Far Away

(Please do not take it personal)

This poem is way too simple. Try adding some metaphors and more descriptive language to make the reader interested. The most important thing in poetry is to grab the readers attention like straight away with the language you use.

But I understood the poem and it wasn't that bad so keep up the good work and keep writing!

Okay! becky here for a quickie review.
(Please do not take it personal, I just like to tell people straight
off what exactly they should know about especially what they are lacking
in their work. This will definitely help you.)
This poem you constructed is very simple. And I do mean simple
as in way simple. You could you know...had some spice and
sugar to that poem. Well it kind of sounded like a super short story.
This could have been much pleasing to the hear and compelling if
had added some rhymes and vocabularies that give emotions and more detailed
descriptions to make a mood in the poem.
But you did have quite a good idea of a interesting moving story
behind this poem. The thing is you gave away too much to the reader.
Try holding some things back and make it quite mysterious and compelling
that the reader will absorb the poem with moods and emotion and rhythm to keep
the poem moving.
But it was quite a good start there.
By the way, welcome to Young Writers Society.
You will eventually learn new stuff here. Great stuff. This site will develop you
and help you become a confident writer so keep constructing and publishing your works
for there are a lot of writers out here eager to review more.

Cheers!

*alarm sounding off* It's tiiiiimmmeeee for a review!!!

Okay, first off, I want to say that I read the comments below before starting to write this so I don't repeat anything and give you the best advice/ideas, whatever it is as I can. I'm coming to a disagree/agree with myself to the length of the poem. I feel like if it was longer, it could have more explanation to if it is long distance, but I sort of like the shortness of it because it leaves the reader being thirsty for more. What does the girl look like? How far away is she? Get what I mean? So that's totally up to you. But if you do keep it short I would suggest some more detail or descriptive words to make it stand out.

I know this is not a long distance relationship, but I'm in one, and the distance really sucks. So reading this it reminds me of myself and my troubles.
Especially this "I cry thinking about her/so close yet far away"
I would suggest to make the distance come off as an impossible obstacle that no matter what you do you cannot pass it unless you're together. Really try and tug the heart strings of the reader.

"love is difficult" what a great line. I don't know if it was planned this way but I totally think this is just a straight up kick in the chest. It's straight to the point and I believe it shouldn't be all "awww love is hard wah wah wah" you did a great job of just sticking it out there.

To go back to the beginning of the poem, I think its very short and tasteful. But could use a little more spice to flavor up the idea of setting yourself different from other love poems. Such as making the emotions you feel to be easily conveyed.

Overall I love the idea you've got going here. It could be super unique if you just tweak a few things. Looking forward to seeing a new draft of this possibly and other writing from you!

I think this poem requires a little more, no doubt, the writing is amazing, but maybe a few more stanzas of description

Hey, I really loved this poem and thought you'd like some feedback on it;
So it's really great with the very vague and profound distance thing, but maybe add a bit more leading up to the end, show the emotions that made her so far away.

Hey there, care for a review?

I really loved this poem! It's simplistic nature, yet deeper meaning was what made it so enjoyable to read. I've always loved short poems, with a deeper emotional concept behind them. I will only say that, I'm a bit torn about the meaning. My assumption is that it's about a long distance relationship, but I'm not certain of that. Could you clarify? But yeah, other than that, I love this! I hope to read more of your work soon!