Dear William,
I am glad I got to spen thirteen years of my life with you. I remember the games we used to play when we were little, playing tag. But we'd grown out of that not long before you left. I knew that I'd probably never see you again. Oh, William, how right I was. I just long for another long, brotherly hug from you. To see you smile at me and tease me about my boyfriend again. I long to hear your long, deep laugh. It hurts, Will, it hurts. After you left for war, my brother, I was all alone, no one to talk to. Mom was always at work and dad lives far away. Will, I miss you, I miss your sense of humor and I miss walking with you and talking with you. Will, you are brave, and I'm so proud of you. I couldn't ask for a better brother, you were always there for me. When I needed help on math, you were there for me. Will, I can't tell you how much I've missed you -- how the pain of your loss grows deeper every day. William, meet me in Heaven. I love you, big brother, and I miss you.
Love,
Jenna
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi, Gumball.
Stay strong, dear. And I'll see you around YWS!
This is a very moving and beautiful piece. I'm sorry to hear that this truly happened, but the way you ended in pessimism (meeting him in heaven) lifted the spirits in a sad yet happy way. I'm proud of you for staying strong, dear. <3
So as a piece! It's beautiful and emotional and so lovely. I think this could have been longer and more personal, however. To move the reader, it would require setting up the emotion, enforcing the emotion, and then resolving the piece in however you want the reader to feel when leaving the piece.
The set up was pretty good. I like how you threw in some memories. I wish they were a little longer, maybe personal stories rather than just "the time we played ball." "The time we played ball and I threw your basketball with Michael Jordan's signature on it into the swamp" would be a more personal story. It not only gives an idea who the relationship, but it also gives insight as to the two characters involved (in this case, you and your brother).
Moving along, the middle is lovely. I get touched when people mention the voices of their lost, male loved ones since I have lost a very close male relative of my own. He wasn't a brother, but we were close, and I did the same thing in my own memoir of him. So it hits me. xD
It's when you start saying "Will" at the beginning of every sentence. That gets repetitive and rushed at the same time. The reader can already tell this isn't going to go anywhere by the time they finish, so they lose interest and detach from it while agreeing it's still a sad story. Nah. Bring 'em in! Let them enter your life and understand just what you're feeling, what position you're in right now. Touch them in their hearts. More memories, more stories, more feelings. Not just simple statements. Nein! More emotion.
You have some very sweet moments. I think the piece itself is just too simple for what it could potentially be. It could develop into an extremely emotional, deep, personal letter that could present not only the extent of their relationship but the personalities of their characters. Maybe even their own mother! Or other side characters that would step in through memories you share. Put the reader in your shoes. Allow them to become you.
Very lovely piece, though.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
This is really deep and beautiful. Is it a real story of your life? It's so emotive, I had tears in my eyes just reading it.
This really got to me because that's a lot like how I feel about my brother: we spend a lot of time together and he was what made me do well in maths - now he's at Uni and sometimes it feels like I'll never see him again. This is beautiful and amazing and it fills me with sadness. I'm sorry you feel like this.
P.S. I got to the end of the letter and felt rather terrified because my name is Jenna!
Thank you! Yes, my brother did die in Afghanistan
:'( We were REALLY close! 
That IS weird!
~Jenna
I can't even imagine how that must be for you. If you ever want to talk, I'm here.