People will tell children to always respect their parents,
but they don’t always hold or earn the respect needed.
Mothers do not always care!
They do not always hold them close and
give their child the love they need.
They only think about themselves-
without a care in the world.
Fathers do not always care,
nor are they always in your life.
They can blink in and out-
like the mirage you see on the road during summer.
Their children go through life feeling unwanted, unloved.
Nothing can make them feel like they matter.
They think that their parents just had them and
that they don’t want them anymore.
Life seemed to be like this for me.
Nothing was the same once I learned the truth.
My “Mother” was given the chance to be in my life-
she never took the chance.
My “Father” had never had the chance to be in my life-
he had been unable to do so anyways.
My mom was the one who gave me the knowledge
to make me who I am at this moment.
My dad was the one who gave me the things I needed
to get me to where I am now.
I may technically have two families,
but my true family is the one who adopted me.
My birth family may be my family by blood,
But nothing they have done has made me consider them family.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
Hello again, Tulip!
Keep it up!
So, seeing as all the grammatical nitpicks have been pointed out, it's up to me to review content!
Now, firstly, this poem seems a little harsh on mothers who give their children up for adoption. Some mothers can't support the child, or can't give them the life that they want to. They think there's a better chance for them in the orphanage. Not all of them are only thinking about themselves, although that is true in some cases, when they just don't want their child. I think you should dispose of your absolute words in this poem, or clarify that it's not all of the mothers who are like that.
That being said, I can definitely feel the emotion you put in this poem, I expect because it's such a personal subject to you. I totally agree with you that you don't have to be related to your family for them to be family. Love is what counts, not the genes.
As others said, the simile with the mirage was great, and totally understandable.
Overall, good imagery and use of poetic devices, and fantastic content and emotions! You're quite a writer!
Timmy here for a review!!
It was tough getting here. Nargals stopped me on the road! I barely survived to tell the tale...
Nitpicks first, as usual!
I think here I am confused, and its how you worded everything which gave me that... See the two bolded parts? I think if you flipped those around, and put the last first, it would make everything more clear to your reader--me.
You need to clarify in those lines that "some" mothers are like that... Not all of them.
Man, that "had never had" sounds very rough on the tongue... Maybe pull out the first "had"?
Comments and stuff
Did this really happen to you? Sounds like your life was a mess for a while until someone found you that actually cared. That actually put your life ahead of their own. I am glad you have someone there for you now.
This poem was more like a story to me... written in poem format. I found that I liked that formatting, though. It was quite nice and flowed quite beautifully. Kudos on that!!
Sorry this review is so short... I am having time issues. Next one will be normal length, I promise.
~Darth Timmyjake
Hi there!
), and I think a couple thrown here or there in this would be good.
Overall - I thought this poem was great.
I'm going to put a little more emphasis on what moment said, though, and that's using metaphors. Metaphors sound amazing and beautiful when used in a poem correctly (I'm not good at them myself, but I'm saying it anyways
Besides that, I thought this piece of poetry was written nicely. First of all, you stared your opinion, and it was pretty obvious. It wasn't hard to make out, which is sometimes a problem with poetry. Second, the emotion in here was spectacular! I never really thought of adoption and birth much . I do, sometimes, but not everyday of my life.
This is a really good poem!
WillowPaw1~
I really like the comparison with the mirage, but you could shape the sentence better ('during summer' seems clumsy). Perhaps: 'like the mirage you see on the summer road' or 'like the mirage you see on hot asphalt'. I would also make 'They think that their parents just had them and that they don’t want them anymore.' into 'They think their parents just had them and they don’t want them anymore.' I believe you wanted to say that your 'father' didn't have the chance to be in your life nor did he try, but you wrote it a little clumsily (My “Father” had never had the chance to be in my life-he had been unable to do so anyways.). I suggest something like this: 'My “Father” had never had the chance to be in my life-and so he hasn't.' or 'My “Father” had never had the chance to be in my life-nor did he try.'
I don't know if it's your style, but you could use more metaphores or at least comparisons like the on with the mirage.