Kyoko walked through the bamboo grove; she held her Miko dress slightly above the ground and walked carefully over the fallen leaves. It had been a long time since she left the comfort of a fireplace within the Shrine or the serenity of water ripples when she passed the small river and over a bridge; now to this grove.
A wind passed lightly through the grove, rustling the leaves only slightly and then swayed the hem of Kyoko’s dress. She walked with her head lowered and her eyes were nearly closed. The grove was beginning to clear, the maze of bamboo ending and the trees let the sun reach past the canopy in dappled sunlight, to the fallen leaves upon the ground.
The wind was able to be more flexible now, bending the trees back and forth, letting it rain delicate leaves around Kyoko, and falling off her dress to the forest floor until more ground became covered. Despite all this, Kyoko’s only company was the silence that she listened to, the rhythm of her footsteps and the bells tied to her dress, which continued to ring in a harmonious tune as she walked on.
Soon the leaves upon the ground disappeared, as Kyoko reached a pathway through the forest, she only past it to the other side, without a second thought.
There were fewer bamboo trees here, lesser leaves upon the ground and it was as if the wind dared not to approach this part of the grove. Without the wind, some bamboo managed to creak and groan, as if to suggest, they were to fall down in Kyoko’s path, dead, as a warning perhaps. Her footsteps were quiet; not disturbing the ground of scattered leaves as she did before. This sudden change of scenery, caught her attention; lifting her head she looked at the older bamboo trees, tall and wide with their loss of colour and fewer branches of leaves didn’t mean much to Kyoko, but the natural silence was gone. The silence here was dead.
Only in a split second did the wind pass her, only lightly; it pulled her forward and then swayed back to her, with cherry blossom petals chasing it away.
Kyoko, now with her head held high, let go of her dress and let it fall to the ground, to brush past the forest floor as she continued to walk towards her destination.
Even without the wind, she noticed the dyed-coloured petals fall to the ground in front of her path. They fell onto her but continued to fall down to the ground.
Kyoko noticed when there were no more bamboo trees, the sound of her bells had ceased and her footsteps were more than just quiet, even when she walked up a set of cold stone steps.
A Cherry Blossom tree was in sight, in full bloom, even with the loss of so many petals. There were vines twisted around the trunk and its branches, the thick roots that were buried within the ground, covered in petals with loose vines. The vines constricted this tree, with only a few hanging loose from some branches and shaped like nooses. There was neither wind nor sound, just silence.
Kyoko wasn’t the only one there that day; she noticed from the corner of her eye, the vines had suddenly moved and then there was a sharp, piercing like a blade and petals were dyed once more.
From the moment she saw him she could smell the blood.
(AN: I wonder if anyone can guess which, Anime/Manga, had a little inspiration for this piece?)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Perhaps "fewer leaves" would sound better?
It's just me, but I think you should rearrange this so it reads 'Some bamboo
managed to creak and groan without the wind.'
Thank you very much =)
Yes, I had a feeling that some parts would be a bit awkward and all, I just needed outside opinion that was constructive.
I loved it! Very good use of description.
Sounds very awkward, try rewording it to something like ' the trees let the sun reach past the canopy and onto the fallen leaves' it makes it easier on the reader. You have a couple other spots with the same problem, have you tried reading it aloud? It would help with stuff like that
You also used the word "noticed" quite frequently