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E - Everyone

He did it on purpose

by Gurkensalat


The man sat at the window side table and watched for the birds. Down the hillside, the lake lay placidly. The geese had not returned yet. He heard the woman enter the drawing-room. She did some chores with the cutlery. He could tell that from the clatter. 

"Did he forget anything", the man asked without turning his eyes from the lake. 

"No", the woman answered. 

"The last time he forgot the charger of his cell phone", he continued. 

"He took it with him this time", said the woman. 

"The year before it was his winter coat." 

"Yes, it was cold the night he arrived", she said without interrupting her clattering, "but then it got warm the next day, and when he left, all the snow had melted." 

"Yes, I remember. But he took the coat the next time he came", said the old man. "The geese have not returned, yet." 

"They will", she said, "they always did." 

"What do you think of that girl?" he asked. 

"I think she is nice", she said, "what about you?"

"I liked that picture he showed us", he replied. 

"The one where they kissed at sunset?" 

"No", he answered, "the one where she cuddles that dog. I liked the dog. It reminded me of the one I had when I was a kid. He was a good dog." 

"Do you think he will move in with her?", she wanted to know. 

"He said so", the old man replied. 

"But the city is awfully far away." He shrugged. There was silence, except for the clattering. 

"Did you clean his room?" the man asked. 

"Yes, I changed the bed sheeting and vacuumed."

"And did he forget anything there?" 

"No", she answered, "he took it all with him." 

"Once he forgot his toothbrush." 

"I checked the bathroom. He took it all with him."

The old man sighed. "I cannot remember any year in which the geese were so late", he said.

Later the man lay in bed next to the woman. He heard her breathing. He did not dare to sleep, yet, so he thought about the geese. He still wondered why they were so late. Then, all of a sudden, he was sure that it was no coincidence. He did it on purpose not to forget anything this time. 


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64 Reviews


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Thu Jun 25, 2020 2:26 pm
StarlitMind wrote a review...



Hey there!
I think this is a cute and simple short story. You have a nice title; it instantly caught my attention, as I'm sure it did others, since you asked a question we wanted to find the answer to. I have a few things I'd like to point out, if you don't mind :)

The man sat at the window side table and watched for the birds. Down the hillside, the lake lay placidly. The geese had not returned yet. He heard the woman enter the drawing-room. She did some chores with the cutlery. He could tell that from the clatter.


All of these sentences are about the same length. In writing, you want to vary your sentence length to keep the reader engaged. Having sentences that are all the same length can actually bore the reader. I recommend varying the sentence length.

"Did he forget anything", the man asked without turning his eyes from the lake.


Since it is a question, it should be "Did he forget anything?" the man asked without turning his eyes from the lake.

"The last time he forgot the charger of his cell phone", he continued.


The comma should be inside of the quotations, like "charger of his cell phone," he continued. You did this in several other places, but hopefully this example will help you to catch them all!

"Do you think he will move in with her?", she wanted to know.


Since you have a question mark already, you don't need a comma.

Overall, this is a really nice story! Although I was confused about the ending. Why was it not a coincidence? Who did what on purpose? Sorry if it's really obvious, and I just missed it xD But anyway, I hope this review helped!




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Sat May 30, 2020 6:22 pm
LewisPencastle2 wrote a review...



I think that this is a rather nice and simple short story you've written, and that the only way you could improve upon it would be by polishing the actual structure and grammar. The writing style itself i actually really enjoy, its very succinct and simple to the point it's a bit similar to Ernest Hemingway (at least in my opinion.). Other than that, this is what I could find to comment on.

- Start a new line whenever another character speaks to avoid confusion and to expand the majority of the story from the single condensed paragraph.

- The line, "She did some chores with the cutlery" sounds a bit off. Using a verb like washing/cleaning, sorting, etc. could give readers a better picture.

- "Did he forget anything,": If it's a genuine question it's best to use a question mark and put the punctuation inside the quotation marks.

- "[...], all the snow was molten.": You probably want to change this to "had melted," as molten is more used to describe harder elements melted by extremely high heat, like lava.

- "He did not dare to sleep, yet,[...]": I'd recommend taking out the comma after sleep just to make the sentence flow better.

Those were the main things I saw, and other than that I'd recommend going through and rereading and editing (making sure punctuation's within quotation marks, etc.), and other than that it was pretty enjoyable to read.




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Sat May 30, 2020 3:29 pm
Linguistic wrote a review...



I like the point of view of this story. It reads very thoughtful and purposeful. It is, however, a little hard to read with no paragraphs. Big suggestion: make every new dialogue a new paragraph. So,

"What do you think of that girl?" he asked.
"I think she is nice," she said. (Also, comma inside the quotation marks, not outside as you did a few times).

This will just enhance the flow and make it more visually appealing. I also think you could add some description with the dialogue. How did he ask about the girl? Were his shoulders tense? Was he smiling? Descriptors will tell us a lot more about how the characters are feeling. Let us in a little bit.

Great start though! Can't wait to see what else you do with it.





As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.
— Pablo Neruda