Anxiety

Hey GristleCharm,
It's review day, and it's MergSword here with a review!

Let's begin. I usually start out with memorable stanzas or memorable quotes that need there own comment.

My thoughts on anxiety: This barely even relates to the title and anxiety isn't mentioned until the end. You might as well call it Worry's Sake or Never Be Free because it has the same circumstance as Anxiety, they are all parts only mentioned once.

Wash my hands until they bleed, don't let the bacteria escape: Why would you exactly do that?

Anyway, one thing I do like is the realism and depression theme.
Good Job!

I don't quite get the satire in this, all I really see is the attempt to be edgy, to be completely honest. This doesn't float my boat like it does to other people because I honestly feel this treated the genre wrong. Cursing for the sake of cursing, bringing up sensitive material for the sake of bringing up the sensitive material, you know, all the same. It's all the same and it left me mighty unimpressed. I kind of felt disappointed? I don't know, don't try to take offense to what I say.

Also, you talk about anxiety but you beat it to the pulp without having any subtlety at all. I was not a big fan of that. I get the message, just not the delivery.

thanks.

I kinda get where this poem comes from, And to me this actually sounds like well Anxiety. Your thoughts are broken and all they do is focus on what can and or will most likely happen. Maybe though try to spell check.

faeces

Hi there Gristlecharm!

Ah, anxiety. Super fun, ain't it?

I like the first stanza. I think it works on some cliches of anxiety, but in an interesting way. I can almost hear that anxious inner voice going on.

The second stanza is, honestly, kind of boring. I don't feel like it really adds much to the poem.

Third stanza, we're back to some strong imagery, which is good, but a) again and brain don't really rhyme, so it looks painfully forced, and b) the grammar is kind of odd. I think if you change the third line to "Wonder if I've gone blind" or "Wonder if I'm going blind" would make more sense and connect this thought better with the past event (stepping in dog poop).

The fourth stanza brings up the oh-so-common image of the anxious person staying awake at night, but doesn't do much with it.

The last stanza brings up an interesting twist with "I used to be depressed", especially since a lot of people suffer from both depression and anxiety. However, I feel like the forced rhyming really cut this idea off. In general, I'm not a fan of rhyming poems unless it's done well, and I feel like it could be better here. I also find that the neat structure of a rhyming poem stands in contrast to the scattered brain you're trying to present.

I do think you have some interesting images going on here, which is good. I would love to see a better exploration of the idea of how depression turns into anxiety. Keep writing!

This is really dark and some of the lines don't really make sense. In the line "I trod in dog faeces again" Is that supposed to be faces? The first line in the second stanza doesn't really fit the rest of the poem. I know you were making a reference to the joker, but I would leave it out. In the last stanza the conclusion seems rushed. Why the internet dating refrence, again it doesn't really fit/

This poem did a very good job of describing anxiety. The rhyming was great, and the word choice was nice. You get a good idea of the point the poem is trying to make. I just have a few things I would change.
1. After the words "Well done" in stanza three, you might want to put a comma.
2. Maybe take out the word even on the last line of stanza 4. It helps the flow a bit and moves the poem along.
3. I think that the last line would be a bit better if you took out the word "that's" on the last line of stanza 5. That way, the two rhyming lines, Life's not my cup of tea/My thoughts on anxiety have about the same number of syllables.

I really liked this poem, and the stanzas are organized very well. Great job!