Ah, so here's what happened to Deepti!
I like having the context, and your poeticness is lovely as ever. However, I think I had the most problems with this bit out of all the others.
First, the switch to Gautam's point of view is jarring. We're settled into Farah's mind and emotions, and suddenly we're here in Gautam's head. Of course, it's very clearly marked that this is Gautam's perspective so it's not jarring in quite that way. I really can't decide if I like it or not. For one it's great to finally see what he's thinking and all the blind whiteness ("white hot rage"? ) and everything that we have going on here, but then part of me growls "consistency!" "parallelism!" but that could definitely just be me. xD
The biggest problem, though, is probably that I had a hard time figuring out what was going on in this scene. At first I thought it was Gautam and Farah, some years after Anjali had been taken away, and Farah had grown numb and no longer afraid of him. So of course I thought he was strangling Farah, but then Anjali showed up and suddenly it was Deepti in the tub (who was not washing Gautam's hair, as I thought, but her own?). Really, I think if we know from the start it's Deepti then most if not all of those problems will go away.
Anyway, I do really like this look into Gautam's mind! It seems almost necessary, so I suppose I can be happy with the break in consistent narration in favor of it. It definitely works, and I'm a firm believer you can break the rules if you make it work.
Keep writing!
-Lauren-
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Reviews: 541
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