Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
It all started a long time ago around the '90s when a kid around the age of 11 aivan was relaxing with his family but the thing is his family's reputation was known for them always saying that they were always a superior species to other humans. one day aivan was eating with his family during dinner once again while his family was eating luxurious food he was eating rotten food and he had started to feel one of the seven sins and that's sin was envy. finally he snapped saying that he was the one that was better than every human and that made his parents also snap causing them to grab crosses and it hit him with them even stabbing aivan to sadly pass away. by the time he woke up he woke up in hell he looked around not understanding why he would possibly go there but then he realized for a second in his life he had committed one of the seven sins and that sin was pride as the devil raised up his weapon the devil tortured him for so many years it's been so bad that for some reason the devil felt like out of all the people he could torture he would give aivan the worst torture that he's done to anybody. As the devil did it for many years but by the time the devil took a break just to mess with aivan sat there emotionless because of him being tortured so much it caused him to completely be hollow him to completely be hollow. I'll release chapter 2 soon
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hi hello!
Is the lack of capitalization a stylistic choice?
Wanted to drop by with a review and my very first advise is: make paragraphs. A long text like this is very hard to read
I do feel like you have sentences that are on the too-long side and you might want to look into a grammar guide on where to place commas
That said, I’m a bit confused about the narration. So the family is being prideful but feed Avian only rotten food… or is that the first time they do that and why is there no real comment on it? I am so lost! Things are happening a bit too fast so it feels hard to keep track of all the things happening in rapid succession.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the spooky S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - I am pulled into the rather creepy title “The vessel of the sin nothing”, where it tells of a kid named Aivan (or is it Avian?) who lives with a family that thinks they are superior to all other humans. Aivan gets fed rotten food while his family eats fresh food and so, Aivan snaps and says he’s the superior human. Things escalate quickly and then, Aivan is sent to Hell!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I like the idea in this story, but I feel like it could be fleshed out more to give the characters more life and personality. I’d love to hear more about Aivan!
Chocolate Bar - I do like how the kid ends up in Hell and not the parents just for getting mad at them, it’s kind of sad that the parents didn’t get sent there when they believed themselves to be superior to other humans as well, but I think it adds to the horror of this story. And the Devil tormenting Aivan the most is not making things any better…in a good way.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely short and horrific chapter. I would like to hear more about the characters but I think that will come in the other chapters. I’ll be sure to read the second chapter when it is posted and so…
I wish you a wondrous day/night! ^v^
Thank you for the support creeperfeverdreams I am very happy for you to say a few comments that are nice I am okay with a few people saying rude stuff about my grammar I'm improving that since I am busy with school sometimes and normally it autocorrects so I will focus on the story really soon and I will try giving you guys more context of what I was going to type and what I'm going to type soon