Published December 15, 2010
OK, this is something I wrote absolutely ages ago, but I was just wondering what other people thought of it. I've written better stuff since then I need to put up when i get the chance, but i just want to know what you think of this. I accept any feedback as long as it's not just an insult but critical. 
My heart is torn in two
I think I love you
You’re just a friend
Why can’t you love me too?
He asks me out
And I say yes
But deep inside
I know it’s to hide from you
When he holds me
I dream of your arms
When he kisses me
I wish for your lips
He says he loves me
But I want it to be you
You see us out together
And all you do is smile
You don’t wish to be him
Like I wish to be her
I don’t know how much more
I can take before I crack open
And break down in tears
And tell you the truth
When he holds me
I dream of your arms
When he kisses me
I wish for your lips
He says he loves me
But I want it to be you
I want it to be you
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Honestly I loved it. It was great and I could toltally relate.
Great job!
Hi there!
The thing that I think of when I read this piece is "I know the feeling." The wishes you express are universal, so in my review, I aim to try to show you how to make your expression of these wishes stand out above other similar cries.
First off, punctuation is always good to have in poetry. There are only a few instances where punctuation falls second to poetic license, so go ahead and add periods, commas, colons, dashes, and whatever else you can think of where they belong.
My second suggestion is a stylistic one; your lines are pretty short and choppy, and they just flow from one little idea to the next. Try combining lines and adding punctuation to experiment how it helps the flow. "When he holds me, I dream of your arms" is a more complete thought on one line than it is on two, if that makes sense.
The third suggestion cuts to the core of poetry itself: imagery. You do a lot of telling in this poem, but I think the emotions could be expressed in a creative way using simile, metaphor, personification, etc. By adding an image to these feelings, your poem will stand out as an excellent description of this situation instead of an average one.
Thanks for sharing this piece! As is, it's a fine poem. Hopefully, my suggestions are constructive and can help you make it sparkle. Keep on writing, and PM me if you have any questions!