Sitting alone at a small booth of a coffee shop, I sip black coffee. Its one of those places where they serve real food, but everyone who knows it just goes there to get coffee. It’s not even good coffee but people here still drink it. I was never sure why. I take another sip trying to taste anything good in the coffee. No, its like gas station coffee. The mug the waitress gave me is chipped. Smooth and rounded all along the edge until you get to the thumb sized hollow where a piece of the mug had been chipped off. I think about the missing piece of ceramic. Where did it go? Where is it now? How did it break off? I run my finger along the place where the piece used to be. Its dull, its been missing for a while so the mug doesn’t even remember it was there. Its forgotten so now it lives like its never even been broken. And when people come and sip from the mug it doesn’t use it’s empty spot to cut them the way it did when it first broke.
I sip again, this time I turn the cup so the chip is opposite me and when I tilt the cup to pour the coffee in my mouth I can watch the little hollow. I stare that little empty spot down watching it. Not sure if I am waiting for something to happen, but I watch it as my cup moves up and down, as I drink my coffee.
A song I used to know starts to play out of the cheap sound system of the coffee shop. Its a happy song, but it makes me sad. I look up as if the person I used to listen to that song with might be sitting across from me, putting more sugar than he needs in his coffee, grinning, and humming along to the song. But he’s not, he wouldn’t be, he couldn’t be.
“I’m chipped” I think turning my attention back to the mug. I lost a piece and its left a hollow spot in me. I don’t know if I can ever fill that empty place. I’m chipped. I’m not dull the way the mug is, not yet, I can still cut people. When they put their finger on that empty place, the place where the piece used to go, they get hurt. When they put their lips to my edge I cut them and they bleed.
I could learn from this mug. I could learn how to be dull so that people won’t get hurt by me. “How did you do it?” I think at the mug. “How did you forget you were missing a piece?”
I wish someone would come along and turn me, avoiding the sharp empty place. Drinking from me knowing I could cut them, but turning the sharp edge away from themselves. Give me the time I need to forget the missing piece and heal the empty spot. Give me time to become dull on my own.
I gulp my coffee until the cup is empty, its cold now, and for a moment I hold the cup in my two hands. “I’m like this mug.” I say quietly and to myself. Then I take the mug to the waitress counting her tips at the counter. “This is broken” I say as I set it down on the counter and walk out.
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140,159 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Woah. Metaphors #ftw .
Hey, Will here.
I know this post is old, so I was wondering if I should review it or not. In the end, I was just like
I really love this piece. As @AbTheCrab said it's so deep! I never knew you could think of a mug like that. Well, I guess my whole life has been a lie. One thing I liked was you gave a short introduction (well, not an introduction - more of a setting) to the whole story.
This part I really do love.
Some improvements?
Italics. It would help if instead of putting speech marks where you think, just italicise it. It would look something like this:
Instead of:
It would look like:
Difference? Okay, I'll agree. It doesn't make that much of a difference. But still.
Some grammar mistakes here and there. But that's all.
I love it.
More.
*follows*
-willachilles
This story is so deep, and so mysterious! I love the metaphor, they are my favorite thing ever! Even though it's short and simple-looking, you had me thinking about it for awhile. An the way you describe the mug and the music makes it just seem to pop to life, creating itself inside anyone's head. Fantastic job!
Thank you for the review! Your words have brought some light to my sunday!
Great job!
Hey Hanna,
I can't begin to type how much I love this piece of writing. I mean, it is fabulous. Absolutely WOW. When normal people read something they like, it makes them happy. When I read something I like, it makes me jealous. Jealous of the fact that why couldn't I write something like this! xD And yours was one such case. I love people who can inspire me like this, inspire me to write better
I simply loved this part and I'm gonna write it and keep it with me :
"I wish someone would come along and turn me, avoiding the sharp empty place. Drinking from me knowing I could cut them, but turning the sharp edge away from themselves. Give me the time I need to forget the missing piece and heal the empty spot. Give me time to become dull on my own"
It was food for my imagination. Thanks for fulfilling my starvation ;D
Happy writing!
-Ishita Dutt
Thank you for your encouraging words, I really appreciate your taking the time to read my piece.
Shadow here
I must say that this is a very interesting piece of work. Its just one of those really good works that keep you reading even though it has little to no plot and no reason to keep reading it. Yet you do, as though just enjoying the peace and wondering that has been created through this. I must say I think I will be adding this to some of my favorite works and checking out your page while I'm at it. But onto the critique.
"I stare that little empty spot down watching it." After the word down you may want to add a comma to it.
", as I drink my coffee." second paragraph in, this isn't something that is required on the end of the sentence, it makes it feel a little awkward. It would be best to remove it.
Other than those two things, i have nothing else to give you. This was very well written and I cant wait to go and check you out for more peices. I must also say that I enjoyed how you made it so that the cup had a meaning, made the story seem like it had somewhere to go. As though it was the first chapter in a book with the purpose and intent of making the reader think about themselves. Great work, keep on keeping on
Thank you, your critique and advice is so helpful. I struggled with the part "as I drink my coffee." because I felt like it still had a place there but wasn't sure. Again thank you!