hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii there every1 im.......................... a person yeah im gonna right hope u liek it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
today is a very exiting day 4 me coz something massives hapenig guess what oh ill just tel ya coz ull never guess.............................. iv bn exceptd n2 a rly kl school I vant wait plus I no something rly cool............. its a magic school cold hogwrats schol o wchcraft n wizardry. i wok ot of maeh bchouse on2 the beach ya i liv on da beach bet ya jelly hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha lol jks yeah so i grab my bag from mah beside cabinet and walk to school ya i can wok to mah new school i go in and evry1 stares omg shes so hot!!!!!! a blond boy sez and a girl glares oh no she doesnt like me bcoz im butifue o no im depes i can believe it i run away and cut and the blond boy comes and kisses me then we do u no what bcoz were in love but no id need todie goodbye world i say as i jump into the sea no abbie stop he yells how does he no m name don't die i love u so i cum back then say i love you 2 draco the next day we get married were in love but his dad calls me filthy mudblood so ir un away and comt sucide by world
then i wake up omg it woz ol i dream theres a letter on the mat with ared wax seal i wonder hu its from lets find out
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And a Happy April fools to you too.... although according to the publishing date, your a little late for that.
The grammar is completely off, words are misspelled, punctuation and capitalization were not used. This piece was not reviewed by the author and seems like the writer was just bored and didn't care what this would look like. It seems very unprofessional and like no work was put into it. The story really has no topic and is random. I don't know I just think this piece wasn't looked over for mistakes and could have more detail.
First of all, the grammar is extremely off. There is barely good use of punctuation, no capitalization, and no complete words. This "novel" seems like you're trying to make a joke. There are many misspelled words. This paper obviously wasn't reviewed by the writer.
Well, um, I don't really know what to say... Um, okay, hopefully my review will help you to improve!
'hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii there every1 im.......................... a person yeah im gonna right hope u liek it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' I'm assuming that this is an auhor's note, yes? If so, maybe make that clearer so readers are not confused. Also, you only need to write 'hi', not 'hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'. Also, 'everyone' not 'every1', 'I am' or 'I'm' not 'im', only three dots in an ellipse, 'write' not 'right', 'you' not 'u', 'like' not 'liek', and you only need one exclamation mark at the end.
Okay, I'll just re-write the rest for you, and explain it:
'Today is a very exciting day for me because something massive's happening; guess what! Oh, I will just tell you because you will never guess...
'I have been excepted into a really cool school; I can't wait! Plus, I know something really cool... It's a magic school called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I walk out of my onto the beach. Yes, I live on the beach, I bet you're jealous (just joking, sorry, though I do live on the beach!). I grab my bag from my beside cabinet and walk to school, yes, I can walk to my new school.
I go in and everybody stares. "OMG, she's so hot!" a blonde boy says and a girl glares. Oh no, she doesn't like me because I am beautiful. Oh no, I am depressed, I can't believe it! I run away and cut and the blond boy comes and kisses me then we do you know what because we are in love, but no, I need to die!
"Goodbye, world," I say as I jump into the sea.
"No, Abbie, stop!" he yells. How does he know my name? "Don't die, I love you!"
So I come back then say, "I love you too, Draco."
The next day we get married we are in love but his dad calls me a filthy mudblood so I r un away and commit suicide, bye, world.
Then I wake up. Oh, my God, it was all a dream there's a letter on the mat with a red wax seal I wonder who it's from let's find out!
You always need a new line for each new speaker, if there's a tag in dialogue, you use commas and lowercase letters, if it's an action, you sue full stops and capital letters. You can work out the spelling for yourself I'm sure, also 'it's' is an abbreviation of 'it is', and 'its' is possessive.
There is no need for lengthened ellipses of exclamation marks or anything like that, it just looks silly and unprofessional.
And that's just grammar and spelling. No one will get married a day after meeting at the age of eleven. Also, she was out of the house, so how was she back in her bedroom? However, I DO like the ending, it was cool, and I like the sense of foreshadowing.
Sorry, I was harsh.
Love,
Eva(lynne)
---Evalynne---