Published June 12, 2011
I wish I could tell myself that he won't be there for me.
I wish I could tell myself that he just doesn't care.
I wish I could slap myself awake, and say, "What are you doing?"
I wish I could slap myself awake, and ask, "Why are you even trying anymore?"
I wish I could ask myself why I think of him like this.
Or why I did, anyway.
I wish I could tell myself.
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141,477 Literary Works • 674,501 Reviews
I like your poem. I agree with Sassykat, it needs more details. I, also, feel it repeats too much. "I wish I could tell myself" and etc. But that is my opinion. You don't have to change anything.
Beautiful! I can totally relate to this having felt exactly that way pretty recently.I'm happy to let this poem be...because although it's vague that leads me to apply it to my personal story with my messed up bf. I like that about this poem. I don't have nitpicks--there are no technical errors. I just really liked this! Nice work all around!
Sare
Ah, I liked this. It was relate-able. This is just my opinion, it's fine the way it is, but perhaps add more detail? Why are they feeling like this? All we know is that they are sad. Did the narrator break up with them (or the other way around?)? Are they deciding to break up?'
Like I said, it's fine, it's just nagging at me like most things do. I'm picky that way!