Published February 2, 2010
The Sword and the Pen
.
This is the path of violence
sharp-edged and glittering
cruel, cold, calculating
designed for death
~
How many lives
have been cleaved into pieces
by a thrust
of bloodthirsty, tempered steel
~
Weapon of the thoughtful
tool for the daydreamer
scratching their souls
into coarse folds of paper
~
Splash your dreams upon a page
persuading, changing views
no blood needs be spilt
only the rich darkness of ink
~
Swords win battles and wars
Pens prevent them.
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141,471 Literary Works • 674,496 Reviews
This flows really well and I like the description you used, especially "sharp-edged and glittering". You need a question mark at the end of the second stanza, though. I like how you seperated the poem into two parts, one for the pen and one for the sword. I really like the message of your poem as well. Well done.
I like your poem, it expresses your opinions. I see how a sword can cleave one's life apart, through grief. Keep writing.
Thanks for the review
On the note about thrusting and cleaving
I didn't literally mean cleaving someoene apart, more the lives of thier familes, friends etc.
Valentine
It seems to me that you are not very familiar with swords. You poem suggests that one can "cleave" somebody with a "thrust." That is not possible. Besides that, I'm not sure that I believe your poem at all. It is wonderful that you, unlike others, are putting your views and thoughts into your writing instead of very babbling meaninglessly, but, I think pens start wars. Swords end wars. Besides are obvious clash in view points, your poem was graceful and powerful. It showed precisely what it was meant. Keep it up.
Valentine