This is good in theory, but there were a few problems with it that just prevented me from enjoying it very much. You tell,tell,tell the story instead of showing us your emotions, thoughts and feelings about your event/problem. We all get writer's block. We all are told to be creative. How can you show us this in an original and unique light? Could you personify writer's block into an annoying person who visits you when you least suspect it? Could you use dramatic irony to reach out and relate yourself to the reader? Of course, this will talk to you us because we are all writers. But how would a person who is not a writer receive this?
Those are some questions I will put to you. In the mean time I would suggest re-considering this line here-
Than something hit me like a bolt of lightning.
That is a very well worn metaphor. There's even two typos in it! Even changing this to:
'Something hit me like a flying golf ball'
Would probably catch the reader's attention more. The problem is using a metaphor like that will have little or no effect as it had been used so many times before. The reader will simply skim over it and fail to feel or care about the speakers revelation.
Hope this helps, and sorry if I sound harsh- it's just because I liked this so much and felt that if improved and tinkered with slightly, it could be great.
Eimear
That dreaded thing.
Points: 1075
Reviews: 344
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