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You had no right!

by Grace4life


You had no right!                                                                                                                              To destroy such beauty.                                                                                                                      A girl who was so bright                                                                                                                now heads to the light.

You had no right!                                                                                                                              To rip her clothes off,                                                                                                                    attack her at night                                                                                                                          then call yourself tough.

Pity was filled in her eyes,                                                                                                                  while you laugh, she cries.                                                                                                              Purity was running away from you                                                                                                because it could not stand the view.                                                                                              

She was a cover girl on a magazine,                                                                                                now her body is left at the scene.                                                                                                        She now appears on every screen                                                                                                    sad part is she was only Eighteen.

She was the definition of perfection                                                                                                  but you destroyed her reflection.                                                                                                      You have no right!                                                                                                                              to even see the daylight                                                                                                                  while she is six feet underground                                                                                                        and you walk on the same ground.                                                                                         


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45 Reviews


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Sat Jan 09, 2021 8:48 pm
yumi wrote a review...



This was a heart-wrenching poem from the perspective of the abused, and while one might understandably interpret that abuse as violent sexual murder in nature, it actually works well as a metaphor for other kinds of mistreatment as well-what is abuse but a violent assault on the integrity of the abused? It captures the angry, righteous indignation; the pity; the sadness; the fear; the feeling of "damaged goods"-but perfect angels loose none of their value for being defiled, rather they are elevated in esteem and value for the soul-crushing horror they endure. Those you abuse are indeed to be pitied, for purity DOES flee from them, and their soul shall know no rest, and they shall be a pariah in a living hell. I wish this poem had driven home this message, to provide answers and comfort to those beset by demons who deserve absolutely NONE of them. Nevertheless, this was a worthy read-would recommend.




Grace4life says...


Thanks for the review i really appreciate it a lot:). I will work on the poem too thanks for the advice.



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Sat Jan 09, 2021 8:36 pm
EtherealGarbage wrote a review...



Hey there!

So, I don't really know what the topic of this is. Second stanza makes it seem like something surrounding assault, but then it moves onto how she is dead? Of course, that does happen to some and it's terrible, but at first it doesn't feel like it'd lead up to something like that. Maybe try adding in a line or two about more of what happened between the attack and finding her body at the crime scene if that makes sense.

Purity was running away from you because it could not stand the view


This doesn't really fit, as if he already did whatever cruel thing to her, then purity would've already packed its bags and left, so that belongs in the stanzas beforehand. Well, the whole stanza there doesn't work in the timeline, so putting it as second instead of third could potentially clear that up.

Timeline would then look like:
- Everything before the poem starts.
- She starts crying.
- He attacks her.
- Her body is found at the scene.

She was a cover girl on a magazine, now her body is left at the scene. She now appears on every screen sad part is she was only Eighteen.


If she was only eighteen, I don't think she'd be on a magazine, as the only people on those are famous actors and models. And knowing that, her face wouldn't be anywhere, as society forgets about any victim that wasn't rich or famous.

I agree with the formatting things the other person has said, so I'd either go full out and do a lot of formatting, or just keep it simple.

Best,
Max




yumi says...


Max
I love your avatar



Grace4life says...


Thank you so much for the tips i will go back to the poem and fix the poem and try make it more clear. I really appreciate your review i am still new in poetry and i am glad you helping me get better by showing me where i went wrong or where i should fix.:)



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Sat Jan 09, 2021 5:03 pm
anne27 wrote a review...



This poem is the true definition of beauty!! Wow, grace! Wonderful job done! Every word produces so great an imagery, each word leaving a sigh in your mind and when you think of the girl, darkness is all you can see with the inner promise to light up the candle when you grow up. Not only to chase the darkness but also to scare away the rapists from the large mass of innocent girls whose innocence they feed on.

You had no right! To destroy such beauty. A girl who was so bright now heads to the light.

Aah!! The light is the ambulance I suppose. Also this so beautifully expresses the dependence of the independent. The girl who was so bright one who shined in everything she did, one who guided everyone and one who didn't need anyone to bring happiness to her because she already had it is now on the mercy of the ambulance lights. If they come, she survives almost like a candle lighting again the other candle who lost its flame. The rapist comes as the wind who snatched her life, her flame her everything.
You had no right! To rip her clothes off, attack her at night then call yourself tough.

Pity was filled in her eyes, while you laugh, she cries. Purity was running away from you because it could not stand the view

Toxic masculinity working here. To consider being without conscience a sign of masculinity could not be farther from reality.
Indeed, purity could never stand such views. An amazing personification.

She was a cover girl on a magazine, now her body is left at the scene. She now appears on every screen sad part is she was only Eighteen.

She was the definition of perfection but you destroyed her reflection.

Youth given and life snatched. Which makes me wonder how unpredictable the future really is. 'Destroyed her reflection' is so apt.

You have no right! to even see the daylight while she is six feet underground and you walk on the same ground.


Flame lost forever, but not without burning a thousand other fires in the hearts of all those who have them to make the society better. Such beautiful expressions !!

The poem is impeccable. Though I'd like to make two suggestions. First, I don't know if you meant it it not, but this spacing looks a bit unneat. Its not hard to read, but...
Secondly, was the poem to end on a tragic note? Life is all about happiness and hope. What about another stanza showing the same?? Just an idea.


Otherwise, its as good a poem as a poem can be. :D
I hope you keep posting more of your poetry :D




Grace4life says...


Yah it was supposed to end in a tragic note, i do know life is about happiness and hope but for some they do not get the chance too experience that so i was trying to point that out. I tried editing that part but i do not what was happening, i really tried spacing i think it is my computer i will try again. Thank you so much for your review it really came from my heart:)Thank you so much.



anne27 says...


:)



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Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:09 am
SpunkyKitty says...



Hi! Because of the topic, you should tag this as at least 12+. :)




Grace4life says...


Okay thank you, sorry i did not know.



Grace4life says...


One more thing how do i edit and change it to 12 .



Grace4life says...


Do not worry i figured it out.:)




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