The Butterfly and The Breeze
You are a butterfly.
A one second faster than I
Butterfly.
You distract me
And hold my gaze
Every time I turn around.
I am a gentle breeze.
Not swift like you,
But moving on, forevermore.
Searching for something
I've yet to find.
But I'll stop for you,
Butterfly.
And we can join
Wing to wing,
Body to body.
Moving together evermore.
Always flying,
But this time
We have each other.
I'll search again nevermore.
This poem was nominated in the Creative Communication 2008 Summer Celebration of Poets Contest, and is my first poem that I have ever submitted into a contest. I don't know yet if I am one of the winners of the contest, but this poem will still appear with other nominees in the Celebration of Poets anthology.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
It IS a very nice, sweet little petite poem.
Short, nicely formatted and straight to the point.
I prefer these types of poems rather than those long long LONG sentenced ones!
Great job keep it up
short and to the point : ]
i liked the metaphor of the breeze, it's genius O_O
oh, and i like butterflies too,
although they're dying too fast...=\
wish you a nice week
Wow i love your choice of words, it helps me pick the image in my head much faster
"I am a gentle breeze.
Not swift like you,
but moving on, forevermore.
Searching for something
I've yet to find. "
Good luck with the contest!
and nice poem!
Hello!
[Shockingly] I could only find one thing that bugged me with this poem! And it's not even something major.
The first letter of each line doesn't need to be capitalized. In fact, when you do, it sort of makes us put a slight emphasis on that word, and we don't want that. So, I'm going to go back and lowercase all of the first letter in the line, only if it's not the beginning of a sentence.
You are a butterfly.
A one second faster than I
Butterfly.
You distract me
and hold my gaze
every time I turn around.
I am a gentle breeze.
Not swift like you,
but moving on, forevermore.
Searching for something
I've yet to find.
But I'll stop for you,
Butterfly.
And we can join
wing to wing,
body to body.
Moving together evermore.
Always flying,
but this time
we have each other.
I'll search again nevermore.
I really like this poem. It's short, to the point and really beautiful. There are some lines that I'm not so hot with.
I don't like this line, yet I do, because it helps the very last line, "I'll search again nevermore" feel more like an ending. *shrugs* I just didn't like that line too much.
I love these lines. They are so well placed, it made me feel all warm inside. ^_^
Well, good luck with your contest, dude! I hope you win it! This poem is fantastic.
-Jared
Hey good luck with the contest! I never have the guts to send any of my stuff into competitions so well done on that already, and I definatly think this poem is up to competition standards
And I notice you are a new memebr so welcome to the YWS!
-Good opening statement, simple and to the point.
Already this is a beautiful poem, I think it is the imagery of butterflies, they are so delicate and are genrally beautiful.
-This is a really beautiful end stanza.
I really loved this, the imagery you used was so perfect and added a lot to the poem. I can't even think of anything to add or imporve I think it is fine the way it is. I really do hope this does well in the competition!
All the best,
Meevs
First of all, good luck on the contest! Well deserved!
Second of all, I love short, concise poems which this definitely is!
Third of all, the personification of the breeze is pretty well thought out and executed. So, well done!
Fourth of all, the poem could have almost been longer ... i feel.
Adrian