Published June 18, 2009
Last chance
Last chance,
Please don't refuse to take it, i wish you'd just look at me and promise that we'll make it.
It's scaring me that you have nothing to say, this endless silence scares our chances away.
You won't look at me, and i don't know why. I'm afraid that if i ask you, you'll just tell me a lie.
Is it our time to move on? To go our seperate ways? Is it my time to let go, and let our last chance float away?
The tears tumble silently down, and i have to look away, i know these answers, i'm just too afraid.
I'll let you say it when your ready, but for now, i'll be sitting here, keeping our last chance steady...
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Hi Hailey_Ann!
Firstly I really need to say that I thought this poem had a lot of real, believable emotion behind it and that's always a good thing. It was a nice poem in my opinion but not spectacular. I think you might want to space out your lines differently and into verses.
For example:
"Please don't refuse to take it,
I wish you'd just look at me and promise that we'll make it.
It's scaring me that you have nothing to say,
This endless silence scares out chances away."
It looks neater like this and the rhythm becomes more clear, though there do seem to be some differences in it (the rhythm) as the poem progresses.
In the last line, it should say "you're" instead of "your". But it's a very common mistake so don't let it worry you too much.
I'd also like to mention how cleverly named I think this poem is. It gels very nicely with the first and last line making a very appropriate intro and conclusion.
I really do like your poem and I hope you'll continue to write more, so good luck!