Sage was on the edge. The only thing that could calm her down on nights like these was running. She enjoyed the raw feel of her feet on the pavement, the way her chest felt tight as she gasped for breath. How beautiful she felt as her brown hair flew behind her. She liked the sound of music booming in her ears, how the heavy bass of her workout playlist would seem almost as if it were radiating from her heart rather than her earbuds.
So as she ran on the cracked sidewalk, Sage Meyers felt better than she had in a long time.
Sweat dripped down her face and onto her chest. She was running faster than she ever had. But even as she ran, as her playlist ran out of songs, the doubt was creeping back into her mind. She brought her fingers up to her face to wipe the moisture from under her eyes but whether it was sweat or tears remained unclear.
Tonight
The word sprung into her head. Despite the doubts she'd been having, this one word had a commanding feel to her. She knew what she had to do, she just didn't know if she was brave enough.
Sage ran to the entrance of her subdivision, looking across the pitch black road as cars raced past, only their headlights visible on the moonless night. Although it was warm, the draft from the cars raced over her skin and sent shivers down her spine.
This is it, Sage thought, her adrenaline pumping. It all ends now
And then she shut her eyes, hitting play on a random song and feeling the notes wash over her. Sage ran into the road, her eyes closed. She heard nothing but the music blaring in her ears and the distant sound of a horn as the car and her body made impact.
And then, less than five minutes later, Sage Meyers was dead.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...quite a powerful prologue this one, depicting a very sad scene here to get things started for this story, and well, it is pretty clear what the main focus of this story here is going to end up being.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay.....well considering the title of this story here this is a lot more happy of a start than I was expecting to run into. At any rate, this was certainly a very neat opening here, just someone that's enjoying and relaxing doing something that they love, trying to calm down and just having a peaceful evening running around. So, well, off to a pretty solid looking start here, let's see where its headed I suppose.
Okay....that's not a good sign there..tears slowly starting to appear in the back of her eyes...well, the happiness appears to almost be some sort of small illusion here, its just slowly being stripped away there...I especially love how the songs run out, that really indicates something is changing and things are turning towards a darker side here...oh dear....where can this be headed?
Oh dear, coupled with the title, a command like that one, especially with her questioning whether she's brave enough to go through with said command is definitely sounding like something terrible is about to happen in the very near future here, and ahh....well...it is inevitable with this title I suppose.
Well, you can clearly tell that she's trying to overcome a bit of nervousness and fear here, and the place that she is currently standing on will lead to a terrible ending to this prologue here. I do love how you really managed to convey the feelings that she's going through there as she's preparing herself to do what comes next...the shivers on a warm night are a lovely touch here.
Well, that is a terrible sad ending there, but, also a very fitting ending for the sort of thing that you'd expect to find in the prologue of a story with that sort of title. Well, well, we are off to quite a sad start, and this one definitely makes you want to read on and see if there's any further explanation as to what lead to all of this and what's going on here...
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, certainly an intriguing start here...certainly something that would make you read on to find out more. Aaand well, that's about all that I've gotta say for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
The first thing that drew me to your story was the title: it's clever because it certainly intrigues the possible reader and encourages them to read it.
The way you have written this prologue is intense, emotional and rather suspenseful! It's brilliant! Ending a character's life so soon makes it all the more an interesting read because I'm feeling curious as to what lead to Sage's suicide, which I'm guessing is where the diary comes in.
It's a great way to begin your story, my friend, and I'm definitely going to continue reading it!
Wow, I love this! It is very intriguing to the reader. It makes me want to keep reading to find out what led up to Sage's death or what resulted after her death.
The emotion and the tone is raw. I can tell it's genuine and you put a lot of your own emotions or feelings into it.
I like the idea of running, because it can lead to anything. It also creates great imagery.
Grammatically, I don't believe there's anything wrong with the piece. Nothing flashed red lights in my eyes, so excellent job!
I haven't read the first chapter you posted yet, but I certainly will after reading this! Now, assuming by the title, you will employ some sort of diary in the novel. I think that's a good idea, and I'm yearning to know more about Sage. This prologue is the perfect way to grab your reader's attention right off the bat.
One small thing is I would add a period after "Tonight" and "It all ends now." That's about it for my nitpicking! Trust me, there's usually a lot more of it ha ha!
Keep on writing, and I can't wait to read more of your works. I will review the first chapter as well, and I hope you decide to continue this story.
I can't help but think that I've read this before. It may be a de ja vu moment, but it may not be. I'm not entirely sure. But here's my thoughts; beautifully written, nonetheless poignant. There could have been more to this (I have yet to read chapter one, so I could be wrong on this one), such as why she wanted to kill herself, why she wanted it to end. The feelings of depression, the rush of the highs and lows. The lowest of the lows, her past - everything. I'd like to get into this girl's head.
But I also noticed for the thoughts in italics that there was no punctuation at the end. Is this intentional? I think there should be two more periods in there.
The one thing I'm asking now is, why? Mainly, I'm asking why she killed herself, but I'm also asking, perhaps, why she felt so energized. Perhaps that's just what it feels like to be on the verge of suicide. I'm not happy that she killed herself, but I want to read on, just to find out why. I care about her already. You've done such a good job of capturing my emotions.
Maybe that's easy to do with me, but in any case, this is truly well-written. The word choice and grammar are excellent.
~Songmorning
Wow, wow, wow.
Hey, Will here.
That is simply amazing. Your writing flows so well, your language choice is amazing. Even the impact scene is beautiful. I want you to continue with this - please.
The few things I would suggest would be to firstly, put a full stop after 'Tonight' and secondly, you may want to consider deleted the last sentence - just for impact. Although, honestly, you've already created such an impact on the reader's mind.
Will look forward for more!
-willachilles
The name of your story piqued my interest, but now you have my attention haha
Good opening - I'm really curious as to what happens next. I assume after this we find out what led up to these events.
The setting was set fairly well, it was a solid opening. You describe the surroundings, her mental state, and just the overall tone very well.
The one gripe I'd have are the periods missing behind her thoughts.
I await more.
Good job,
Panther.
Hello Gravity,
Wow. Please, please, please continue with this story!
In such a short piece, you have already captured my attention so completely. As a reader, this prologue raises so much prominent questions! I already can't wait to find out what happened to Sage, why did she resort to such an end? I think following her trail of thought in those last few moments are an amazing insight into such a tense and emotional event, but one made so simple while remaining incredible.
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, and I implore you to tell us Sage's story, I assure you, you already have at least one member of a captive audience!
Hi Gravity!
This is Eros here!
This was awfully thrilling to read.It created such a beautiful effect.It was a wonderful job!I am really amazed by your short ,little sweet story.Knowingly or unknowingly, even the violence in the form of the suicide and other things seemed really sweet.YOu have the art and talent to write everything so sweetly.I love your writing.It captures my heart.
Continue writing.We all love to read your dramatic teen fictions.Dramatic?It seems realistic.It has got a touch and effect of reality!