Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hi there. If you’re reading this book, that must mean I’m gone. Or homicidal bounty hunters are chasing me and I accidentally dropped this journal. There’s also the possibility that I dropped this journal into Dad’s time portal and sent it to whatever year you’re in. My name is Devin W. Anderson. The Earth I know might be or might not be different from yours. My Earth is a catastrophic mess. Tidal waves sweep all day and night. Tornadoes are an everyday event. Hurricanes are common happenings. I could mention more but that would be very depressing. And also it's like exposure.
And to imagine that this all started just a mere 2 months ago because a kid I’d rather not mention had tampered with some things in my dad’s laboratory. And, for the record, it wasn't me. Ugh, my temper's at it again. Here, let me start from the very beginning.
Well this is quite the start here. Things being thrust upon us rather fast there in pretty quick succession with the whole idea of a world that's stuck in a massive sort of crisis and for it to all have happened as the result of a single lab experiment gone wrong is certainly quite something. This is certainly a pretty solid way to drag us readers into things here, because you do find yourself asking all sort of questions on what could potentially be going on here.
Dana M. Shultz, my best friend, and I were walking through town when we noticed my dad's laboratory light turned on. We snuck into the lab and saw a man that looked about dad's age tampering with the weather tracker. The dude was flippin' switches, turnin' knobs, and pressing buttons. After a few seconds, he threw the tracker out. We saw a blue beam emitting from it. The beam stopped getting bigger after it hit the troposphere.
After that, we ran out of the lab before the man could find us. The first thing we noticed was the volcano a few miles away from the city erupting. But, we were surprised because it was an extinct volcano. And this was just the beginning. JUST. THE. BEGINNING.
Okayy...well this is capturing the style of journal/ diary situation quite well here, and for those purposes I think you've done a pretty solid job here of building up some suspense and detailing this situation about the lab. I think that the beginning could perhaps use a tiny bit more detail but then if this was a journal written in a rush, that can be allowed to slide somewhat.
Sorry for slacking off with the entries. But, I was just able to retrieve my journal a few minutes ago. Now to explain my situation. I'm in a barred cage about 6 feet tall and 7 feet wide. There's a hole in the center of the roof so they can give me food, which was exceptionally delicious, considering my current position in the human pyramid. Which is in the very bottom. I was contemplating possible escape scenarios when I heard footsteps. "Well, well, well, if it ain't good ol' Devin W. Anderson," the man Dana and I saw earlier said, smirking. That was when I noticed his face. It was the face of an old enemy of mine from school, Byron T. Winchester.
Well, not to bad point to end off what I assume is sort of the first bit here. It does pull you in as a reader and seems like it would make for a pretty exciting story. The one issue I have to point out if any is the slight lack of description on what seems to be a pretty important event there and also the use of thes full names, if these are friends and such, it seems a bit unnecessary and oddly formal for a journal.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254788
Reviews: 4107
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