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E - Everyone

Human Shell

by GrayButterfly


I watched her sitting there vacant and expressionless. An emotionless apathetic corpse staring into the grey void of the lunch table. Glazy eyes and a homeless spirit, I would’ve thought Taylor’s heart didn’t exist. That is, if I didn’t see her eyes power up her system. She would blink and she would look around as if to get used to her surroundings. She would smile up at her friend, and they would continue eating lunch.

My suspicion: she was from a different planet. I can back this up too! Every other day I sit at a table across from her small posse and I listen. Behind the empty gossip and meaningless jokes, I see her just sitting there. There were many options, but one stands out as most urgent. She was analyzing the stupid conversations and secrets and reporting back to home base. ‘But what would aliens want to do with a bunch of teenagers?’ I hear you ask. I’ll tell you exactly. We are the future of America, and they’re targeting us, I swear.

And there’s another thing. On my drive home from swim, I saw her contacting her home planet! I’m not lying! It was a setup for the average eyes, but as you can clearly see I’m above average. She was sitting outside the Williams’ house on a blanket and let out one big vicious sneeze (“allergies” they say,) but the truth is this: her extraterrestrial body was never properly exposed to grass. Anyways, she was tapping away on a tablet, and I knew exactly what her kind was hiding. I caught her in the act!

I pulled over, walked right on up to her and said, “Hey Taylor, what are you doing?”

She hesitated-- sure sign of lies.

“Um, drawing, why would you--” she said with a twisted face, and sighed. “Nice bike, but I think my allergies are acting up. I’ll see you later.”

“I know what you are!” if only I could sway her.

She stood up and waved away as she walked through the Williams’ front door. Maybe my human confidence scared her away.


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392 Reviews


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Reviews: 392

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Sun Dec 30, 2018 5:43 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi Shikora here with a review.

This was a really good story, i really liked reading it. I really like the name to this story, it was a really good fit. When I first saw the name i wondered what it meant but now I understand. If you ask me i think this would be a really good long story. This was like a really good plan for a story.
The description in this work was really good. I had a really good image in my head as I read. It was really nice that you started out the story by just jumping right into the plot you had planned.
I also like the way you described the characters in the story, your really good at that. I had a really clear image in my head.
As i read through this story I wondered how it's going to end, but when I got to the end of the story, you kind made it so we could come up with our own ending. But there is nothing wrong with that.

So that's all from me, I hope you have a great day/night, and never stop writing. I really liked reading and reviewing this for you.

Your friend
Shikora.

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Thanks for the review :)





Your welcome.



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446 Reviews


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Reviews: 446

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Wed Dec 12, 2018 6:46 am
Rascalover wrote a review...



Hey!

This is a very interesting short story. It kind of reminded me of Invader Zim that use to be on Nickelodeon. It's a nineties cartoon, if you weren't sure what I was referencing. I only caught a few grammar mistakes that I can point out.

For example:
"She would blink and she would look around as if to get used to her surroundings." I think there should be a comma after and because you are combining two complete sentences. Or I'm at least a little sure that She would blink is a complete sentence.

"‘But what would aliens want to do with a bunch of teenagers?’ I hear you ask." "And there’s another thing." We shouldn't start sentences with conjunctions, words like and or but, and when we do there should be a comma after them for a natural pause.

"Anyways, she was tapping away on a tablet, and I knew exactly what her kind was hiding. I caught her in the act!" This part kind of confused me. I don't know what the main character caught her doing but typing on a tablet, and how did they catch her in the act? What is her kind hiding? How did your main character get all of that from her typing on a tablet?

"“I know what you are!” if only I could sway her." I think the letter I in the word if should be capitalized.

That's all that I could find. I am excited to see more of your work, and if you ever need anything let me know. Thanks for the great read,
Rascalover






Thanks so much :D I do love Invader Zim, and I didn't even think about it when I created this lol. Thanks for the review and critiques :)




The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
— Groucho Marx