Sadness utterly my own
Only I understand it
But it’s possible even I don’t understand it
Sadness without a name
Alone in its shadowed mystery
A Great Wall of misery
Standing strong without cracks or blemishes
Sadness without an age
So old that dating it would be a task never ending
Sadness all my own
Without name or age
Sadness deep down
Needles of pain that draw blood
A serum of tainted feelings
Shooting through my veins
Sadness that breaks my heart
The greatest burden that I carry
All my own
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Great and interesting kind of poem! Really feel the pain and all the emotions you have. Literally, I felt it. SO consider my suggestions
Its a bad idea to repeat word/s just to make it rhyme. That's a suicide for your poem
(1)Cracks?? or you would mean lapses or enfeeble?? try to change that. [not so appropriate] (2) Hmmm. I also doubt on this. It seems you choose a wrong choice of words. Try to change this also.
All i can say... "WHAT??? HUH?????"
THIs part? I like it.
General, you should enhance your poem especially those whom I addressed not so good. Try and Try!
Sadness utterly my own
Only I understand it
But it’s possible even I don’t understand it
Sadness without a name
Alone in its shadowed mystery
A Great Wall of misery
Standing strong without cracks or blemishes
Sadness without an age
So old that dating it would be a task never ending
Sadness all my own---These two
Without name or age---lines seem to be repetitions of something you have already said,
Sadness deep down---as well as this one.
Needles of pain that draw blood
A serum of tainted feelings
Shooting through my veins
Sadness that breaks my heart---used way too much.
The greatest burden that I carry
All my own
I like it a lot, though, you are going somewhere!