Time
Time passes by like wind to me,
Unlocking future like a key,
Unseen by all but treasured most,
And sometimes feared much like a ghost
You cannot hear it like a chime,
Because this silent thing’s called time,
When wasted it does not return,
Not an easy thing to learn
Never lives, and never dies,
And present in all clocks it lies,
Heard by no one as I say,
Though present all throughout the day
Endings will not make it end,
Death would never make it bend,
Unhappy thoughts would go away,
Joy and endless time will stay.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
It's rare for me to like a rhyming poem but for you I think you managed to tickled my fancy with this little ditty, sure it's not deep or thought provoking but apart from some minor problems, I see a great poem. Now let begin I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer.
Okay we'll begin with the problems as I've far more positive to say than negative. Okay off the bat rhyme works fairly well except for this line right here:
I don't know, this seems to fit badly with the scheme, so my suggestion is reword or rework it so the rhyme fits a bit better.
On to postive. I admit here and now most of the time when I see rhyming poetry on here, I feel it sounds too sing-songy and less serious, this is especially evident when trying to capture depression or angst with rhyme, it tends to sound utterly horrific. Yours is a rare case though. I actually feel you managed to combine the rhyme and the theme together very well, except for up above, but that's minor.
Overall: This is a pretty solid piece, fairly simplistic, but not so much it's insulting and manages to show rhyming can be done well in poems, without coming across as annoying.
Hope this helps.
Really good. Keep on writing!
You have talent...
Hey first of all I really like your poem. I also think that how you included that persons name was really awesome and creative. Another thing, your poem seemed like it has a philosophical feel behind it which I liked. I dont know if that was the intention but thats what I gained from reading it
Cheers
#8000BF ">FROMNZ
man....
i really did not think it would be that good....
thanks for all your comments..
i hope i'll be a better poet someday....
all because of your comments!
thanks people.... from the small heart of this vampire...
Hi there GummyBearEater,
I quite enjoyed your poem, gets very deep into the essence, of time.
"Endings will not make it end,Death would never make it bend,
Unhappy thoughts would go away,
Joy and endless time will stay."
I fell very deep into this part of the poem, even in the long life of time nor the unhappy thoughts will still but in endless time the joy of yourself will stay within. I quite enjoyed your poem looking forward to see me =D
Awesome! cool poem, it kind of reminded me of a riddle, even though you knew what the answer was from the start. Cool topic too!
yes, i admit some lines are a bit off course...
that's because i meant to make it an acrostic...
otherwise the acrostic would have been ruined...
This is a very good poem in my opinion. Though, of course, I do have some suggestions. In the first stanza, the last line seems to take away from the poem. I don't know why, but maybe you should change the line to something more... sophisticated. I think its the ghost thing. I don't know. Sorry, I dont know if this was very helpful, but I hope you will consider re-writing the line!
Thanks!
thanks...
never thought you'd think it's that good...
Hi I like this poem, it has a good rhyming scheme and it flows very nicely.
I like some of the similitude you have used:
I don't like this part:
I know what you mean but I don't really like the similitude you've used I think you could have compared time to something else, the word "ghost" diminishes what people really feel when they think about time, but bear in mind that that is just me.
This sentence is nice and I agree with it:
Overall nice poem
i really hope she does....
...Very good indeed..I love it and she would love it too,for sure...
..keep writing!..
Time
Time passes by like wind to me,
Unlocking future like a key,
Unseen by all but treasured most,
And sometimes feared much like a ghost
You cannot hear it like a chime,
Because this silent thing’s called time,
When wasted it does not return,
#FF0000 ">Not an easy thing to learn
#FF0000 ">Never lives, and never dies,
#FF0000 ">And present in all clocks it lies,
#FF0000 ">Heard by no one as I say,
#FF0000 ">Though present all throughout the day
#FF0000 ">Endings will not make it end,
#FF0000 ">Death would never make it bend,
#FF0000 ">Unhappy thoughts would go away,
#FF0000 ">Joy and endless time will stay.
it's an acrostic poem actually...
i did this for her but in a way so others won't notice
to those who've read my poem....
if you read the first letters from the bottom going up, you'll spot the dedication of this poem...
thanks for the comments..
I think this is a good poem. I like the tittle itself. Write more because I would love to read your writings.
Keep writing,
Alicia.
I just put in two suggestions in the top verse...
For your age, this is amazing
Keep writing!
Gero x
I just noticed that you are 13. Then it is very, very good for your age. I would say, it is exellent. I would never say that it was written by the boy at the thirteen age.
Continue to write, and try to develop your own writing style. I'm sure that you will succeed.
Do your best.
/Sofia/
I'm impressed. It's wonderful. I like the tropes, which you use. They reinforce the impression of this poem. The rhymes are very natural. This is a unique ability. People which have it are very few. Of course, everyone will be able to tell in a rhyme a few lines. But not everyone will do it beautifully and invest in this any meaning. I've always admired these people.
But there is one thing, that I don't like: I believe this poem is standard. I have seen your style of writing many times. May be it seems so only to me.
/Sofia/
To all who've read this...
the name of the inspiration of this poem is in itself...
look closely..
have fun!!