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Young Writers Society


12+

The Necklace.

by GreenLight24


Author's Note: Hey, YWS'ers. Here's another one of my old "fanfic" poems about Azula from ATLA set some time before her collapse...although these r "fan-fiction" technically they are conceptually understandable even if u haven't ever hear of an Azula or watched AtLA. But if ya did, this'll be right up ur alley. :) Enjoy!

The Necklace.

It's so hard, Mother.

I have to keep steady,

I have to be firm.

But how?

The poor girl; my friend.

I made her leave the circus.

I burned the net.

Me.

They all fear me.

They don't love me?

The people, Mai, Ty Lee...

Why should they?

I burn things.

I yell.

I carry on.

I cry so much, Mother.

They don't see me.

They don't know.

They can't know.

I won't let them.

What's this?

I lift it from the drawer.

It shines; made from the finest silver.

A bold red ruby fills the pendant's center.


The necklace!

My birthday necklace.

From Lady Tao.

From your tea club.

She sent it here, to Ba Sing Se.

All for me.

All for me?


It's feels cold around my neck.

So unnatural...so...forced.

"Beautiful things for beautiful daughters.", you said.

"Dishonor and disgrace for destructive hearts.", you said.

It torments me.

It mocks me.

"I will not be mocked!"

I pull, but it won't let go.

"Don't cry!", I tell myself.

I'm much too weak to listen...



A peasant's tears fill my eyes.

Pathetic.

They're golden; just like yours.

But they're evil, Mother.

They're hateful.

They're red.

They're wet.

The eyes of a...

Monster.

"Stop this crying!", I scream.

I can't. Too weak. Too scared.

I look into the mirror; the one that belonged to your mother.

My eyes are as red as the ruby.

It needs to come off.

"Snap!"

Off it comes.

Sparkling fragments of silver chain; scattered across the floor.

I look back into the mirror and...

Fresh red welts, where the necklace used to be.

And a lump in my throat.

Don't be angry, Mother.

The armor will hide them.

Nobody will know.

Nobody will see me.

But if you can hear me, Mother.

Why am I still crying?

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User avatar
425 Reviews

Points: 11417
Reviews: 425

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Mon Dec 09, 2013 6:27 pm
Nate wrote a review...



Hey Greenlight!

I think you did a great job with capturing the voice of Azula. She's not someone who's prone to self-examination, but when she does take a step back and look at herself for a moment, she's shown as someone who is truly insane and suffering from insecurity. Areas like this particularly sound like here:

It torments me.

It mocks me.

"I will not be mocked!"


I can definitely picture her saying that last line.

But there are other times when I'm not sure it totally sounds like her. For example, she refers to Tai Lee as her friend and seems to regret making her leave the circus, and I'm not sure she really feels that way on both counts.

Regarding the poem itself, I think you did a good job with this. Even without knowing who Azula is, I think most people would walk away from this poem knowing that she's a tormented person. You do a great job in showing that through the piece.




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68 Reviews

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Reviews: 68

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Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:16 am
Archer wrote a review...



So I'm kind of torn about this piece.

The poem itself is alright, I think. It flows fairly well, and as a view inside the mind of a psychopath, it does work alright. There are a few things I'd change though.

"Stop this crying!", I scream.


I wouldn't say 'I scream.' It's already implied by the exclamation mark.

It's feels cold around my neck.


Need to get rid of the apostrophe and the 's.'

So unnatural...so...forced.


Instead of using ellipses, consider using an em dash (—) in place of the first, and removing the second altogether.

In any case, I think if you proofread this poem, you'll catch a lot of the errors. The reason I'm torn, though, is that the narrator is Azula, and I don't think this poem really captures her.

Azula is an unrepentant psychopath. She does occasionally show small glimmers of humanity within her (and it's quite possible she shows much more when no one is looking), but she is always supremely self-confident. Yet this poem shows her as insecure, doubtful, and scared, which are all characteristics I'd never associate with Azula.




GreenLight24 says...


Thanks a lot for this review! ;) I literally just copy pasted this from an old account i had on another site from two years ago lol. But yes, now that I look at it, this could totally use some proofreading.

Thanks for ur insight on Azula's character. I see what you're getting at with the contrasts between this Azula and the one portrayed in the show. My goal was to show just how different her real self was. (in my opinion of course) Like, the insecure girl hidden behind the titles, power, and feigned confidence,etc. My belief is that the outward manifestation of Azula that we're shown in the series is her best attempt at hiding the woeful truth from the world and herself.




A Prince of Darkness Is a Gentleman
— William Shakespeare