A quick and strange poem written for extra credit in my english class. It's meant to go slowly, to the beat of a metronome.
Attached below, since the fonts and colors are all changed and looks much better on Word. Thank you for any reviews~
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hello there.
I liked how you used different colors and fonts to really add some niftiness and emphasis. I like how you tried to put everything in tune with a clock. I've seen poetry written about clocks, but never have I seen one written like a clock before.
I agree with...er, someone up there...who said you might be relying too much on the colors. The colors are great--don't get me wrong. But I think that some of the words should be strengthened.
I also think that you should transition a little more smoothly from idea to idea.
But, that's all I've got. Just minor things. I really enjoyed the poem, and I also agree that the formatting looks wonderful. Keep up the good work!
Take care!
~Freyja
A nice original idea, and looks stunning. And it has dose have a nice kind of sound effect, a kind of ticking motion. The only real problem, is that you seemed to be not stretching your vocabulary enough... unless that's the effect your looking for? but a real great poem all the same- don't take my advice too seriously, because I'm definitely no expert. Keep up the good work.
Hi, Greyed!
I've always liked clocks and ticking as images. It reminds me of Poe for some reason.
Some of the longer lines you have there break the rhythm and don't fit in with the rest of the poem. I like the whole idea of the metronome, but by disturbing the rhythm you make it seem like you yourself weren't completely true to the theme. And that's sort of bad, since you want to make your readers feel and believe whatever you write. However, in order to do that, you need feel and believe it yourself first.
I liked the formatting, although I'm not too much of a fan of those colour changes. I've just never really got the colouring in poetry -- a poet should be able to paint with words only, without needing to use any special effects.
I also felt that nearer the ending the poem was starting to slip a bit on the clichéed side, what with all the breathing and silence and stuff. Considering that, I liked the beginning better.
And what would be better than poetry for extra credit?
Demeter
x
Hey there!
Like Matt said there's a strong reliance on font and colour. However in my opinion this is good. I think this shows a take of your own poetry. Something individual. What I will say though is it's lacking punctuation. I think if you're going to structure a poem like this you can't just rely on the reader to stop because there's a new line. This can create a confused fluency and I think it's important to edit this. What I'd suggest is sticking in more commas, some exclamation marks (but not to make it cheesy) and perhaps one or two periods/full-stops.
Hope this helps,
Ben
Hello!
The first thing that springs to my mind when reading this is that you're relying a lot on the font and colour of your poem, perhaps more than you should. It does look good, but your words should do the talking - they should express what you want to say without any fancy fonts or different colours. The changing of the font was quite distracting when I was reading, that I wasn't fully concentrating on what you were trying to say. I think you could make a similar effect by using italics here and there. I quite like the ending, but I would like it even more if it ended on "leave". I don't think "...silence..." adds much to it, but then I'm not a big fan of elipses in poetry. Apart from that, good work. I also like the first four lines because it made it seem like time is going very slowly for the narrator.
Hello!
I really liked this, I can see why you attached it, the formatting looks great by the way
I read it like a metronome as you said and I found that a couple of the lines couldn't be read all that well in that kind of style they were
It was the word tangle here that threw the rhythm a little bit. And this line
It had one to many syllables in here and it did break the rhythm a little.
Other than this though I loved it and I think your English teacher will as well. It is always a good idea to go for extra credit
Well Done,
Keep Writing
~Lydia
Hi Greyed!
First things first. I love you for having a D.Gray-Man character as your avvie
As for the poem, I thought it was lovely!
I'm not normally a fan for using fonts to create an effect instead of words. but I think you matched format and language neatly here.
The only thing I'm not to sure of, is the giant 'of' I feel it breaks up the metronome beat. It's too short and the font makes the reader pause, because it is an insignificant word, but the font and size but a large amount of emphasis on it.
Otherwise, this is great ^^ You're teacher will love it I'm sure.
Keep writing.
Kamas
Hey, I'm Erin.
I really like it, and the way you had used different fonts, made it very unique and fun to read. Though some of your fonts were a little too distracting, and took my focus away from what was really being said. I liked the over all flow of it, and actually read it a few times over again to absorb the entire meaning. My only actual complaints is that some of your fonts aren't all that appealing to the eye, it makes it hard to read at parts. I don't think it was too bad and since that is my only complant I think you are a real good poet. Keep up the writing, and if any questions or comments just ask. Some times others just don't understand. Look forward to reading more of your work.