Note: If you have not read parts 1 and 2, you will not understand anything in this story. If you're reading this for gore, you will be disappointed. There is a little bit, but this part is basically just wrapping up the story. I hope you enjoy it.
The police question me at around 8 in the morning. I'm tired, I'm depressed and I'm pissed off. The last thing I want to do is be interrogated. Once I make it very clear that no, I am not the murderer and no, I don't know who is, I eat breakfast and take a shower.
The shower helps. I enjoy the feel of the hot water running over my body. It feels good to get the sweat and tears off of me. I can't help but think about Jack. So I lay down in the tub in fetal position, and I yell until my voice is hoarse and the water is cold. Mom doesn't check on me. I think she understands what I'm going through.
I'm determined to find Jack's killer. So I put on clothes and sneakers, and I head for his house. When Mom asks where I'm going, I tell her I'm going out. She nods and walks away. I never told her about the note etched in Jack's back. I knew that if I had, she wouldn't have let me leave the house. Regardless, I need to know who killed him.
It's humid outside. The air is warm and muggy. There are clouds in the sky. It's one of those days when you can't really see the individual clouds, so the whole sky looks gray. I take off at a steady jog. It's better if people around the neighborhood just think I'm jogging mindlessly to distract myself. I see people staring curiously at me as I pass them. They've heard about my boyfriend's murder.
When I get to Jack's house, there are police guarding it and assuring people that everything will be all right. Yellow Caution tape is draped all around the house. I turn the corner. I'm so glad Jack has a corner house. I walk carefully to the side of Jack's house. There is a tree outside of his window, I climb it. Once I'm on the highest branch, I go to Jack's window and I peek inside. No one is in there. The detectives must have finished gathering evidence this morning. Even so, I'm thankful that it won't look suspicious if they find my hairs in his room since I'm over there so often.
I open the window, and carefully climb in. I look in the room for anything that might tell me who the killer is. My eyes fall on the picture of Jack and I, the same one I have in my room. I pick up the picture. That's when I see it. There's a jellybean behind the photo. How did that get there? I think. Then it hits me. The killer may have picked up the photo. If the killer had tortured Jack and replaced his eyes with jellybeans after he was dead, the he could've picked up the photo and looked at it. If the killer had jellybeans in his hands... he may have dropped one. I know it's unlikely, but it's very possible. If that is what happened, whoever killed Jack would've been interested in our relationship. Maybe Jack was killed because he was dating me. If he was killed because of that though, why not sooner? And why wasn't I first?
The same person that killed Jack and his parents also killed his neighbor. Jack never mentioned the neighbor that lived next to him. I wonder what the link could be. They have to have something in common.
I put the picture back in place, and I climb down the tree. I walk around the front of the house. The cops are still there. I walk up the path to the neighbors house. The cops stare at me, and seem to take a mild interest. I knock on the door.
A middle aged man with brown hair and brown eyes opens the door. He is fit, but not a body builder. He isn't tall, but isn't short. Overall, he's not very memorable.
"Hi, my name is John Hall. I am-" I pause. "Well, before Jack, your neighbor, died... I was his boyfriend. Can I come in?" The man has bags under his eyes, and he is wearing all black. He nods and opens the door. I step inside. The place is neat. I see pictures of the man and someone else together. I can tell that the other person in the photo is the owner of the head we had found in Jack's locker the day before.
"I'm Greg. What can I do for you?"
"I was wondering. Is the man in the photo your life partner?" He nods. What if they were both murdered for being gay? There are tons of gay people in this neighborhood, though. Why would only these people be targeted? "What was his name?" I ask.
"Albert." He says.
"Greg, I think that my boyfriend and your partner were murdered for the same reason. They were definitely murdered by the same person. Jack's parents were also killed. So why kill Jack's parents too?" He shrugged.
"I don't know. I really don't have time to worry about this. Albert is dead. I love him, and I want to know who the killer is. But I think he would've wanted me to get on with my life and move on. I have to go to work in a little bit, anyway. Thanks, John, for stopping by." I nod and leave.
When I exit the house, a familiar car pulls up. It's my Dad's. He rolls down the window."I figured you might be here. John, it's time to go home." He says. I'm shocked. He hasn't said a word to me in... well I don't remember the last time he spoke to me. I get in the car. My Dad starts to drive. Except, he isn't driving home.
"Dad, where are we going? I thought you were taking me home." I say. This is weird. It's not like my Dad to spontaneously decide to go somewhere and not tell me.
"Did I say I was taking you home?" He asks. "I thought I said I was taking you to the bank. Your mom likes having a little cash in the house. I figured I'd go get some. She also thought you might like to know that Jack's funeral is in a month. The police called and said they are releasing his body in about two weeks. It's going to take a little time for his relatives to come down and make plans." I'm surprised. This was unlike my Dad. He normally doesn't say this much. I'm surprised he even knows anything about Jack's funeral, or that he cares. He never supported the fact that we were together.
We are in the car for twenty minutes, when I realize that something is wrong. He passed two Wells Fargo banks. I wonder where he is taking me. I'm getting a little nervous at this point. Why would my Dad lie to me? We have never been close. Especially after I told my parents how much I cared about Jack. But he's never lied to me, before. So why would he now?
We go outside of the city limits and drive. There's a dirt road on the right. I wouldn't even know it was there if my Dad hadn't pulled into it. Surprise Camping Trip? I think nervously to myself. But I know it can't be true. Something is horribly, horribly wrong.
"Get out of the car." My Dad says.
"Why?" He doesn't answer. He just gets up and slams his door shut. My Dad wouldn't have any reason to hurt me. Again, we aren't very close. But I know that deep, deep, deep down, he really does love me. So I get up and gently shut my door. I follow my Dad down a rough path. It eventually opens into a clearing.
In the clearing, there is a sheet spread over the dirt. There is a card table on the sheet, and a longer table just beyond that. On top of the card table is a chain saw, a bag of jellybeans, and an arrangement of various knives. I see the jellybeans, and I can feel the heat rush out of my face. Is my Dad the killer?
On top of the longer table is something covered with yet another sheet. It looks like a person, except... no head. My Dad stands quietly to the side. Not doing or saying anything. I look towards the longer table, and then back at him. He nods at me. I quietly approach the table. I lift the sheet.
I see a body without a head. I'm not surprised. The body must be Albert's. The skin around the hands and feet is blackened and burned. The smell of Albert's body is unbearable. The flesh around the neck is in tatters, and there is blood everywhere. I can see a piece of his spine sticking out of his neck and I cringe.
I turn around to find my Dad, only to see that he is standing behind me with the chainsaw in his hand.
"Dad? What are you doing?" I know exactly what he's doing. He's going to kill me. I try to keep my voice and my breath even. I know that if I start to panic, I won't be able to formulate a decent plan.
"Do you know why I killed Jack, his parents and Albert?" He asks me. There's no point in denying it now. He killed them. I shake my head. He continues to talk.
"I killed them, because they are abominations of our world. We are not supposed to have romantic relationships with people of the same gender. It's not natural. 'If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them.'" He quotes the bible. Unbelievable.
"What verse is that?" I ask, trying to distract him. If I could just think of something.
"Leviticus. Chapter 20 verse 13. I tried to warn you, John. I began with Albert. I tried to send a warning first. Then it was Jack and his parents. I really didn't want to have to kill you too."
"Why not kill Greg, then?" I ask. "And why would you also kill Jack's parents. They never did anything wrong. And what about all of the other gays?" Now I'm genuinely curious for answers.
"Greg isn't actually homosexual. The way he reacted to Albert's death was almost relief. He was confused, and too much of a coward to leave Albert. Greg's been cheating on Albert this whole time with another woman. As for Jack's parents, they've always been supportive of you and Jack. How dare they try to parent my own son! As for everyone else, I'm more worried about my own son. I wanted to make an example of one of those faggots and see if you caught on. But you didn't, I thought I raised you to be smarter than that." This made sense to me. There was one more thing.
"Why did you use jellybeans?" I ask him. He chuckles.
"I thought you would've figured it out, John," He says brandishing the chain saw. "The biggest symbol for a gay is a rainbow. You see nothing but faggots. Faggots faggots everywhere." He smiles, and it's the most creepy grin I've ever seen in my lifetime. "It's your turn, John." He says. I turn to run away from him. I've let him talk for too long. I got too caught up in my curiosity. He seizes me by the shoulder and drops the chain saw. He uses his now free hands to shove away the body, and push me down on the table. I struggle and I try to resist, but it's no use. My own father is going to kill me.
He uses ropes to bind me to the table. But I have a plan. He leans over me to tie a rope around my chest. He smirks and continues tying the ropes. I gather up all the saliva I can and spit a huge glob of it in his face. He yells in disgust and drops the rope.
My waist is bound firmly to he table, but my hands are free. I use the heel of my hand to hit him hard in the nose, and he howls in pain. He clutches his nose, blood is running over his face. I try to untie the knot around my waist, but it's no use. So I suck in as hard as I can and try to shimmy out. My Dad has recovered, and he slaps me in the face. My cheek stings. Blood from his nose spurts all over me as he tries to bind me back to the table. He's attempting to tie down my arms. I brace myself, this is going to hurt.
I shove my head forward as hard as I possibly can. My forehead collides with the side of his head, and he collapses to the ground. I finish getting out of the rope that was tied around my waist, and jump down from the table. My Dad is trying to get up. I run to the card table. While I run, I pick up the chain saw, and throw it out of reach. I grab a knife from where my Dad has laid them all out so neatly.
I hear heavy footsteps behind me and I whirl around, the knife in my hand. I drive the knife into his thigh, and he collapses. After I pick up the ropes he used to try to tie me up, I restrict his hands and feet. But I'm not done with him yet.
I lay him on the dirt floor of the clearing. He is wiggling, trying to get away from me. Fury courses through me. I kick him swiftly in the ribs.
"That's for killing Jack!" I say. He will pay for what he did. I kick him even harder in the stomach.
"That's for killing his parents!"
"And THAT is for killing Albert and making the last days of Jack's life the worst." I bang his head on the ground and watch him pass out. He probably has a concussion. If he does, I hope he never wakes up.
I drag my Dad back up the path and to the car. From the car, I use my phone to call the cops. I soon hear sirens wailing in the distance. My head throbs, I'm sore and my body is covered in dirt and sweat.
I collapse against the side of the car, and I try to catch my breath. I look up at the sky. There are still clouds, but I can see the sun a little bit. Things aren't great, but they're better than they were. I know who killed Jack, now. I'm going to make him pay.
Epilogue
First Person: Jack
I made it to the happy place. The place where souls go and live in paradise. A man walks up to me. That's odd. No one here is in their physical form. We all just float around together and we exist. I don't know if the man is God, or if he's someone else. But he speaks to me.
"Jack, there's something you may want to see." He says. I can't reply. Without a mouth or a tongue or even a head, I can't speak. I am literally speechless. So I float along with him as he leads me to some place that is far away.
I'm in a glass room. It has a glass floor, a glass roof, and glass walls. I'm in my physical form. Except, my eyes are back, my body and hair is intact and my clothes are simple and white. White shirt, white pants. My feet are bare.
The room is floating, near the ceiling of the church that I went to when I was alive. I see John below me. I yell, but the man tells me that he can't hear me. So I shut up. John is alone, the first one at the church. My casket is down there. John wears a black suit and a black tie. His hair is combed. He looks so beautiful. I blink away my tears. I don't want to miss a second of this.
Although the funeral will be closed casket, he lifts the top of my casket. My eyelids are closed, although my eyes are gone. My body is marred and mangled. Regardless, he leans in and kissed my cheek. I feel Johns kiss on my cheek as if he was right there next to me, pressing his lips against the side of my face.
He whispers to me, but I hear him clearly. "I love you Jack. I know you love me too, wherever you are. I know you probably want me to move on," He's right. I want him to fall in love with another man and be happy, although I'm dead. "But I will never forget you. You will always have a special place in my heart." This time, he kisses my lips. Again, I can feel his touch. This time, I do start to cry.
"I love you too." I whisper.
The glass box vanishes and I'm back, floating. Now, I have no tears. I just have me, floating. Waiting for my love to come back to me, even though I know by then, he will love someone else. Regardless, I will be here. Waiting.
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Canary word: Present
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I read these the whole way through back when you posted them and really enjoyed them, so here I have returned for a review.
I am unsure how I feel about the Epilogue. Having this heavenly scene thing with a hint of a happy ending doesn't really cut it for the horror genre, if you know what I mean.
It does need an ending, but I would like it to see you write an alternate ending, one with more appeal to a horror story, just to see how it turns out. I like the whole rest of it though.
You would have to have consolidation in it too though.
I had a feeling it would end up being one of the parents. I thought it was going to be the mum because since we didn't see much of the father it never crossed my mind.
I think you should add something extra with the father and the reason behind the jellybean. Sure rainbows yes, but maybe the father had a jellybean addiction or fetish or something along the lines.
Also how does the dad know so much about the neighbors?
Oh. I forgot to mention the neighbors!!! There was supposed to be a flashback from John about the neighbors moving in and having a PDA outside while John and his dad drive by but I COMPLETELY forgot to add it in. Rats! And this is the first horror story I've ever written, so I mainly wrote this ending because I love horror and chick flicks. I thought it would appeal to multiple audiences to write it this way.
I did not expect that turn out at all! But you wrapped everything up nicely, answered all the questions I had, and left me extremely satisfied. I knew the rainbow jelly beans stood for Jack being gay, too. I'm glad I at least guessed that.
Having John go and do a little investigating himself was genius. I love it when characters take the matter into their own hands and roam around a bit. All that in itself is action and suspense. Investigation is one of my favorite things. I think, however, drawing out the scene where John talks to Greg would do it more justice. Add a bit more details of Greg's house, have him invite John into the kitchen for a glass of water, hint at Greg's attitude toward Albert that would make sense when John's dad says that he was cheating on him the whole time. Which, might I add, really polished off the story. Who would have guessed that?
You put so much thought into this. You thought of almost everything! Even something subtle as "Even so, I'm thankful that it won't look suspicious if they find my hairs in his room since I'm over there so often." shows that you thought ahead and wondered "What if the police find John's DNA on the scene?"
Overall, this story was perfectly thought out. You are an amazing writer. On the last chapter you replied to my review saying that you were having trouble with describing? Let me see if I can help, somewhat.
Let's see what we can do with these sentences: "White shirt, white pants. My feet are bare."
Let's try: My skin is the same pale white as the clothes I wear. (This implies that he is indeed wearing shirt and pants.)
As for the shoes, describe him walking into the glass box and saying it's cold/warm against his bare feet.
Also, in these sentences "I turn the corner. I'm so glad Jack has a corner house. I walk carefully to the side of Jack's house." the word house is repeated. You can either find another word for it or combine the sentences.
'"Dad? What are you doing?" I know exactly what he's doing. He's going to kill me.'
This is somewhat contradictory on itself. You can reword this or even italicize the word exactly to show a bigger impact.
This story was such a joy to read. You put so much thought into it, and your effort shows. You have created a wholesome story for your readers, with a romantic couple, murder, gore, a huge plot twist, and clever thinking (those jelly beans were great). Tell me when you write another story, because I'll be there to read it in a heartbeat!
You're biggest gore fan,
Kev
Awwww! Thanks. That means a lot. In all honesty, the movie insidious scared the crap out of me. I'm not sure how I came up with this. I already have another idea for a murder mystery short story series that will knock your socks off. Keep reading and writing. I'm excited to see what we both can come up with. Maybe we can partner up and write something together?
I would love to co-author something with you! We can talk over PM about your idea and see what we can work out.
sweet
Knight Dragon, here to review the final part!
All right, out with the technical.
"I'm shocked. He hasn't said a word to me in... well I don't remember the last time he spoke to me." You should have introduced this in the first chapter, so it has more impact. As is, that's a major red flag moment that instantly reveals the killer.
"I feel Johns kiss", should be "John's" to make it possessive.
Now, for the plot itself.
...yes, I guessed right on motivation. No, I didn't guess it would be his dad until that first sentence I quoted earlier. But I thought you'd said his parents were okay with it? Now, I may just be remembering incorrectly, but that's what I thought the case was.
And then the whole fight scene just felt a little unrealistic. It only took one hit to knock his dad down and out enough for him to escape? Really? And then he takes his dad down with little effort and ties him up...You'd think a man that can kill four people his size would be able to defend himself against his own son. That was pretty bleh for me. I actually expected you to kill them all off, not because they're gay but because that would've made the most realistic sense.
Hope this helps!
Okay. I totally get where you're coming from on everything you've mentioned. So first, if you've noticed, throughout the whole story John's Dad remains quiet. John mentions and drops hints that his Dad isn't the most supportive, although he tries. The thing is, the reason his Dad is so quiet is because he isn't okay with everything that's going on, and he doesn't want to reveal himself. In part 2, John's Dad doesn't say anything. I even put in that John wants to scream at his Dad for staying quiet and never saying anything. So it's in there, you just have to pay close attention. As for the fight scene, I'm not one for fighting. So This was my first time describing a fight scene. Yeah, I know it kinda sucked, but I did my best. However, it took more than one hit to knock him out. If you remember, John had already banged his head against his Dad's to get away, he had already broken his Dad's nose, he had kicked him in the ribs and the stomach, PLUS another really hard blow to the head. I'd say that's enough to knock a person out, at least for a little while. And remember, when John is kicking his Dad's butt, his Dad would've had no weapons. John's Dad did have weapons when he committed the murders.
Well, like I said I was remembering incorrectly (since you pointed it out and now I remember and I'm like "Oh, he did. Okay.").
I get that there was more than just the one hit that knocked his dad down enough for him to escape, but all the things you described are 'minor' in a fight scene; it takes a whole lot more back and forth to get someone to the point where a headbutt from someone weaker would have that much impact. If that had happened after he'd stabbed his dad's leg, then I could see it from blood-loss, imbalance, residual pain, etcetera. And as far as the weapons go, you say "I grab a knife from where my Dad has laid them all out so neatly." This seems to imply that they're within easy reach, especially of the table. So the feeling of the scene is that if John can grab x knife easily, Dad can grab x knife just as easily. It's a bit ambiguous which side of the table his dad's on (who, by the way, probably would've clenched the rope tighter if he'd been spit in the face; that's an old trick he'd most likely be anticipating), and so knocking his dad down if his dad is in between him and the knives would make it more difficult for John to get to them. So his 'great escape' just falls flat on so many different levels as is. Biggest piece of advice: have John's dad go on the opposite side of the table to tie John down. That way, the knives are wide open. It would also be the mistake that undoes his dad's scheme (since all villains have that one mistake that kills them or their plan).
That's an awesome idea. Thanks