulled out the fourth name for the team. As she unfolded the paper, her eyes registered barely disguised shock.
 
That is really very nice that we can see here that the mother can also be shocked and not just always serious and a little worried. I think we will perhaps see a lot more of her, whether she will defend herself against it.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Sun Oct 10, 2021 1:20 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

In this part, Harry became very emotional. I liked how you cut all the fun comments from this part. It helped the readers to understand how desperate how Harry was after he was seeing all his close ones being selected for the mission. However, his feeling changed in the end where he suspected from his mother's expression that he was selected. I also like how oblivious he was when he heard Daisy's name that Aria had to bring back to reality.

I was just wondering if they have any middle names. If they have it, thid might be a good chance to let the readers know it. Obviously, the middle names are not very important but just to provide some further details, that can be helpful.

Okay so Daisy and Aria don't seem to be much interested and also happy on being chosen. They seemed to be a bit sad, in fact. We still don't know exactly why they are sad because as of me, there can be two reasons: first of all, they are not interested at going outside the first and have a tendency to follow. I mean they want someone else to take the risk. The second reason can be they are a bit afraid about losing their closed ones. I would like a bit of clarification on this in the upcoming parts.

Is there some kind of...no that's not possible. She would never approve such a name to be put in there to begin with. Unless...ohhh...Aria.

This seems to be quite interesting. I wonder what he actually meant by such a name. If he didn't mean Aria, then he probably meant someone very close, to him and Mrs. Kane. I sense a new character.

I would like to know how Aria is suitable for the team and also the reason behind her leading the team. I guess Harry listened to that, at least. It would actually give us some information about Aria's good qualities which are not there in others. I really find it very interesting that she(an 18 year old girl) would be leading the team when there are so many people who are older than her. I don't know but it's really a matter of wondering why the team doesn't consist of Mr. Summers. He seemed to be the head of the mission and now he is excluded. I wonder if there's any reason behind it.

The next part would be fun to read. We will, I guess, see many other emotions in that part. Harry will get selected! And then we will see the mission itself.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Oooh I think that clarification will potentially arrive in the next chapter or so :D

Well...I can tell you at this point that Mr. Summers' name was not even up for consideration because...well I can't tell you that one just yet, that'll be revealed soon enough :D

Thanks again!!



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Sat Oct 09, 2021 6:00 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Although, I had predicted the outcome of this chapter, I was quite amazed with how well you managed to maintain the surprise and suspense through it all. It was constructed really well, and from the very first line I could feel the tension in every word and every thought that passed through Harry's mind. It was exciting to read, and it really brought me to the edge of my seat as well.

I had been right in my assumption in the previous part - Daisy and Aria, were not very keen on hearing their names being called out loud. It is obvious why Harry would want it. He is a little childlike and extremely optimistic and would jump into any adventure that showed itself in front of him. Daisy and Aria, on the other hand, are more realistic and think a lot before they jump into any action. Sometimes you need a 'Harry move' to get out of sticky situations, like they did during their near escape from the guards, but other times you need to think and plan and be realistic. Daisy and Aria are both aware of the risk and realities of this situation and I think Harry is too, because otherwise he wouldn't have been scared for them. It shows for his big heart that he was ready to hear his own name called out, but not theirs.

I think they made a good decision in choosing Aria to be their leader. She is logical, analytical, and incredibly realistic. Her pessimism will always keep her on guard and stop her from taking rash decisions. To be honest, I think she is perfect for the role. She already bosses Harry and Daisy around and I think she has what it needs to be the leader of such a dangerous and important mission. It would be really great to see her take charge actually.

Unless you really surprise us, I am very sure of the last name in that box. After all the story is about him isn't ? ;)

One nitpick:

It was all tuned out as he looked to Daisy.


I think 'at' will be better in place of 'to'.

Overall, this was a really great part. I loved how you managed to pull in the tension, the suspense, the fear and concern and all the other right emotions. It was really well done.

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D




Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
— Ellen DeGeneres