Needs some work on the flow I think.
.
Dead Season
~
Evening air pulses around me
Lost amongst the corrugated furrows
Of hunchbacked feilds, rolling,
Petrified mid-flow
~
The sun beds down beneath
Layers of threadbare clouds
Dancing faint light upon tall frames of corn
Gaunt heads bowed – solemn
Like starving monks in prayer
~
Single file, the trees idle and whisper
Caught in gridlock across the pasture
They entwine gnarly fingers
Grasping in a bony death grip
As bronzed leaves tumble
Flickering like falling flames
~
The earth is comatose
Preparing for winter,
The creeping chill as night descends
And the stars gleam forebodingly
Jack’ O lanterns in the marshy blackness
Of fading monochrome sky
~
To the east, city lights prowl on the horizon
Hungry and lupine-eyed
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Thank you all for your feedback. It is much apprieciated and I have slightly altered the poem in accordance with it.
I really enjoyed reading this. The cold, crisp descriptions were quite nice; I also found it interesting that you ended the poem with a final, brief line about the city, even painting it in ominous tones. I believe you invented the word "wolfen", but shortening it to "wolf" loses the euphonious quality... perhaps you could swap it with something like "lupine". As mentioned by those above, "feilds" needs to be fixed. As for "skinny", it works, but rather awkwardly. What if you replaced it with a word like "narrow"? Just a suggestion.
Thanks for sharing this with us. A "like–it" for sure. (I usually don't use this many quotation marks. It's just that kind of day, I guess.)
–antimelrose
Great imagery!
"Feilds" should be spelled "fields" and maybe instead of "skinny" a more descriptive word?
Personally, I have no critiques on this poem--amazing.
Your wording is great and left a dramatic image in my mind. Like I said, I have no complaints--keep writing. 
OK, just a few things to criticise. First of all...
I don't exactly understand what you are trying to say here. what do you mean by "the sun beds"? Also, you shouldn't use both "down" and "beneath" for they both mean pretty much the same thing in this context.
Now, i have just one more suggestion. when you say...
I don't think this sentence was worded very well. Maybe instead you could say something like "Skinny heads bow solemnly". Adding the "ed" to "bowed" wasn't necessary and neither was the dash between bowed and solemn. Lastly, i think you should just clean up around a few of the other sentences by fixing some of the grammar. Try to find the best words you can possibly use to describe what you are trying to say. Using a thesaurus would work tremendously!
Heya,
The imagery is clear and easy to picture. I do not think that the flow is lacking although punctuation would help with where you are beginning and ending your concepts.
I do love the way you capture this moment with such a contrast.
This poem to me is very much screen captures of consciousness, I Love it.
Thanks.