Young Writers Society

Great message behind this breaking out of the class system. I thnk the rythm needs some work cause I couldn't find one but this is an awesome poem a little more work and this will rock! Try adjusting the structure and the rythm and this will be all set. I love this poem!

First of all, i didn't really like the idea of this because the idea is very old and used too much.

I think it needs more depth to it, instead of telling the reader something...describe things so the reader works it out themselves...if that makes any sense. xD


Maybe you should add some more to this, and put more description and imagery in it


x

You can add more. It is just a basic description. I was waiting for more.

So what if I’m not preppy?
What’s popularity got to do with anything?
Why can’t you just accept me?
I’m not goth
And I don’t wanna be Emo
Who cares if I hate sports?
And maybe I’m not so pretty
But why can’t you just accept me?

Just like people are saying, this is a good working outline, but you don't need any of it. Instead of straight-out telling the reader you're not popular, give juicy, concrete examples, like how you sit by yourself at lunch or stare enviously at giggling gaggles of girly-girl gangs. But, yes, I really do like the idea. You have the passion--now fine-tune it into a work of art!

This was pretty cool because it asked questions instead of ranting about how horrible life was, which is really quite good, since there is too much of poetry out there that rants and doesn't ask questions. And that's awesome. ^_^

The one thing I think of to improve this poem is that you had your narrator talk about how her thoughts are of this subject, but I think it would be super neat if you brought in what the others thought. Like, did she actually encounter some conflict from other groups about her being individual? How so?

So basically, add a little more story to it. ^_^

Not bad though!

I like this. The idea may be elderly, but it was still a really nice poem, very cute. Just the first line made me think, "Oh, this could be really good!" And I just wanted to keep reading.
I think that you could elaborate on the idea, make this a little longer, a little more detailed.

I especially liked the last two lines. They really tied up the poem. If you were going to make it longer, I think you should definitely keep those lines.

So...

Peace, love, chocolate,
Muffin

I don't know why but this made me angry.

You have a great idea, but have just stomped it's face down in the dirt and told it to eat mud. This isn't the way to treat a good idea and I think you should actually treat it like a newborn baby.

It was too short and didn't really include any information about how the author was feeling. Also, there are just too many questions in this, making it nothing like a poem in my eyes. Worst thing is, you've grouped all of the questions together and placed them all at the beginning of the poem - those three most important lines to get the reader hooked. If you must have them in there, at least spread them out and then maybe in between you could explain what makes them ask this question, and why they feel like that?

Hope this helps.

This is merely an outline. You have the basis; the plea, the questions, the need. Now turn it into the art of expression!

-Evang.

Hmm. I think that the basic plot, well the basic question rather is a good place to start but the punctuation needs some work and it's a touch abrupt. I think you need to dealve deeper into this rather than just naming some of the stereotypes and touching uppon the matter. Explain why you're not preppy. In fact, you don't even need to mention the word to do that; the reader should know what you're hinting at. You could have a full verse on each of those and then write about some of what you are and such.

Overall, I think this is overly simple but it has potential and I'd love to see any changes you make.